Adult sulking - advice please

coolgran65 , well I don't think I could/want to pass a 8y test ...you must be worth it if he stay the all 8y.... he must be Mister Perfect ?

Dump him ... may be hard to do just now .... but the best thing to do and he drink too much too ...
there are someone who deserve you and don't play like an idiot

I had a relationship like this Toffee. I live in France, he was in Uk. He'd fly over I'd pick him up from airport, happy to see him...there would follow two days (max) smiles and happiness. Then just as soon as I had to do some essential task like a bit of cleaning laundry or gardening, he would go all tight lipped and silent. He also crticised my friends. This happened every time he came over. Finally I said sorry this isn't going to work, at which point he flew into a rage and accused me of having mood swings! I told him to pack his bags.
I dodged a bullet there! Take my advice, sulkers just get worse...get your life back NOW!

sounds like a child and you need a man not a child this is a form of emotional and mental abuse tell him to jog on you dont need this rubbish

It's a form of control and only leads to being picked to pieces bit by bit. Bet he did this as a child and it got him whatever or wherever he wanted. I lived with this for 35 years until he died.

So sorry for your loss, bootie41.
At least it sounds as though you have some good and loving memories to hold on to as time passes and you begin to live again.
Hugs and blessings.

Toffee71 I think you have already decided to end it but I just wanted to say you deserve someone in your life who will make you feel good about yourself - someone who spits his dummy out and stamps his feet will not do that. Good luck

Leave him in his cave! Read men are from Mars Women are from Venus. The more you try to persuade him to come out the longer he will stay there. He may have a problem he's trying to sort out in his head and just needs space to do so.

Toffee71,

Glad to hear you made the wise decision. Never settle until you find someone worthy who can also make you happy!

Best, Willa

bootie41,

So sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

He sounds like a narcissist to me. I spent 6 years of my life with one of those and wish I had walked away at the start, I would have saved myself so much grief. They always go for nice people who have qualities they lack. They will never change so you will do well to leave now. You're worth more.

I would think about when he sulks. Is it continual or is it at certain times? My late husband was impossible to talk to when he was hungry but fed I could get anything from him. He never cottoned on to this. After he died I had a long term partner who sometimes needed to have space to himself when he came home to calm down. After several rows with me thinking it was me upsetting him we developed the I'm Garbo" shorthand for "It is nothing to do with anything you have done but I need to be alone to calm down and then I can be decent company" both of us used it at times. It lets you both be in the mood to talk and cuts out lots of tension. 2 very happy relationships only ended when they died and both still missed a lot.

Well done Toffee. ? Good decision, he's not a keeper. Stay strong and don't fall for the next round of "love bombing" no matter how contrite he appears and how "everything is going to be different now". He hasn't changed in the past and he isn't going to change now. And don't fall for the old he "just needs the love of a good woman" line.

bootie41.

bootie I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
It must have been difficult to post, especially on this thread.
Maybe you could start a thread where you could come back to talk and allow GN to walk along with you and share experiences which might help.
I sincerely hope you are well supported at home.

bootie41 So sorry for you. Hope you feel the sympathy that is being sent to you. ?? and hugs. Hope you’ve got friends and family around you. Xx

Just watched a ted talk that touched on sulking. It’s when we expect others to understand our feelings or thoughts without explaining how we are feeling. We have to teach them what is going on in our heads and lives. Came through it on ubube Marie forleo, talk on bereavement if you want to search

LTB means " Leave the Bastard" and it is a very frequent piece of advice given on here regardless of the wrongs that have been perpetrated on the poster, anything from him burning the toast to something more serious.

OP (original poster) I wish you well but I don't think you will break up the r/ship - maybe not now but hopefully in the near future.

So sorry to hear about your husband bootie41 my thoughts are with you.
Take care of yourself

The above for Bootie41

Thank you for your advice. Its certainly given me some things to think about!
First and foremost communication is important in relationships. If you can't talk and receive feedback especially to resolve issues then there is no point. I understand time out to process against sulking!
The stress of 'walking on egg shells' is toxic and very draining.
Life is too short and there is enough stress out there without coming home to it.
I told him the consequences of sulking and withholding and he still did it again.......not a keeper as he doesn't respect me or our relationship.
Agree I would be banging my head against a brick wall to continue with this.
Again thank you

This has happened to me over decades and yes it destroys you eventually. It is a control method . As it is a new relationship and you don't live together I would get out quick the quicker the better and find someone who dose t sulk. They must be around.

So very sorry Bootie 41.

Bootie41, how terribly sad for you. There are never any adequate words, but I really am sorry for your loss.