First Visit

Hello all,

I was hoping to bend your ears for a few moments, in order to avoid causing unnecessary ruffled feathers and unhappiness. I do so want to ensure that this coming experience is a fond memory for everyone involved...but would also very much like to make it out in one piece!

I'm due to give birth to my husband's and I's first child in a few months, and I'm a bit apprehensive about grandparent expectations for delivery and the first few weeks. For background, both of our parents live about 4 hours away from us, and this is the very first (long awaited) grandchild on both sides. Both sets are over the moon and already chomping at the bit to be as present as possible during the beginning of new baby’s life. I'm absolutely thrilled at the level of support and love we and the new babe can count on, but I am a bit worried about a few things and was hoping I could get some advice from grandparents - as I'm a bit sick of hearing "your body your decision" since even though this is (with all fairness) a pretty large event for myself, it really isn’t all about me!
-Both parents want to be informed the moment I go into labor, and plan on making the trip up immediately – which will mean they will be staying with us. Our house is large enough, but I am a bit worried that there will be expectations surrounding my husband and I ‘hosting’, when I think it’s a bit fair to expect that our attention will be rightfully focused elsewhere. I very much don’t want to be rude or a bad hostess (I can already see my Nana grasping her pearls in horror!) but how can I communicate that though they are welcome, we will need some help around the house and they will be expected to ‘fend for themselves’ (without coming off spoiled or ungrateful – it’s very kind of them to even make the effort to come!!)?

-I would like to breast feed my child in private, and I’m a bit worried about how to accomplish this with four additional people in my home without stepping on any toes. I don’t want to come off as a baby snatcher, but from what I’ve been advised I need to respond to the baby and do “what feels right” – though I can’t imagine I’d be comfortable telling my MIL or Mother that they need to hand the child over for feeding every 30 minutes, as they will of course wish to spend as much time as possible with the new addition! How could I best find a balance of listening to ‘cues’, without making either set of parents feel slighted or shoved to the side?

-Finally, the age old question – how can I make sure that neither set of grandparents feel like they’ve gotten the shorter end of the stick during the visit? My own Mother is lovely, but has a tendency to martyr herself and let off subtle ques when she is feeling neglected or slighted, and I am worried I won’t pick up on them with so much happening! In turn, my husband is a lovely and amazing man – but he is not strong at picking up on the emotions of others, and I want to make sure his parents are not accidentally slighted in any way as well.

Thanks very much to all who read, and a very deep thanks to all those who offer advice!
Have a wonderful day!