Pathological liar

Whatever the finer details of each complex and convoluted lie he is either a first class bullshit artist (to use a good old Aussie expression) or he has a serious psychological condition and may well be a pathological liar or perhaps there are signs of manic overstatement? Possible signs of Bipolar Disorder? Are the lies just grandiose overstatements or are there other more hurtful or damaging lies?

How your daughter copes with this is up to her. How you cope as a parent in law is incredibly difficult. You see the issues but it is your daughters life. Have you discussed this with your daughter? How is she managing? Are there children involved? What is the impact on them? There are no easy answers. I would suggest that your daughter needs to seek professional help and assessment if her husband will agree.

Had to smile at this forum subject. My husband of 50 years has never told the truth if he could lie. From the day we married when I found out he was 25, not 21 as he'd said, (the firm's social club even gave him a 21st birthday party) to what he was watching on TV just now....he lies all the time! Me & the kids just had to put up with it, he's a good man apart from his silly secrets & vivid imagination.

Our window cleaner charges £8 to clean our windows and it has been this price since we moved here 5 years ago. The front has a large lounge window, front door, upstairs two bedrooms and a small window on the landing, one en suite window on one side upstairs and a cloakroom window on the side downstairs, two bedrooms at the upstairs back and a small bathroom window; downstairs back has two kitchen windows and patio doors. We realise he is a treasure and he also painted the outside woodwork for £350, included rubbing down undercoat and top coat - we provided the paint.

SIL sounds as if he needs to be challenged. You haven’t mentioned if you have spoken to your daughter about your concerns or are you afraid to broach it? Somebody needs to have a talk to him about how lies can destroy trust in a marriage. Do your daughter and SIL have children? If so He is a very poor role model for them. Sorry for all the questions but I feel for you and your daughter.

We pay £38 in London to have the windows of our two storey house cleaned. It takes one cleaner no more than 15 minutes. True by the way.

As for your fantasist SIL driverann, if I was in your position I would depend entirely on my DD’s reaction to his lies, whether she is coping and what help she would ask of me.

Try to bring out SIL's lies into the open and challenge him or at least put him in the position where others are they and they pick up on his behaviour and make the challenge. I know someone with a similar approach to life - he is slightly autistic but knows what he's doing and when confronted with differences in what he's said to one person and what he's said to another he becomes defensive and withdrawn. The problem is that you can't trust anyone who behaves this way - you can't communicate in a normal manner with such a person and for that reason I would discuss the issue with your daughter because at the end of the day she may be driven mad by this or even worse.

An old saying goes 'A liar is a thief and a thief is a liar.' Have found this very true in lots of cases. Personally I could not live with someone like this as I could never trust them. All the best to your daughter.

I knew someone like this once. He would even recount incidents, wildly embellished, to people who had actually been with him at the time, forgetting they'd been there and knew first hand what had really taken place. But even though he'd been called out many times, he'd just laugh it off. It never changed him. Once a liar.....

Sorry for you, not sure how I’d cope.
Honesty is key for me I don’t find it in the least bit good and can’t imagine how he ever became part of your daughters life it really would drive me insane. I would feel obliged to challenge him constantly. I had a school friend who was a bit like this who I was frustrated by ( a male) he always said it was to make life less boring!

Driverann This appears to be of concern to you and I could say take what he says with a pinch of salt but for the issue of taking two hours to buy fish and chips .?? where was he what was he doing? What does DD have to say about her husbands' tall stories' ?
If she can accept him warts and all then until she comes to you for help/advice let it go.

My last partner was a pathological liar. Told stories that seemed credible...he was a police officer at one time (no never...just a call handler). He was going to die...aren't we all at some point, and it went on and on....I told him numerous occasions that one day he would cry wolf once too often....and he did.
It was a very stressful time, and it must be very stressful for your DD, and I'm sure she will tire of the continuous drama. Sounds like narcissism/narcissistic traits. They never change. If you try to challenge their behaviour they turn it all to it being your fault...personally so glad to be out of it.

Has he been like this all the time you have known him? If its recent saracyn could be right as you only mention lying or exaggerating about money. What does your daughter think?

My friend (mid 40’s) had a boyfriend like that once. He lied about so many things including being an ex member of the SAS but when she popped round to his house unannounced one day, she met his brother and found out that 90% of the things he’d told her were complete lies. He’d never been in the Army let alone the SAS.
She had been planning to sell her house and buy something together but she’s a sensible single parent with teenage children and didn’t want him influencing them with his silly lies, so she finally broke up with him.
I was so pleased as I could see he was full of crap but I could also see how smitten she was with him.

OP, how does your daughter deal with his lies?

You mention are about money and help him to avoid paying for something. Wonder if he’s got himself into serious debt and dare not tell yr daughter

Nearly all the lies

I'd be worried. The more he gets away with small lies, (and I'd dispute that lying about where he was for around 2 hours, is actually a small exaggeration), the more he will ramp it up.
Does she share a bank account with him? I would be inclined to keep finances separate where ever possible.
I agree with GrannyGravy, once a fantasist always a fantasist.
Good Luck to your daughter

I know it's not funny, especially not for the family, but I had a smile on my face reading about him. He is definitely a Walter Mitty character....very interesting. As long as his lies are white lies, no harm done....I wouldn't worry too much as long as your daughter is ok with it. She probably just chuckles when she hears him belting out these exaggerations ??

What does your daughter think about his lies? I'd be more concerned for her than her husband.

My DD's ex-idiot was and still is a pathological liar / fantasist. No hope, no cure!!!!

We live in a 3 bed terrace two windows at the top bay window plus front door 5 windows at rear. Window cleaner now uses long pole so no ladders needed. Takes him about 5 minutes front 15 minutes front and back once a month £10 is the normal fee. I do not believe one word SIL says he has told so many lies now that if he told me he was a man I would not believe it. If I say ‘Really??’ To something he has told me he says back ‘oh if you don’t believe me go and see for yourself’. He went to buy some fish and chips last Friday he left his house at 17:05 and returned at 19:20. Failing to answer his phone. When he did eventually arrived home he explained the first two chips shops had run out of chips!!!! so he drove 10 miles to the next town. [ which is in fact 5 Miles away].

Just what I was going to say about the window cleaner. Or does your road have few and tiny windows? Even £25 is less than what I have to pay.

Doesn't sound normal to me. Does he do it at work? Does he have any close friends? I would find it very worrying.

All your windows for £10? Real bargain!

He sounds as though he is a right "Walter Mitty" type and needs to be the centre of attraction and conversation.
As Oldwoman says as long as DD and the family know what he is like and he causes no real harm just ignore him,he does need to know though that telling "tall tales" can come back and bit you on the back side.

Although untrue, aren't these just exaggerations.Does he lie about other things?

Sounds as if he is trying to make his life sound more dramatic and interesting. I have a friend who tends to exaggerate everything, she felt unwell recently and told everyone she was in bed for 4 days (she was, in fact was with me every day). These seem like harmless lies and as long as your DD is aware of them (and gets quotes herself in future!) and he has no underlying mental problems perhaps everyone should just accept this is the way he is.