Can't wait to meet "new Grandma" !

I am more sympathetic than some to the adult children who are anxious - as we see from many of the posts. Of course the family need to be welcoming, and I hope that Magicbubble can help with this. There will be time enough to talk about 'arrangements'.

It isn't just about being mercenary. I think many of us have been aware of the deep pride of people like my parents, who worked and saved hard, in being able to give their children / grandchildren a start in life. Our children live modest lives, grateful that they could put a deposit down on an ordinary house, giving them more security than many of their contemporaries, so honouring their grandparents' wishes.

Be happy for the grandson, and the granddad!

I am widowed. If I ever got entangled again I would make sure I protected my children's interests. When my husband died I kept his half of the house but I passed his monies to the children (I had my own monies).

Stella if your husband is fine with your plan of not leaving his children anything then thats ok, not nice though. Its situation where one person leaves the estate to spouse on the understanding the children will inherit from the spouse. Once they die the spouse leaves it all to her own children. I see it alot and frankly its evil. Its not about the actual money its the meaning behind it.

It's happening in my case. Husband left me to marry a woman with 2 children. I had 3 with him. From what I hear, they have written a will so that she/he will be able to live in the home until she dies and viceversa. After that the house will be split between the 5 children. Knowing her, if she outlives him, I am sure she will change her will and leave it all to her children. My kids will not receive anything. That's why I feel so bad for them and I try to help them financially. But they are good kids, not mercenary; they visit their father and his wife (which annoys me). Yet they are very happy when I am generous with them. Money is the root of all evil.

Do we all turn into cash cows rather than family members once we past a milestone birthday.

At which age do we start to be considered for what we will leave and not for who we can love.

What a sweet GS. No idea why anyone cares about money, let him happily marry.

I fail to see what business it is of yours who your daughter in laws father marries Magicbubble If you are worried that your son might not get an inheritance, tough, I can’t stand all this expectations of money after death His father in law poor bugger is trying to start a new life and you’re worrying on your son s behalf that he might leave his money to his new wife hopefully many years down the line
Forget money and houses they belong to the father in law and are entirely up to him where they go on his demise just for now welcome the poor lady into the family and forget the future
I think having nothing is by far the best

My DH and I have had this discussion -- we have agreed that any subsequent spouse (should one of us remarry after the other's death) may have a lifetime interest in the marital home but on their death our son will inherit. In fact we've also said we cannot see any point in a second marriage at our age even if one of us does take up with a new partner.
I certainly would be most unhappy if a second wife of my DH inherited any of my money or property at all -- and I would make clear to any subsequent partner I had that he would not be benefitting from my estate. We both want to pass on anything and everything to our son.

thats why our wills leave each individuals half of everything to our children.If my OH marries again then the kids will have my half..worked for by ME and not to be passed onto any stranger or her family.Why on earth would I work my socks off for 50 years to keep some other family in comfort ? My OH is in total agreement although he ,like me , says he wont marry again .We've seen a close friend remarry too soon after his wife died ,less than six months later he also died,and the house and everything else went to the new family...when it had been promised to his daughter from his first marriage.I wouldn't do that to my children.

Silverlining 48.Clearly there was no will. It is not an uncommon situation but no matter how small your, using the right term,' estate' it can save a lot of unpleasantness and speculation? ie he left his wife to deal with it.The father passed away five years into the marriage and ten years later his wife went on fancy holidays , bought a new house new car.? Hardly rushed into things so what took her so long? It is easy to make assumptions and what proof do you have, without a will, exactly what her husband left and the possibility their was not as much money as you believed and the wife or her children had money of their own.

My ex remarried (she had nothing to do with the divorce). All adult children and little ones were delighted. Largely thanks to her I regard them as good friends and caring grandparents. My two DD's and one DS gained two brothers plus SiLs and 3 nieces. Her boys now have an additional brother, 2 sisters a nephew and 3 nieces.
I know they have written very fair and reasonable wills as they'd hate to leave behind tension and unhappiness.
What surprised me was that it's only now that the engagement is announced that she's meeting the family. Why the delay?
Wish them well and enjoy the newly extended family.

I agree with others, welcome this lady into the family. If the AC have any concerns they should raise them with their they may get a flea in their ear DF, better to see how the land lies.

I was welcomed into my DH's family but they also knew that he would not leave anything to them in his Will, the reason was that their DM is in a better position to provide for their futures, she remarried & her DH has no children, everything passed to me & my DD will inherit from me if there's anything left

When I first read this I thought how lovely it was for the little GS to have a new GM then I saw that it was sadly about money and wills?

thank goodness for your grandson, someone who is looking forward to meeting a person unlike the rest of you, worrying about the money and property you have no right to expect or count on anyway. I hope your son's father-in-law finds happiness and that he and his new partner spend all their money having fun while they are alive.

I am beginning to feel sorry for the couple who are the principals in this set up.

Can you not just find it in your hearts to be glad the a widower and widow have met and are prepared to give themselves a chance at happiness?

Magic Bubble, please do encourage your DIL to follow her husband's lead here. Your son sounds a nice person. The more your son's father-in-law's own children hesitate to welcome his new wife, the more likely he is to end up wanting to leave all his money to her or to the Cat and Dog home instead of to his family, I should think.

My Aunt announced in her 70's she was getting married to a widower she had met at church. She had not been married before and had no family, he had a couple of adult children. There was a lot of not particularly friendly discussion about her not benefiting from his money but it was sorted out (my Aunt had a very good pension and wasn't in need before she married him). My Aunt understood why his children were worried, they had had two decades of thinking they would inherit the decent amount of money their Dad would leave. Had my Aunt been in dire straights financially it might have been different but, after he died, she still had her pension and no money worries as she already owned the flat they lived in before they married. I would just welcome this new member of the family and leave it to the immediate family to sort out any financial implications for themselves.

I think it’s lovely that he has found happiness again.

I hope he has a lovely wedding and marriage.

I applaud your Grandson, he has a good heart.

Oh dear, how sad that some people automatically think ‘gold diggers’ and ‘money grabber’ when a widow or widower remarries.

There are some horror stories but I don’t think that all step-mums or step-dads are avaricious. I married a widower with teenage adult children and I spend quite a lot of my own money on them which I am happy to do.

I do think that various fairy tales, including Snow White, have a great deal to answer for in the general view of step-parents!

My BIL's father married three times and the last wife walked off with everything including his inheritance because she had taken money from their shared account and put it in her name. Her children had their businesses financed and help with buying houses. It was very sad because BIL was the child of the first wife and a lot of the household stuff had belonged to his mother. The woman arranged a basic funeral with not as much as a cup of tea afterwards, within weeks she had disappeared.
As you are the other GM it is not going to make any difference to your life so I would just be pleased that GC are getting another Granny.

Yes, I'd be very frank if questioned about what I was planning to leave everyone!
Probably a bit more frank than they would have expected!

Some other comments have pointed out the 'wisdom' of having frank discussions about finance. With whom, may I ask?
Children and in-laws discussing finance with their FiL or father? How rude.
If he's of sound mind and manages his affairs, why think that he needs reminding of his perceived obligations re bequests in his will?
Believe me, I have children, GC and GGC, so I'm probably older than the OP's DiL's father, and if any of them mentioned wills, money, division of assets or 'don't forget us' type nudges, I'd send them away with tingling ears.
Goodness me! What greed.

MagicBubble I don't think it's your problem. Your daughter in law might end up with less inheritance than she expected but it's really got nothing to do with your relationships with them or your grandchildren. I suggest you just treat her like you would have if she was the original other grandma.

Why families 'rely' on receiving a bequest in a will, I have no idea. Why they squabble over it, heaven knows.
The couple are not even married yet but the texts and phone calls and chatter has started. It's no business of anyone else but the couple themselves.
Each person has a right to spend the lot (they earned it) or leave it to anyone they please either before or after death.
Just look at the wrangling over George Michael's will which cannot go through probate until the argument between G's last b/f, his sisters and his driver are settled. 15 months later it's still ongoing even though each sister is sitting pretty in houses worth millions.
Frankly, it's disgusting behaviour.