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Pathological liar

(54 Posts)
driverann Sun 17-Jun-18 09:52:02

Son-in-law is a pathological liar. My SIL tells liar after liar, I don’t know if it is a medical condition or not but if one Police car went past him with blue flashing lights he would tell others it was ten police cars. He told me that they can not afford a window cleaner because he is too expensive at £25 “ just to clean the fronts” . We have the same window cleaner we live eight doors away from SIL same style house
Window cleaner cost us £5 to clean the front £10 all the house. He told my daughter that a fencing contractor had told him the cost to repair their back garden fence would be £3000. One week later the contractor telephoned to ask if they wanted the work done, my daughter took the call she told the man he was far too expensive. He replied “£250 is a fair price”. There are numerous other times every day SIL tells blatant liars. I despair of what he will say next. Any ideas on how to deal with this.

JustALaugh Sun 17-Jun-18 09:59:20

Has your SIL law a mental illness? I say that because the lies you describe are not nasty, just strange.

Teetime Sun 17-Jun-18 10:17:32

He sounds like a fantasist- Has anyone confronted him about this?

Chewbacca Sun 17-Jun-18 10:56:17

I'd be tempted to put a wry smile on my face, and shake my head sadly, whenever he came out with one of his lies. Once he realises that you aren't taken in by his fantasies, hopefully, he'll stop.

Oldwoman70 Sun 17-Jun-18 11:03:27

Sounds as if he is trying to make his life sound more dramatic and interesting. I have a friend who tends to exaggerate everything, she felt unwell recently and told everyone she was in bed for 4 days (she was, in fact was with me every day). These seem like harmless lies and as long as your DD is aware of them (and gets quotes herself in future!) and he has no underlying mental problems perhaps everyone should just accept this is the way he is.

Greenfinch Sun 17-Jun-18 12:03:31

Although untrue, aren't these just exaggerations.Does he lie about other things?

glammanana Sun 17-Jun-18 12:06:48

He sounds as though he is a right "Walter Mitty" type and needs to be the centre of attraction and conversation.
As Oldwoman says as long as DD and the family know what he is like and he causes no real harm just ignore him,he does need to know though that telling "tall tales" can come back and bit you on the back side.

Bellanonna Sun 17-Jun-18 12:43:08

All your windows for £10? Real bargain!

M0nica Sun 17-Jun-18 13:43:49

Doesn't sound normal to me. Does he do it at work? Does he have any close friends? I would find it very worrying.

winterwhite Sun 17-Jun-18 14:14:57

Just what I was going to say about the window cleaner. Or does your road have few and tiny windows? shock Even £25 is less than what I have to pay.

driverann Sun 17-Jun-18 16:32:54

We live in a 3 bed terrace two windows at the top bay window plus front door 5 windows at rear. Window cleaner now uses long pole so no ladders needed. Takes him about 5 minutes front 15 minutes front and back once a month £10 is the normal fee. I do not believe one word SIL says he has told so many lies now that if he told me he was a man I would not believe it. If I say ‘Really??’ To something he has told me he says back ‘oh if you don’t believe me go and see for yourself’. He went to buy some fish and chips last Friday he left his house at 17:05 and returned at 19:20. Failing to answer his phone. When he did eventually arrived home he explained the first two chips shops had run out of chips!!!! so he drove 10 miles to the next town. [ which is in fact 5 Miles away].

GrannyGravy13 Sun 17-Jun-18 16:52:41

My DD's ex-idiot was and still is a pathological liar / fantasist. No hope, no cure!!!!

SpringyChicken Sun 17-Jun-18 20:26:30

What does your daughter think about his lies? I'd be more concerned for her than her husband.

crazyH Sun 17-Jun-18 21:46:10

I know it's not funny, especially not for the family, but I had a smile on my face reading about him. He is definitely a Walter Mitty character....very interesting. As long as his lies are white lies, no harm done....I wouldn't worry too much as long as your daughter is ok with it. She probably just chuckles when she hears him belting out these exaggerations 😀😀

Namsnanny Mon 18-Jun-18 01:20:26

I'd be worried. The more he gets away with small lies, (and I'd dispute that lying about where he was for around 2 hours, is actually a small exaggeration), the more he will ramp it up.
Does she share a bank account with him? I would be inclined to keep finances separate where ever possible.
I agree with GrannyGravy, once a fantasist always a fantasist.
shamrock Good Luck to your daughter

sarahcyn Mon 18-Jun-18 09:42:40

Nearly all the lies

sarahcyn Mon 18-Jun-18 09:43:53

You mention are about money and help him to avoid paying for something. Wonder if he’s got himself into serious debt and dare not tell yr daughter

Craicon Mon 18-Jun-18 09:48:22

My friend (mid 40’s) had a boyfriend like that once. He lied about so many things including being an ex member of the SAS but when she popped round to his house unannounced one day, she met his brother and found out that 90% of the things he’d told her were complete lies. He’d never been in the Army let alone the SAS.
She had been planning to sell her house and buy something together but she’s a sensible single parent with teenage children and didn’t want him influencing them with his silly lies, so she finally broke up with him.
I was so pleased as I could see he was full of crap but I could also see how smitten she was with him.

OP, how does your daughter deal with his lies?

luluaugust Mon 18-Jun-18 09:50:13

Has he been like this all the time you have known him? If its recent saracyn could be right as you only mention lying or exaggerating about money. What does your daughter think?

Yellowmellow Mon 18-Jun-18 10:01:37

My last partner was a pathological liar. Told stories that seemed credible...he was a police officer at one time (no never...just a call handler). He was going to die...aren't we all at some point, and it went on and on....I told him numerous occasions that one day he would cry wolf once too often....and he did.
It was a very stressful time, and it must be very stressful for your DD, and I'm sure she will tire of the continuous drama. Sounds like narcissism/narcissistic traits. They never change. If you try to challenge their behaviour they turn it all to it being your fault...personally so glad to be out of it.

sarahellenwhitney Mon 18-Jun-18 10:26:35

Driverann This appears to be of concern to you and I could say take what he says with a pinch of salt but for the issue of taking two hours to buy fish and chips .?? where was he what was he doing? What does DD have to say about her husbands' tall stories' ?
If she can accept him warts and all then until she comes to you for help/advice let it go.

dogsmother Mon 18-Jun-18 10:40:40

Sorry for you, not sure how I’d cope.
Honesty is key for me I don’t find it in the least bit good and can’t imagine how he ever became part of your daughters life it really would drive me insane. I would feel obliged to challenge him constantly. I had a school friend who was a bit like this who I was frustrated by ( a male) he always said it was to make life less boring!

Bathsheba Mon 18-Jun-18 10:44:21

I knew someone like this once. He would even recount incidents, wildly embellished, to people who had actually been with him at the time, forgetting they'd been there and knew first hand what had really taken place. But even though he'd been called out many times, he'd just laugh it off. It never changed him. Once a liar.....

sazz1 Mon 18-Jun-18 10:46:22

An old saying goes 'A liar is a thief and a thief is a liar.' Have found this very true in lots of cases. Personally I could not live with someone like this as I could never trust them. All the best to your daughter.

GoldenAge Mon 18-Jun-18 10:53:27

Try to bring out SIL's lies into the open and challenge him or at least put him in the position where others are they and they pick up on his behaviour and make the challenge. I know someone with a similar approach to life - he is slightly autistic but knows what he's doing and when confronted with differences in what he's said to one person and what he's said to another he becomes defensive and withdrawn. The problem is that you can't trust anyone who behaves this way - you can't communicate in a normal manner with such a person and for that reason I would discuss the issue with your daughter because at the end of the day she may be driven mad by this or even worse.