Am i being taken for granted or is it just me

Well you have made me feel much better . Thought I was the only one that felt like this thank you Gransnet x

My DD & I keep in touch using Messager (on Facebook), this really started when DD was pregnant with DGS2, less intrusive than ringing or not managing to ring at "the right time" due to her commitments with DGS1 who was 7 at the time. I don't do any childcare as DD doesn't work (she is Carer for her OH) & always arrange visits mostly to make sure she's at home. Life is lived very differently now as the younger generation rely more on social media which wasn't available when we were bring our DC up

We all get taken for granted and my AC are the gold medal winners when it comes to making me feel "used". However anyone who is lucky enough to be asked to look after GC should jump all over it, regardless, and I cant agree with the advice to make yourself unavailable sometimes. If you are available, then have them and enjoy it. You are lucky, there are a lot of GM's out there who would love the opportunity. Maybe just contact your ac more in between to keep regular contact?
I don't really understand why the niece is doing the same thing though and I'd have a chat with her about it.

The thing that hurts Alimarb is your being taken for granted, their not giving you much thought, and that hurts.My dil mother lives 200 mile away, but has never helped with child care even in school holidays , were we have done loads, even taking some annual leave to care for him as he didn't like the playscheme he was ment to be attending.It's very frustrating then to hear dil talk about the special weekends she can share with her mum, whilst never including us on days out. The point is she thinks the world of her mum, even though she has never helped with child care or financially.I think I too need to learn from this although it is difficult.

DD is terrible for getting in touch. I did spend 2 yrs doing daily child care but mostly since she married she's lived too far away and circumstances changed as a lot of you will know. She will send me random texts about something that's happened never just "hi, how are you" If she rings to ask something I take the chance to chat and that can turn into an hour or more but she works long shifts and I don't ring her as I never know when she is working. We can go 2-3 wks or more without any communication.
I've asked her several times, just send a quick text once a week but it dosen't happen.

I agree with Seaside. Make sure you have call recognition on your home and mobile phone and simply let them go to answerphone. Ignore texts.

If they truly only get in touch they’ll be forced to try again. You can perhaps choose to answer the phone, while still ignoring texts, on their third attempt with the excuse you’ve been busy.

Only one of my three will actually ring for a chat if she hasn’t heard from me for a couple of weeks. DD1 keeps in touch with me via Facebook - along with all her 200+ friends. At least that’s how it used to be. Now there’s WhatsApp.

WhatsApp has been the boon in my life. We’re all in a group and odd messages and photos fly between regularly. Almost daily. They chat amongst themselves in a way they never used to and we’re all a lot closer. Its the way they keep in touch these days and it works brilliantly. If you can’t beat them, join them!

The secret is Alimarb, don't make yourself so available, make yourself busy doing things you enjoy, then you will be genuinely too busy to answer the phone sometimes.You may find you suddenly become more interesting to them.We did this with our son, it got to the stage were he was ringing every few weeks, and I answered the phone with how can I help you, he got the message ! . He doesn't call now for a chat, but texts regularly, and pops in now and again.

I think I'm in the same situation. My relationships with both my children are very one-sided, with me doing most of the work.

My son is a single father, and every day I get up at 6-30am to take his two children to school , then again in the afternoon I do the reverse trip. I also do a lot of parental things like going to teacher interviews and purchasing their uniforms, etc.

For my daughter, I drive over there once a week and give her house a good clean, do the washing and ironing. Then pick up the children and have a few happy hours with them before their parents get home.

Apart from these regular times, I don't really socialise with my adult children at all. They are both very loving, express gratitude for what I do, and send nice little text messages. I'd never complain, I see all my grandchildren every week and I know that some people see theirs rarely or never. But I do sometimes wonder what would happen if for some reason I couldn't do these weekly appointments - would they ever just ring to have a chat ? Or ask if I'd like to come over for dinner ? I guess I don't want to find out the answer to that one.

There is being kind and helpful and then there is being a doormat. Whatever the current practices re technology may be, I think it is unkind and discourteous to take a parent's help for granted and to only contact a parent when help is needed.

I think I would be inclined to make myself unavailable on some occasions when I was not asked whether it was convenient for me to give support. We are very supportive of our children but it is never taken for granted that we will be available, and we are always thanked for our help.

To take the "As long as they are happy, I don't mind" approach seems to me to be in danger of reinforcing the "me, me, me" frame of mind. In my view, accepting selfish and insensitive behaviour will reinforce it and can create a sense of entitlement and a lack of respect for other people's feelings.

I think children these days function in a different world. There is email, text, constant online use. I think our children feel as though they are in touch even if they are not. My DSs often say "didn't I tell you, or "I thought I'd mentioned". They all lead such busy and active lives. As long as they are happy, I don't mind.

Not sure why you feel redundant you DC and DN trust you to look after their precious little ones.

Maybe when you are not babysitting, your time could be spent on your own interests and hobbies.

Families with young children are often busy juggling home, children and work.

You have done a good job raising independent children - time to step back a little.

Snap Alimarb....just had a text from d.i.l. to "book my grandson in" for 3 days next month. I only get texts when they want something. I have 1 daughter and 2 sons. Even my daughter doesn't call me for a chat or anything like that. She said that I never listen and i am always getting the wrong end of the stick. My sons never phone me either. I contact them via the d.i.l.s. I feel the generation gap is working against us. We have nothing in common with them. Like your children, they get on ok with each other and I think they gossip about me, the girls I mean. I am left out and feel very neglected. I'm on my own and that makes it worse. Just have to accept it I suppose. Must mention, my daughter and I have very strong personalities and very opinionated,..so we butt heads quite often. Sometimes it's stressful going to her house or she to mine. Silence us golden, but you're right, I sometimes think I must have been a bad mother.....isn't it nice that we have gransnet to offload all our problems on to?
All the best !!