Can't wait to meet "new Grandma" !

We have a similar situation in our family. What happened then was the father remarried a woman with two children. 5 years later the father died and left everything to his new wife and assumed she would be fair to his own children to whom he was very close. 10 years later the wife and her own adult children have bought a big new house, car, with fancy holidays abroad and the children from the first marriage were given nothing, not even a small possession belonging to their dad.
Clearly their father was at fault not specifying bequests to his children, as he knew he was ill for a number of years. He may have thought his new wife would be fair. She wasn’t and It caused a lot of hurt.

I think your Grandson has shown you the line to take. Welcome her. Be glad she is joining your family.

Expectations of an inheritance are what is going to influence how the family react to this lady who may be very aware of this. It’s such a shame that even before we meet people we are wary and it could ruin what could be a lovely family occasion.
It is the way of the World unfortunately, I hope all goes well.

I can see it could be a delicate situation. She may be a lovely and genuine person. I'd just meet her in a friendly way. If she is a nice lady I can't help but feel sorry for her too - she must have her own concerns.

I can understand your daughter in laws' worries, but it's for her and her siblings to discuss with their Dad, if they ever choose to do so. They must be careful not to upset him. He is probably in love and may not appreciate them talking about wills and money.

Yes, well he could just as easily inherit all her property and money and then the daughter will have an even bigger inheritance!

Honestly, I'm beginning to think we should do away with inheritance altogether. It seems to cause so much trouble. Just spend it all. That's what I'm doing

What pensionpat said. And gosh - poor woman, perhaps she is feeling apprehensive too. Friendly and welcoming is all she needs at this stage of the game.

I have known two families destroyed by inheritance, both by the same woman.
The first time their was very little money to be left but the wife received a very large " death in service " pay out from his employers. She gave his 2 children a nominal amount and blew the rest.
That second time, this was her 3rd marriage, her H left everything to her trusting her to look after his 3 older and married children, he was sadly mistaken.
There was a lot of property involved.
It has all been sold and his C haven't spoken to her for years.
Make your will, and make it watertight.
Incidentally she is now no better off than the rest of us as she is foolish with both money and spongers.

I took your post at face value and thought how nice.

Inheritance issues, seriously, would never have entered my mind. Remember, this man's property and money are HIS OWN, to do with as he pleases in his lifetime.

Follow your grandson's welcoming approach.

I agree about being welcoming but I do think that finances need to be discussed.
Many spouses leave their entire estate to the surviving spouse assuming that they will ' do right" by the children & would have been heartbroken if they had known their children would receive no inheritance on the second parents death. Of course life moves on (as it should) & people meet new partners & understandably are not necessarily thinking about the future financial implications for their first family.
My father adored my mum & all his grandchildren but when he met someone else he seemed to forget that any of us existed. His new partner refused to meet us, despite invitations to weddings, family events etc. I finally met her at his hospital bedside during his final illness which was exceedingly awkward & at his funeral her daughter (who I didn't even know existed) wrote an extremely unpleasant comment on the funeral card.
I hope all goes well OP & I know that discussions about money are always difficult but they prevent a lot of hurt in the long run.

Obviously it would be good to welcome the new MIL to the family and it is nice FIL has found someone.

My dad died relatively young at 63 and my mum was my age at 58 so widowed extremely young. She never expressed an interest in finding another partner but at her 70th birthday she announced her engagement to my stepdad. I have to say initially I was apprehensive, not from the money point of view as my mum was very generous with gifts but had also said immediately they were keeping finances separate, they were both well off and stepdad bought into my mums flat as tenants in common with her half going to us and his half going to his daughters. He gave her half the value when he sold his house.

Over the years I and my sister and brother have become incredibly fond of him. He is totally different to my Dad but at their wedding (only us children and families present) he said they both considered themselves very lucky to have found love twice as they were both widowed.

So this could be a good thing. My mum and stepdad are now mid 80s and all of us think they keep each other going. They still do holidays, play bridge and bowls.

As for the grandson, kids just speak their mind. He probably thinks as he already has one lovely nanna he wants two!!

I'm a second wife - I see no reason why I should " do right" by my husband's adult sons, if and when he dies before I do. Our wills leave everything to each other, and since none of his sons have ever given me the time of day, I've no intention of giving them anything. Nobody should be guilted into handing over their inheritance to other people .

It seems a bit previous to considering money and inheritance issues before the woman has even got her coat off!
Makes me quite glad I've got bugger all.

Of course no one should feel "guilted" into leaving their money other than where they choose but it is often more complicated than that. I work in legal services & some of the saddest cases I have dealt with are where a Will has been contested & virtually all the estate has been eaten up in legal & other fees. The family fall outs are often permanent. In my view much better discussed & made known before the time comes.

Why do adult children think they have a right to know about their parents' financial situation?

Follow what comes out of the mouths of babes is the better way to go. Well done that grandson.

It’s very straightforward to set up life interest trusts etc that protect the money for the next generation of that really is an issue. The new couple just need to see a solicitor (to protect both their families).

Be welcoming and deal with any issues as/when/if they arise. Finances often tears families apart, and of course there are quite a few “ gold diggers” around. Hopefully any issues can be spoken about openly and fairly to avoid misunderstandings. Just enjoy the extended family and see how things go.

Magicbubble
Bringing someone new into ones family always gives rise to concerns For all involved I hope she lives up to expectations.

When my grandmother died her second husband pocketed the lot. He sold the house and all her possessions. He had no children, and the family were very upset that he didn't even offer any of them a keepsake from their mother's things. My mother felt very bitter about it for the rest of her life.

It would have been lovely to have been welcomed by my husband's family, as my daughter welcomed him. DH has 3 children, and 10 grandchildren. I have 1 + 3. They adore their stepdad/grandad. I have gone out of my way to be a good stepmother and nannie, but the family went all out to get rid of me, to the point where horrendous abuse tales were made up about DH. He will never forgive them for this, and so we now don't see them. He will leave them nothing in his will - we've both "lent" an awful lot of money to all of them, but no more.

I always wanted a large family, as I couldn't have any more after my daughter, and loved the fact that I had exactly that when we married, but they hurt me badly, as well as DH, so that's that.

Welcome the new member of the family - please.

She is probably feeling apprehensive too - but how good that your son's Fil has found someone to share his life with again. You GS is displaying a lovely attitude - good luck to you all and I hope the meeting goes well and happily for all.

Re the second wife / second husband situation and the wills ....if the parent of the adult children wants them to be given some of the estate, the best thing is to leave them something in your will. The suggestion that somehow the second spouse should dole out money to adult "children" from their share, is not sensible. I certainly won't be handing out money to my husband's adult children since they have ignored me for 15 years since I married their father. Our estates consist of our combined money and assets - not just his - so they can whistle for it.

Absolutely agree with Rosina. Best to look positively at this? So lovely that two people have found love in later life.

Why families 'rely' on receiving a bequest in a will, I have no idea. Why they squabble over it, heaven knows.
The couple are not even married yet but the texts and phone calls and chatter has started. It's no business of anyone else but the couple themselves.
Each person has a right to spend the lot (they earned it) or leave it to anyone they please either before or after death.
Just look at the wrangling over George Michael's will which cannot go through probate until the argument between G's last b/f, his sisters and his driver are settled. 15 months later it's still ongoing even though each sister is sitting pretty in houses worth millions.
Frankly, it's disgusting behaviour.

MagicBubble I don't think it's your problem. Your daughter in law might end up with less inheritance than she expected but it's really got nothing to do with your relationships with them or your grandchildren. I suggest you just treat her like you would have if she was the original other grandma.