Only son syndrome?

What do others think, Sparkly 1000? I think your son isn't married to one. Good description though - describes my DIL perfectly. I am not interfering, and I have a DD as well as one DS. The personality type you describe can occur in both sexes, but statistically I gather happens to apply to more females than males. Staying in a relationship with them is destructive to both parties, and the inevitable break up is upsetting to all concerned, including the paternal grandparents of the children of the resultant broken family. Brainwashing is almost a suitable word for the effect a controlling partner has on a person. I think people post about it on here because they are at their wits end, often being prevented from seeing their only child and grandchildren. Just because it appears on here a lot doesn't mean they are making out there is a problem when there isn't, but rather that the members with offspring in functioning relationships don't bother to start posts about it.

Mum of 2 boys and 1 daughter, step-mum of 2 boys. 3 boys married and 1 living with girlfriend. The 'un-married' 'DIL has such a chip in her shoulder, as he will not marry her even though they have a child ( he was married, then met her which consequently broke up his marriage). This is the 3rd we have been excommunicated by her, 2yrs 4mths this time. SS speaks to us but is not allowed to bring GC to see us. She just does not like us, nothing I can do. It hurts, we have 5 other GC and are close to them as well as the DIL's. DD's new partner is lovely and he has blended into our family. I guess what I am trying to say is just because someone loves your child/step-child doesn't mean that they will automatically love/like you!!

My sister's MiL was vile to her for years. My sister went on to nurse her FiL, the aforesaid Mil, and her DH's sister who had been confined to a wheelchair since childhood. I often wonder if the Mil thought about how she had behaved.

I married an only son whose mother absolutely adored him; he could do no wrong. There were times when she could tell me off if she thought I was criticising him but, for the most part, I thought it was a big joke so didn't take it seriously. On the other hand, if I went out of the way to care for her boy, she thought I was wonderful so there was a silver lining. On the whole she was a brilliant MIL and I think we respected one another. I know I thought the world of her.
I used to take offence that she sometimes wanted her boy to herself and would send the odd invitation which excluded me. However, I have to say that now my sons are older (and my daughters) it is sometimes nice to have their company without the partner or children and whilst I wouldn't put any pressure on them to give me that time, I am thrilled when it happens.

As the long term wife of an only child, the observation I would make is AVOID an only child at all costs. My mother in law admitted to me she’d spoiled him. Oh how right she was!

On the issue of "only sons" - I'm an "only son, only child" mum, & I brought up DS to be independent, loving, useful, and considerate of others (amongst other qualities.) He was the only one in his scout group who could organise the cooking! DiL once said to me "he's very cuddly" (she meant this positively, in terms of his affection.) Surely it all depends on the parent(s) rather than on "family position"?

My late husband was an only son and my mum in law was lovely, she was more of a mum to me than my own mother was -took me a while to get used to being treated with affection (my own mother was very cold emotionally) but I did and I miss my mum in law very much. My son is an only son and, when he announced he was getting married and moving to the USA I felt relieved that a) at last he was settling down and b) my d-i-l to be was willing to take him on! I no longer get phone calls with him moaning down the phone about having no money/being thrown out of his flat/etc My d-i-l works hard to keep him and had three jobs on the go at one stage (he still hasn't obtained USA citizenship even though he has been there 6 years now and hasn't held a job since he left the UK) and she went back to work only a few weeks after my granddaughter was born as they don't have the same support for maternity leave over there.

I dislike it when people start categorising other people by their rank in the family, probably because I am an only child, and we are regarded as fair game for anyone.
There are difficult women, and men, who turn into the in-laws from hell, and also into dreadful sons and daughters-in-law. Very rarely has it anything to do with their position in their birth family; it is due to their nature and disposition, and also a resentment that anyone else should have influence over their loved one.

Disclaimer: If anyone else has said this, I apologise.

When I met the man who ultimately became my husband, he said I reminded him of his mother. I took that as a compliment. She was one of the best women.

If a man marries a witch, perhaps it's because she reminds him of his mother! Controlling, possessive mother's take note! ?

MissAdventure my GPS moved in with us as they got older and it was very civilised as DGF was so lovely. Funny old world isn't it! DGM was very territorial over many things and even her daughter, my aunt, was amazed when I was allowed to use her sewing machine. It is all a necessity to live and let live and watch the world go round.

Found reading your threads interesting. My son wasn’t an only child but he was our only boy. He’s p was from hell
She had mental health issues and was violent to him but he wouldn’t leave because of his d.
She killed him 10 years ago. It was domestic abusive.
We were always trying to support and help but in the end
I begged him to leave but he wouldn’t.

I imagine they marry the first partner who will have such precious spoilt wonderful sons!!. I have an only son and an only daughter.....I know all their faults AND all their plus points. Luckily the plus points out way the faults. Don’t think my son will marry...but if he did I hope I’d show compassion for a DIL ...my SIL is ok, not great...but good enough!

My DH was the only son of 4 children but my DMiL was amazing. She even offered me a pound of tea to marry him . I am so lucky that my DDiL is everything I would choose in a DiL.

Sheilasue, that is so sad and I don't know how you cope with such a tragedy. I am so sorry you have had to go through this.
eazybee, I agree with you to a certain extent but there are things my husband finds quite hard to understand because of his background of being an only child. For example, he finds the connections between my siblings very difficult to understand as he has never had to cope with sibling rivalry, having a different relationship with them from other people as you will likely accept more from them where you would walk away from others who weren't family, etc. This extends down the family to nieces and nephews because he has none and doesn't always get why we have to afford them almost the same care as we do our own children. There are just so many things that come from being from a big family which is just so alien to him. It makes him sound spoiled and selfish; he's not. It just isn't second nature to him so sometimes things need explaining.

Sheila, no words can comfort you but you are in my thoughts.

This is an interesting post on the back of the weekend I have just had. I have 3 children, 2 girls and the youngest (now 32) a boy. The boy brought his (first serious) girlfriend for the weekend to meet us all for the first time. They are planning on moving in together. We had a lovely night out at a Mexican restaurant, all 5 of us. She is just right for him. He is clearly the happiest he has ever been. However, I woke in the middle of the night after the meal, having had a horrendous nightmare where the girlfriend was physically attacking him. It was most unnerving. I woke in the morning thinking OMG, I need to get a right hold of myself and Let my wee boy son Go. I really am wholeheartedly happy he has met his girlfriend and will support them both in any way I can, always. But isn't the unconscious a powerful thing! LOL
My experience echoes that of MOnica and have a lovely MIL, her son being an only child.

I am so sorry Sheilasue - I must have been typing as your post came up for I had not read it. I apologise. My post must have seemed very insensitive to you. And I am sorry for what happened to your son.

sheilasue I am so very sorry to read of what happened with your son.

OMG how awful! Mine was similar, but it was because when we first met I had a broad Yorkshire accent, and I hadn't got a degree, I was just a nurse! I tried very hard to begin with, but when my hubby announced that it would improve 'when we had children', I just lost it and said it will be too late by then! Anyway we had said children, one daughter was the spit of her Dad as a baby, and one was red haired like me, she has never got on with her because of that! She once said to me 'are we never going to be friends?' I said, 'well you don't like me' to which she answered 'oh no, B and I think you are highly intelligent and very efficient'! Ha, ha, and proceeded to do hubbies ironing and leaving mine in the basket! I left him in the end so now she is happy he has a new wife who doesn't mind him working all hours God sends and him seeing his kids once every 6 months with an expensive present!

My late MIL had two sons, the eldest of whom often behaved as if he was an only son (a 'me first, me, me, me' type of character, I bet you know one too). He was spoiled, I think as a result of MIL and FIL pandering to him to make up for not getting on with him very well. MIL never got on with his wife either, couldn't 'warm' to her and she seemed to bring out the worst in BIL. A psychiatrist would have had a field day with them.

Mine offered H ten grand to not marry me and move back home to live in the childhood home.

If she'd offer me ten grand for him now, I'd probably snatch her hand off

...you have to laugh, or you'd go mad...

When I was a child it was commonly said in the west of Scotland that no woman every considers any girl a suitable wife for her son.

My mother never considered any man suitable for either my sister or myself.

Danish has a proverb that says that a mother-in-law is only able to get on with her son's wife if there are seven churches' parishes between their dwelling places.

Some things never change!

I tried so hard with my DiL until the day she handed my S a list of all his faults. There were about twenty things that, according to her, were wrong with him. Trivial things like not liking the way he dressed or danced. She said he was anti social and lacking ambition and confidence. (All untrue by the way.) After reading the list he nearly had a nervous breakdown. If that’s not controlling then I don’t know what is.

My husband's mother died when he was seventeen so I never met her. He was an only son and I sometimes wonder what she would have been like. I'll never know!

A tiny voice in the wilderness. My MiL, never gave me the impression, that I was not good enough for her son and as far as my son is concerned I cannot believe that someone as lovely as my DDiL was prepared to take him on.