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Support for all who are living with estrangement

(972 Posts)
Smileless2012 Mon 17-Sep-18 18:04:52

Another thread ladies so get posting. A we've had over the years, several contributors living with estrangement as they have chosen this path, I see no reason to change the title of this thread.

I hope you all agree.

Doodle Mon 17-Sep-18 21:23:10

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for all of you who have troubled relationships with your families. I hope somehow you can have peace of mind and hope you're differences can somehow be resolved on all sides.

crazyH Mon 17-Sep-18 21:23:58

Thankyou Smileless - things are quiet over here...no further contact from THE son....I'd rather that than cruel texts. Looks like he has calmed down.
Busy with my teenage granddaughter- my daughter is away with work. Grandson is with his Dad - trying to keep a teenager engaged is hard work......she has her phone glued to her fingers anyway. She has never been the greatest of talkers......a quiet and sweet child.
Treated ourselves to a Chinese takeaway 😂

Chewbacca Mon 17-Sep-18 21:49:26

That's kind of you Doodle, thank you.

Madgran77 Tue 18-Sep-18 00:48:07

The title remains perfectly clear that it is for ALL who are living with estrangement Smileless so glad you didn't change it! Support is the key word! flowers

Starlady Tue 18-Sep-18 02:34:25

Once again, like Doodle, my heart aches for all of you here living w/ estrangement or on the verge of it....

Bopeep14 Tue 18-Sep-18 08:58:41

I agree with Madgran77 the title of the thread is clear, lots of people living with estrangement of one kind or another, I didn’t realise just how many until I joined gransnet.

Smileless2012 Tue 18-Sep-18 09:12:24

Thank you Doodle, it's lovely to have such a kind and thoughtful first post to get this new thread up and runningsmile.

Sometimes silence can be golden crazy. It's good that your son seems to have calmed down, hopefully he'll be in touch with you and you'll be able to begin getting things back on track.

Enjoy your time with your GD; teenagers aren't easy are theygrin. Hope you enjoyed your takeaway; I love a good Chinese.

Good to see your post Starlady, I meant to say yesterday that it was nice to hear from you again but I forgotblush.

You're right Madgran support is the key and I think continuity is also important so regular posters find the new thread easily.

Have a good day every one.

Smileless2012 Wed 19-Sep-18 16:51:11

Six weeks now since Mr. S. retired and we're both enjoying spending a lot more time together and the freedom that no longer having to plan everything around work.

I'm trying to get him to drop his 'I hate shopping' face as a leisurely stroll around the shops is one of the things retired people do. He did get quite animated at one point today when I was looking at dental chews for our fur babies, he'd calculated that we'd save 75p if we bought 3 packs of 5 instead of 1 pack of 15.

So you never know, he might actually learn to enjoy shoppinghmm.

agnurse Wed 19-Sep-18 19:31:40

Smileless

It might depend on what he's shopping to get and where you go.

My dad is very much into target shooting, reloading his own ammunition, and working with tools. He could potentially spend hours in a hardware or outfitters' store.

In the city near where Hubby and I live, they have the flagship outlet of a chain of hardware stores. It's huge - two stories. The other day Hubby joked that if we brought my dad we'd never get him out of there. I said, "Yup - we'll just drop him off there, and go shopping somewhere else. He can text us when he's done and we'll go collect him."

Smileless2012 Thu 20-Sep-18 08:29:02

That's good point agnurse he loves garden centres but now we've moved and have a roof terrace and no garden, we're limited to pots and hanging baskets which he does beautifully, but are rather limiting.

Yesterday, when I was looking at clothes he wandered off and found a book shop to browse around. When we met up again, there were several men there of similar age so being near a book shop may be the keygrin.

agnurse Thu 20-Sep-18 15:58:08

Yup. I love bookshops. Sometimes when Hubby and I are out shopping we'll disperse and go to different stores or different departments. We always find each other.

Smileless2012 Thu 20-Sep-18 16:49:22

Antique shopsgrin. I've always been a fan and made a convert out of Mr. S. today agnurse. We've come home today with a beautiful Victorian mirror, with a heavy guilt frame and sunflowers painted on the glass. Weighs a ton and Mr. S. carried it home.

Honestly it really is lovely. He's just finished hanging it and is rather pleased with himself.

Starlady Sat 22-Sep-18 11:29:08

Glad you and Mr. S. are enjoying yourselves, Smileless, and that you found a way to help him enjoy shopping, too. Book and antique shops - sounds heavenly! Hope the good times continue!

Starlady Sat 22-Sep-18 11:29:52

Oh, just saw your comment to me, Smileless. Thanks for the kind words.

Rhinestone Sun 23-Sep-18 04:22:36

Hi -I found all of you again.
One thing I find funny when we first retired and we would shop Mr.R. would follow me like a puppy dog. I would be looking at something and turn around and he was six inches away from my face. It stressed me out so that he decided to sit on the “ man bench” outside the store.
Today I went to an antique store by myself. It was heaven.
Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

Madgran77 Sun 23-Sep-18 10:32:01

guilt frame...Smileless that predictive text beauty made me giggle - guilt at the cost maybe? Who cares!! Anyway I like gilt frames too

Rhinestone Tue 25-Sep-18 14:12:12

Good rainy morning here across the pond.
Had another birthday yesterday and low and behold my son who I haven’t seen or talked to in a year texted me just two words” happy birthday” I thanked him and that was it. Today his father and I are going to talk to a psychologist to see if there are any tips he can give us for this second estrangement in three years. I hope we get some answers but I suspect some mental illness as he has some paranoia.
I heard nothing from our other son ( my stepson)

Smileless2012 Thu 27-Sep-18 13:50:33

I hadn't noticed that Madgranblushand I read it before and after posting.

We've been away for a few days, I couldn't get on line which was rather annoying as I'm always worried I've missed something.

Good to see your post Rhinestone. I'm gad you at least got a 'happy birthday' from your ES. You've got me thinking now; I wondered why there are so many benches in our town, didn't realise they were 'man benches'grin.

Punk63 Mon 01-Oct-18 19:18:47

Hello all, I'm new here, although I have been lurking. Anyone here estranged from daughter as opposed to D-I-L? It's been 2yrs, haven't seen my two GS. When she said she didn't want any contact we respected that, no cards, no gifts, no attempts, nothing. She has been in touch a few times regarding things I've posted on my fb page about it, but why should I be quiet and pretend like everything is ok, it isn't?

crazyH Tue 02-Oct-18 00:16:27

Welcome Punk...... well, haven't been estranged but nearly there many a time. I have a daughter and 2 sons, all of us live in the same town. Daughter and older son are such difficult individuals. I hardly hear from my daughter because she is busy. I understand, she is divorced, 2 teenage children and all that ....but surely she can find some time to visit me. I always make an effort to go over to her house or I would never see her...we always butt heads and sometimes it's better to keep away. We had a row once, and she did what your daughter did and almost cut me off. I went with a tail between my legs and everything was fine, until the next row.
Two years is a long time, if your daughter lives in the same town. ..was there a big fallout. To cut your mother out of your life for no reason, seems so cruel and drastic.
And btw, if you feel like posting on FB, don't let her stop you. She is ashamed of her behaviour, that's why .
flowers

Luckylegs9 Tue 02-Oct-18 07:20:52

Yes Punk I am. I would not post on FB though, wouldn't let others know for many years, I wouldn't want anyone thinking badly of her, deep down I must have always felt in some way I wasn't good enough or it wouldn't have happened. If she cared she wouldn't have done it, nothing I could do or say can alter that. The older I get, the lonelier I feel inside without her, she's part of me, despite that I have made a new life for myself. The longer it goes on, the less chance of it changing, so try now if you can.

Punk63 Tue 02-Oct-18 09:49:00

I don't want to fix it. We were never all that close really, and something she threw in my face quite a lot. But I cannot and will not forgive her taking my GC away from me. The damage is done, her feeling like the outcast of the family was not my fault, OK I wasn't the perfect parent, but should I be punished forever for that in this cruel way?

Violetfloss Tue 02-Oct-18 11:48:36

If you've never had a close relationship with your Daughter it wasn't going to change once she has children.

She's now a mother. If she has felt that way her entire life she will absolutely blame you, if that's right or wrong, she will. You dont get on. It doesnt sound like you like each other.

If you want a relationship with your Grandchildren the relationship with your Daughter needs fixing.

It's not about you Punk and her punishing you, it's about your Daughter what is best for herself and her family.
Maybe she has felt the way she has been treated is cruel?
And stop airing your dirty laundry on Facebook. You're not 12.

Smileless2012 Tue 02-Oct-18 13:11:58

Welcome to this thread Punk. It's bad enough being cut out by your own child and also losing your GC as a result makes it doubly painful.

I agree with crazy, it's not up to your D to dictate what you may or may not post on FB. Having excluded you from her's and her children's lives, I wonder why she takes the trouble to look at your FB.

There's no reason why you should "be quiet and pretend like everything is OK". That's what we did in the early days of our estrangement until we realised we'd done nothing to be ashamed of and there was no reason to be anything other than honest.

You've respected her decision to have nothing to do with you by making no contact whatsoever, so she needs to respect your decision not to treat your estrangement like a dirty secret. She certainly doesn't IMO have the right to tell you how to conduct your life when she's removed you from her's.

There's nothing in Punk's post to suggest that she and her D don't like one another Violetfloss. A parent and child never having been close doesn't mean they dislike one another.

This is absolutely about Punk, it's about her as much as it is about the D whose estranged her and the GC who as a result, have lost a GM. She is being punished by her D and her D is also punishing her own children.

How do you know Punk's exclusion is the best thing for her D's family, for her GC?

Why is being open about being CO by your D "airing your dirty laundry on Facebook"? For all we or Punk knows, her D could be discussing the situation on her own FB as no doubt Punk's been blocked so she's unable to have any information or photo's of the GC she's not allowed to see.