Being criticised when ill

Well to speak in my native vernaculat, your pal's barred for that.

How utterly thoughtless to say the least and one person well worth avoiding when you get yourself well again Jette.

As a person whom spends most time either ill in bed at home or in Hospital............with Anti Biotics coming out of my ears..........I have to rely on my now elderly and unwell OH to both clean and cook .......in fact do all the chores that normally I kept up to scratch.
I am very fortunate in that, but of course no man can replace that woman`s touch...... and please know I am not being disrespectful in saying that,but that is how it is.He does his best and I am very pleased and proud of him.Furthermore, because of our circumstances having taken a turn for the worst, he has all the gardening work too.

But back to the point,of course our home is not up to perhaps its usual standard and I would be livid should someone be that insensitive, and remark upon it.

Indeed why do they not offer to pick up a duster or the hoover and do something constructive to help.

Take no heed Jette,they are the ones with a problem and if they cannot see how under the weather you are, then they are not worthy of your friendship, and I would not happily allow them back in my home.
Sadly people can be so full of themselves, not noting how unwell you are, and quietly lending a hand or at the very least..............keeping MUM.
After all a home is to be lived in and it does not have to be perfect in any way.We are all individuals.

Wishing you much improved health soon Jette.Its a bummer being constantly unwell.Feeling for you. (Flowers)

Reading all this with interest - I would like to put forward my mantra :-

Anyone coming into my home and commenting on it's lack of cleanliness is a person with no heart and can't be a true friend or loving relation. In past years my DH and I have had many visitors who have enjoyed our company and the relaxed atmosphere that we create. This is partly because we are not fanatical about being tidy and cleaning every corner!

I have a little book in which I write any amusing quote that I come across. Funnily enough most of them are to do with housework.

Let's have a good laugh about it all:-

" You can touch the dust but please don't write in it"

" My house was clean last week .... sorry you missed it"

" Only boring people have immaculate homes"

Nobody ever had put on the gravestone I wish I'd done more cleaning, life is too short to worry about people's nasty comments. Just really look after yourself and get better ( and maybe plot your revenge lol)

One person's untidy is another person's interesting.

That's a terrible thing to say. I would have said "Duster under the sink with the polish. I have secondary progressive MS and at times things slide in the home. I have just finished radio therapy for breast cancer so yes I do know how it feels. Most of my friends have given me help without me asking. It does not matter what was said to you so forget it. You need to be kind to yourself don't worry. With that I will say "Take care" xx

I totally agree with you GabriellaG.

My house is cluttered, I have too many "things" that I like, I have a dog and 2 cats, I vacuum every day, and tidy up , probably looks untidy to some, my bathroom, bed and cups are clean, so if visitors don't like it they know where the doors leading out are ?

How upsetting ! Antibiotics can actually make you low in mood which could have contributed to your sensitivity.

My house is always untidy, and often a bit dusty too! Quentin Crisp was quoted as saying that after three years the dust doesn't get any worse, so I am testing it out! (only kidding!) I have too many other interesting things I like to do, to worry about untidiness.
I'm sure that some of my friends think my house is messy. I think that some of their houses are too neat and impersonal, but we never comment. We are too busy chatting and laughing when we visit each other, because we are true friends. If I was sick they would get stuck in, not make hurtful comments. Whoever hurt your feelings isn't a true friend, and isn't worth getting upset about. You are probably a bit run-down after your illness, and feeling sensitive. I hope you get well soon, and avoid seeing your nasty visitor again.

She's not worth the worry and not a real friend.
Just look after yourself. Hope you will be well very soon x

I sympathise having had the flu followed by s chedt infection and two weeks ago wiped out by a week with a tummy bug it is all so weakening and depressing no energy to do anything dont worry about unsensative peoples comments use your energy to get better which I hope will be soon sending hugs

Oh that was so rude. However I hope everyone's similar message, you feel a bit less upset now.

I had a slightly similar happening which might make you smile:
As a very new pair of newlyweds many years ago , my new OH and I had moved into a long neglected bedsit and had spent hours of our honeymoon week cleaning get up the years''worth of dust and although not sparkling, we'd done a pretty good job on it. My very OCD and nosey sister-in-law decided to visit to look down her nose at our few sticks of furniture (2 mis-matching old armchairs, a TV and a 2nd-hand cabinet. She parked her behind in 1 of our 2 chairs, we pushed the door closed to kerp the draughts out and I saw to my horror that we'd overlooked the back of the door, which had a couple of inches of dust on the horizontal struts across the back of the door, and of course SIL's eyes were drawn to it. A couple of days later she called by with a 'present ' for me - a bag of dusters .....
Couldn't she see the rest of the room was pretty damned clean, and anyway what else did she think we ought to have been doing on our honeymoon....?

Sorry don't want to hijack your post but hope this gives you a smile?

When we were new Mums together my old friend Penny said she would "step over the rotting hippo in my hallway and not mention it ".

I had said I was worried about the state of my house in the very early days of our babies.

People who really care about you don't give a damn about what your house looks like.

How very rude, unkind and uncalled for. The trouble is, it hurts, doesn't it. UTIs really knock you out for a long time and it's quite a while before you get your mojo back.
When I was young(!) and coping on my own with 3 little children, my mother came to stay, and while I was out shopping she not only cleaned the house but also rearranged all the furniture to suit her idea of how things should be. I could willingly have throttled her. I didn't say a word, just moved everything back to the way it was. I think she got the message!

I would have been furious!
The problem is that you can always think of what you should have said once the offender is long gone.
Any chance of a visit to their house to comment on how whiffy it smells, or something similar?

Ooh what a rude visitor! I have been poorly recently and would probably have cried if someone had been so unkind. We all have different housework standards; this topic has been discussed on here often. I have friends who never stop cleaning and others who never start, and I wouldn't dream of commenting. Naughty person should have offered to get the duster and to vacuum for you.

Thats awful - and shame on them. I too would be very hurt if someone commented like that and especially if I had been poorly. Perhaps instead of critising you they should have offered to help you out

Try looking rather shocked and reply: "wow that's not a very nice thing to say is it"? It's non aggressive, but will shut most people up and at least you've responded, I think it's not saying anything at the time that's often so annoying. I would love to be able to show a rude visitor where the vacuum cleaner is- but I know that's not my style. Try to get some gentle exercise - walking in the fresh air- not cleaning the house that is :-)

Awww that is so insensitive! The housework will always be there, you will not so never mind the housework get yourself well and rested. I would actually have challenged that person and told them how you felt. Get well soon ?

Jette I completely agree with all the posts saying how rude this was.

On another tack, I wonder whether you would be able to pay a cleaner to give the place the once over - not for anyone else's sake, but to save you having to catch up with a backlog of work yourself?

I hope you are getting better Jette and that you can now see this rude comment says more about the persons' lack of compassion than anything else. I have poor health and while I manage most of the time there are spells it's impossible to keep up with housework. I have also had those "remarks" and it does hurt. I was always house proud in the past and I think comments like that are from those who have always felt inferior in some way. Just rest, and get better.

I would have shown her/him where the hoover was!

If one ofmy of my friends were ill is I'd be asking if there was anything I could do to help, I don't go to look at the house I go to see them. I expect the same from them.

Maybe you are always so tidy so take it as a compliment. A very rude and insensitive person