Granddaughter first birthday

and the " takes a wife" thingy sounds a bit 18th century, people shift in and out of relationships all the time these days.

This is just too sad Nanagem and my heart is breaking for you. Why would anyone treat their mum like this? I just don't understand, I really don't.

I don't see any reason why an adult child can't at least acknowledge someone's attempt to communicate.
Yes, they're busy, yes, that's exactly what we'd hoped for them, but what is wrong with some manners?
Even a message saying "You're getting on my nerves, I feel smothered, so just leave it for a while" would be something.

sorry, this is on my mind for some reason. I'm sorry Nanagem if I came across as uncaring or rude.

Its terribly sad. If you feel able to post a bit more information , the people here may have some ideas.

If you have an idea of the area your son moved to you can search the local electoral roll online. Providing he has registered to pay council tax (or his girlfriend) you should be able to find them.
I'm afraid it won't mend or heal whatever is going on for him though, which is very sad for you and your family.
I'm sending you a virtual hug and best wishes ?

It is very sad, but I think I would be feeling" well if that's the way they want it, so be it" rather than letting them know I was hurt and giving them that satisfaction. And if he comes running home when it's all broken down, don't expect a lot of help.

Sorry for your sadness and distancing from your son & his family. Seems particularly hard since you were practically v supportive towards the couple. Hard to offer advice..just empathy ?

This is truly disgusting, unacceptable and heartbreakingly cruel behaviour. To just disappear from your life with no reason given leaves me absolutely speechless and my heart truly goes out to you. Of course you don’t expect to live in their pockets ..... We are all different, but I would have to text him and ask for reasons ... if that’s fails, I would actually go to his work place and watch his reaction. The very least he owes you is an explanation.

Sad though it is you are well advised to concentrate on those of your family who do love and appreciate you. These are the ones who have stood by you.

Try to put your very young son out of your mind much of the time. He is young, immature and not yet his own man. Yes, send him the occasion text, but keep it short and light and ask nothing in return. That way he doesn’t feel bombarded or that he has to respond. Don’t go down the ‘I love you’ or the ‘I’m here if you need me’ path because he’ll already know that and you’ll just sound needy.

I suspect he already has too many needy people in his life as it is and doesn’t need any more.

Having said that, I really do feel for you and the way you’ve been treated. You don’t deserve this. But play it cool, even if you are breaking up inside, and things might just improve, eventually xx

Just a thought Nanagem, you don't think he and the GF could have moved in with her mother? It might explain why he doesn't want you to have the address. If her mother is so controlling, maybe he can't handle the hassle if she doesn't want you turning up there? I agree it's a very sad situation though and it's hard to understand why a son would treat his mother this way when you've done your best to help them.

Anyone who has been through this knows that it is not easy to accept "so be it" and get on with life. I am sure you have already made it clear you are hurt by it, though if you were serious about shouting and screaming, I wouldn't recommend continuing with that. However, it is good advice to send an occasional message showing you are there for him/them. That is because you still care, and it is quite likely it doesn't actually give him satisfaction that you are out of touch. Maybe he is happy in his relationship, maybe not. And of course if he came running home, like the prodigal son, you wouldn't push him away, because you love him, and because he would need a lot of support. Patience is the virtue you are going to have to nurture for the moment, and I hope you will see you grandchild again soon. I was "lucky" enough that my son didn't sever all ties when he was in a controlling relationship, but I think even that took a lot of strength.

I have two Sons who I love dearly They hardly ever call me & I haven’t seen them or my Grandaughters for 5 months
I’m not allowed to visit their house & they won’t tell me why
I’ve called I’ve written My other children have asked what’s up
But my Son with the 3 grandaughters wont tell them either
I have another Son & Daughter in UK 4 Grandkids too
I really miss my daughter
Should I abandon my family here in Sydney & move back to UK to be close to my Daughter Son & Grandies there
It’s such a huge move at my age 76
Luckily I have good health
I just keep hoping this will get resolved I miss seeing them so much
And it’s sooooo hard when they won’t say why

So terribly cruel.

How about the next message is something like " we are spending a few nights in the Lakes, hope the weather is good"

You have my sympathies, such a sad situation. Could it be just thoughtlessness as they are so wound up in their own lives and time flys by? Or could it be that your son is embarrassed ? My son had a girlfriend and if I collected him or dropped him off from hers, I would have to wait round the corner. I wondered if it was because he thought I might embarras him but other son had been to the house and said it was a tip and son 1 was embarrassed to let us see!
Hope things improve soon.

If you’re only short of a postcode and have a house number and road you can look up on Royal Mail. Must say your son is being rather cruel, perhaps let things lie a while and see if he gets in touch with you - a long silence might make him think again.

This is a new phase in their lives. Give them space .You heard from them in august????and they are only two hours away????If you are so concerned then pay a quick visit to set your mind at rest.Be thankful that you are not like many of we GN's who would dearly love to be only two hours away from our family.

Sassenach. I think you might very well be right. Explains quite a bit. Perhaps send the odd text and perhaps suggest meeting him for coffee away from home?

i think he is being selfish ok so everything is wonderful in his life at the moment but it can easily go wrong and then he will need you you should be allowed to see your gd and send her a card and present be the better person dont beg he will need you and come crawling back

Same thing happened to me! My DIL was VERY insecure and wanted my DS and DGDs all to herself! I have had no contact for over 6 years! Heart breaking. Nothing to be done. I don't know where they live even! You will learn to live with it, trust me. It's horrible, but doable. My heart goes out to you xx

What about messaging your son's wife? A really kind, thoughtful message that might melt her heart. No pressure about seeing them, just a friendly hello to let her know you care.

I have only daughters so can't relate what you are going through to my own experience. I have bent over backwards not to be the "primary grandmother" and with one set, the other grandma, whom I like very much (we went shopping for MoB and MoG clothes together!) has more time with our joint grandchildren. She is retired and I am not. She is also much more patient than I am. But I have as close a relationship as I want with the children. I do hope you resolve your issues with your son and get to spend time with your granddaughter.

I have no idea why your son is acting the way he is. Nobody really knows what has gone in for sure but sounds puzzling.

I think all you can do is back off let him know you love them and let them know your door is always open. Then get on with enjoying your life with the rest of your family.

As for “a sons a son...etc”. I believe some wives CAN call the shots and weak men will not stand up to them. I also believe the wife’s mother can contribute by being selfish! I positively ensure my daughters include their in laws even to the point of stepping back. Result is happy relationships all round. Clingy wives and bossy MIL are a recipie for disaster! Your son - like my brother - may eventually get fed up with being controlled and realise his family are important too or he may put up and shut up. Either way I am afraid it really is his choice- as much as it hurts to lose touch like this. Be patient and I have a feeling things will change in the not so distant future. Good luck

Feel for you nanagem
Everyone sees it from their point of view and experiences and of course it is tempting to refute the old adage if you have proved it wrong but it does point to something. Linked to the ancient power women have always had in the family even if deprived of it in the public sphere. In the home the female rules and the men know it.
I have no idea why my DIL is hostile to me; from the moment she met me as a young girlfriend she was unfriendly and competitive with me. Never met anything like it before. She was also very determined and very possessive over my son.
They visited me on bank holiday Sunday (I had initiated the meeting over messenger with my son) with their two daughters 6 and 3. My son explained to the 3 year old that I was his mother- I could have cried.
DIL won’t eat in my house or let me feed children. They bring their own food from the supermarket on the motorway.
On the way to the event we had arranged she said she didn’t want me to go in their family car, I could drive myself. As I live alone and so rarely see them I said I would prefer to be wedged between their car seats; I so enjoyed sharing a book with them on the short journey (where’s Spot?) on the way back she insisted I sit in the front.
With her it is her controlling father who calls the shots, her mother is rarely mentioned except with disdain, she went off with her father and the children for a week after the visit and yet still told me that she found the visit to me very disruptive for the children.
It is heartbreaking and I can only hope that the future will be better. My son did come up to me during the visit to the children’s zoo, after she had removed the oldest child from my hand, And asked if I was OK when I obviously showed some dismay.
I can’t see how confrontation would help. Perhaps i’m Just too scared. I said I was fine. I have never been allowed access to them alone. They have never stayed etc.
I have always loved children and babies and women, doing voluntary work in nurseries as a child, giving up my career for seven years to be full time mum, my choice, and now I have this. It is hard sometimes not to feel sorry for oneself but that doesn’t butter any parsnips.
My son sends me messenger videos and pictures that keep me going. My son’s in his forties she is ten years younger. Your son is very young and for some reason or another wants you to back off. Just keep the link going and don’t force things ... No real answers just loads of sympathy. At the end of the day I think, well she has given me two grandchildren, she loves my son, they seem happy. As a mother perhaps that should be enough. But I have so much to give and feel deprived I have to admit.

I do not have any advice, but I do feel for you. My DD moved and did not tell us where, I only heard from my stepson and like you I do not know why she keeps D GDs away from us.
Do it's not only sons and Dil but daughters and sil please take care