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Daughter moved to Australia

(18 Posts)
oscaro11 Sat 15-Sep-18 16:36:59

I'm hoping to contact others ladies in a similar situation where a daughter/son has moved to Australia. I still have one daughter here in the UK but we all find it very hard when they return to Aus after a visit. Everyone I know has their sons/daughters nearby so would like to find someone in a similar boat for online chats or even meeting up.
Thank you.

crazyH Sat 15-Sep-18 17:15:01

Can't help you Oscaroll, as all mine live in the same town as me. But I can tell you about my darling Mum who had 9 children and all but 2, spread their wings and went to foreign lands. I can't imagine how she must have felt, growing old with most of her children so far away. Mind you, the one son (my lovely brother) who she eventually spent her last days with, looked after her like a little princess.....sad thing is, he passed away before her and she had to go into a Nursing home.

Smileless2012 Sat 15-Sep-18 18:03:04

Hello oscaroll. Our eldest son has been living in Australia for just over 5 years now so I understand how you feelflowers. Your heart leaps for joy when they visit you, or you visit them and then it breaks when it's time to say goodbye.

It's been particularly hard for us as our only other child, his younger brother cut us out of his and our only GC's lives a year before he went.

We keep in regular contact, talking almost every week on skype or face time but of course it's not the same as actually having them with you as I'm sure you've found.

He went there just after he married, it was her dream but he does love it there. Unfortunately, his marriage ended last year. Rather ironic really as I doubt very much he'd have gone to Australia otherwise.

We want them to spread their wings and fly, just wish they wouldn't fly so far away. Feel free to pm me if you'd like too.

Bluegal Sat 15-Sep-18 18:17:52

Not had that experience BUT just wondering why you feel it’s a kind of “club”. I.e wanting to meet others in same situation? It’s not like an illness or something is it?

Am sure it’s hard saying goodbye but with Skype and everything now it doesn’t seem any worse than I was years ago living in Scotland and my parents in England. We didn’t have internet then and because of work commitments could only visit infrequently too.

I know Australia is so much further but still same scenario x

Smileless2012 Sat 15-Sep-18 18:32:44

I'm sure we'd find it much easier if our son were living in Scotland Bluegal even without skyping than having him living on the other side of the world.

We're lucky if we get to see each other once a year. I'm sure however infrequently you saw your parents it was more frequent than that.

Bluegal Sat 15-Sep-18 18:40:39

No, actually wasn't! Its psychological though isn't it? I understand that.

oscaro11 Sat 15-Sep-18 18:57:13

Thanks for the replies. No I don't think of it as an illness or as being in a club, that comment really made me laugh, but for those of us whose adult children live on another continent and who we see once a year,if we are lucky, would understand.

Coolgran65 Sat 15-Sep-18 19:12:37

My only ds and I email several times each week, we facetime on occasion to as our dgs. We talk on the phone for about an hour every month or so.

However it has been 8 years since he was home, cost of buying a house, need a car, new baby. Money is scarce. There were regular visits before baby. We've made it to visit twice

When it takes about two days travel to get there.... I think the distance and cost is more than psychological.

Coolgran65 Sat 15-Sep-18 19:13:44

* on occasion to see our dgs.

Smileless2012 Sat 15-Sep-18 22:58:52

The distance, the cost and that long exhausting journey are all factors when your AC lives so far away. I agree Coolgran it's more than psychological, it's physical.

Nothing can compensate for the absence of physical contact. That first hug is so wonderful and the last hug is so heartbreaking.

Apricity Sun 16-Sep-18 00:22:00

In my family it is the other way round. I live in Australia and my son and his family live in Scandinavia. Sadly I don't have the same close relationship with my young Vikings as I do with my local grandchildren. It just is what it is. However we all now live in a global community. At a recent gathering of older friends every person had an adult child living permanently overseas.

In this context I have often thought about my forebears who all migrated to Australia in the mid 19th century from the UK. Not one of them, or their descendents for several generations, returned to the UK even for a visit. And, as I now know from family history research, many of them were illiterate so would not even have had the comfort of letters to and from "home". The same applied to the many millions who migrated all over the world. So none of this is new but the loss of family close by still hurts I know.

At least we now have the opportunities to communicate via the multiple options offered by the internet.

Newatthis Tue 18-Sep-18 14:23:01

I too have a daughter who lives thousands of miles away in San Francisco. It's breaks my heart a little bit more each time I have to say goodbye to her and my only grandchild. It's even worse when family/friends/relatives make insensitive comments such as "oh, it must be awful for you, I don't know what I would do if I didn't see ......every day/week". I count up the hours I do spend with them and have worked it out that I actually have spent more hours with my daughter/granddaughter then many people I know who, although they see their family regularly, it might only be for 3-4 hours each week. Please message me - we can support each other.

SueDonim Tue 18-Sep-18 19:05:16

My son lives in the US with his family. He's been there for 15 years, leaving the UK when his youngest sibling was just 6yo.

Whilst I don't think of it as a club, particularly, it is very different from having your family in the same country as you. I have spent most of my adult life 500+ miles from my family but that doesn't entail the difficulties, particularly of cost, that family living abroad does.

Face Time, messaging etc is good, and we appreciate those services, but it's not the same as having your dc in the same country, even at a distance.

oscaro11 Tue 18-Sep-18 19:56:26

Yes it is the distance, the not being able to see them weekly, monthly or whatever but we do make good use of whatsapp and FaceTime, which are brilliant. Thanks to all who replied. I'm new on here.

Grammaretto Tue 18-Sep-18 22:38:31

We have a DS and DGC in NZ so understand very well how you feel.
We speak a lot and see them on Skype etc but its particularly hard when they are ill or there's a problem. We long to go and help but can't.
They love living there and there is no hope they will return.
As we all get older the thought of the journey is daunting.
I try not to dwell on these things and am really happy that they are happy. It is what we want for them after all to live their lives how they want.

They came to visit us this summer which was wonderful.

absent Wed 19-Sep-18 06:20:43

I don't think anyone really understands how hard it is when one's child emigrates to the other side of the world unless it has happened to them. I have "cried a river" at airports saying goodbye or on aeroplanes when I left after visits. I have sat up in bed in the early hours of the morning while my daughter cried down the phone because her marriage had gone so terribly wrong. I have been worried out of my mind when a grandchild was born dangerously premature. As a mother you are so completely helpless. Obviously, in the case of a premature child, superb doctors and nurses were taking care of the baby, but we all know that the person a daughter most wants to support and comfort her in a time of crisis is mum – and you're not there. Skype doesn't cut the mustard.

absent Wed 19-Sep-18 06:24:41

Coolgran65 It is hard to admit that he is home. Where he lives now with his family is his home. Our adult children have homes but they are no longer with us or even in the same country.

Tomlindee Wed 26-Sep-18 13:22:02

That's true, remember my folks moving back to Copenhagen from California, was hard for me growing.... Time heals.