Estranged granddaughter .

Could you see her on another day, close to her birthday?
She is growing up, so she won't probably want to spend so much time with her family.

My GD is the same age and exactly the same problem her Dad lives a good journey away and now she has friends that she wants to socialise with at weekends she upsets her Dad by saying she has plans for the weekend, he gets cross and upset but she is speaking her mind and trying to be kind but wants to have fun with her friends . It’s a sign they are growing up and I know she loves her Dad but she doesn’t want to spend so much time with him.
It’s hard but this too will pass and when she’s older she’ll realise how important your side of her family is too. You just need to be patient .

Let her?
See her on another day?
She's 14. Growing up and it's what she wants to do for her birthday.

Sorry 15

Is she interested in music/theatre ? Maybe if you can afford to, ask if there is a show she would like to see and try and get tickets for you to take her & her dad. Don't know where you live so may not be possible. Or is a midweek Pizza out of the question? Our DGD is just 13 and her weekends are chocca with football, sewing class and homework.. and hanging out with friends! But one evening midweek for a meal etc may work better for her.

My S and his wiife divorced when my GD was only 2.
Fortunately for uswe mindedher and kept a very close contact with her mum which survives to this day.
She and her dad could have as much contact as they want or need.
Neither of them need it. She is nearly 20 now and they have very minimal contact, no falling out or animosity they just have no need for each other.
This may sound a dreadful situation, it isnt, let things develop in its own way.
We are very, very close, I hope it works out well for you.

What’s RBS girls ?
It is a natural thing dear Rolo today I say my 15 year old for the first time in two weeks and she lives half a mile away
Invite her for a meal with her dad maybe ask if she wants a friend to come along Go with the flow it’s nothing anyone’s done and you need to explain its a natural progression to he4 dad who may not be clued about teenagers

At 15 I went out with my friends on my birthday not my family. I don't remember anyone in my family minding or finding it unusual.

My teenage grandchildren spend their bdays with their friends. I usually do a family meal at the weekend of every bday, but the family dynamics have changed, lots of tension, so I doubt there'll be any more such "meals". Besides I am too old to be cooking for so many.
The teenagers spend weekends doing so many things....I usually check if they are going to be in and then pop in for an hour .

I used to be in charge of some of the GCs birthdays but nowadays we go and have a piece of birthday cake on a day near to their birthdays, they go out with friends or have friends to their house. If its a question of organising another day obviously that is doable but I am not clear if she is refusing to see dad at all, that is rather different and hopefully temporary, can he sort this out with her mother? She will go her own way more from now on.

I used to be in charge of some of the GCs birthdays but nowadays we go and have a piece of birthday cake on a day near to their birthdays, they go out with friends or have friends to their house. If its a question of organising another day obviously that is doable but I am not clear if she is refusing to see dad at all, that is rather different and hopefully temporary, can he sort this out with her mother? She will go her own way more from now on.

Perhaps see her on another day close to her birthday.

If you make a big issue of this, you may end up having a quarrel.

Girls of 15 are becoming more independent and their friends are very important to them.

Give her time and space. She is likely to come round as she gets older.

I hope so anyway.

Maybe she would visit her dad overnight on a weekday if weekends don't work. Perhaps she is only allowed to have sleepovers at weekends and only wants to invite her friends to her main bedroom at her mums place etc?

Many years ago a good friend of ours who was divorced found the only way he could persuade his teenage sons to spend time with him was to invite the friends along. As teenagers get older they want to be with their friends. I’m sure we were all the same. I’m just grateful that my 13 year old GD wanted to spend time with us this summer.

Melanieeastanglia has it in a nutshell. Your granddaughter is a young adult and needs to be independent to an extent. Agree to see her another time and tell her to have a good time on her birthday.

Contact arrangements need to be reassessed when children become teens.

"Every weekend" isnt sustainable as they grow. Weekends are prime time for teens and their friends.

Try putting something on the table like Wednesday nights and ONE weekend a month. And maybe offer to redecorate her room at his & get a pull out bed for sleepovers.

IMO he will have much better luck taking her out for a midweek burger when her friends are on schoolnight curfew!

But if she shares a room with her sis at her dads and has a room of her own at her mums it'll be a hard sell!

Keep in loving contact. Fourteen us a difficult age for teenagers, they want to make theirnow rules, doesn't mean she doesn't car. Suggest a date to suit her at a venue she wants, it doesn't matter if it's not on the day, that would always stop soon anyway.

I think that you leave your son out of it if she’s having issues with him?

Maybe invite her out to supper one week night? (I’d ask her mum first though personally!)

Of course she would rather be with friends, gift card or cash is what most 14/15 year olds want.

Whats RBS?

I would send her some money and tell her to have fun with her friends. 15 years of age don't want to be out with their family. Just say you'd love to see her anytime she wants to visit.
Her Dad won't lose her, in the future she will want to spend time with him, she just needs to be out having fun with her own age group at this time of her life.
Also that's what seems to them a large age gap between the girls, a 15 year old won't be choosing to spend much time with a 9 year old. No doubt they will be better friends in a few years time.

Its much more worrying when its the other way round trust me. I have a relative that age who is treated like their parent's "companion"/best friend and spends all their time with them.

Not in a homebody/introvert way, which would be fine, but in a co-dependant needy chicken-licken way.

Their parents and a few other relatives think its brilliant that the kid is "best friends" with them but I think its worrying that a kid that age isn't learning any independence skills. I foresee issues in the future, either they will end up rebelling too much, or they will take neediness & co-co-dependency into their adult relationships

Be glad your GD is developing normally. It means you've all done something right. She will come back to you. This is what they SHOULD be doing, they push away then come back.

Well I don’t think we are going to ever know what an RBS girl is judyjudy

Do the other posters know but are not telling us or not know but do not want to appear ignorant.