Support for all who are living with estrangement

More often than not if I'm asked if we have GC I say no. It's just easier that way SouperNann.

I really don't want to hear from our ES. It's taken us a long time to rebuild our lives, to put ourselves back together again and I really don't think either of us would have the strength to do it all over again.

My concern is that when someone goes no contact and maybe creates a situation where you don't see your grandkids grow up, how they could reappear years later. It would be too difficult for them. My own sister distanced herself from our mum years ago and confirmed the same to me last night. Its really hard when you have been away for so long and of course they are concerned that others will judge them. So I guess my daughter may feel that she can never reappear. I am hoping my GD remembers we were close and will realise more than anything that she didn't do anything wrong. My daughter used to say she could not see me sometimes because she was naughty. She will seriously think it is her fault I am sure and it will be mentally damaging for her. I cant even tell people I am a nan anymore because I'm not. I cant talk about it openly without being sad or ashamed.

SouperNan it's strange isn't it when all else fails to give us an explanation for our adult child estranging themselves, we ask if we did too much.

You've done so much, but not too much. It looks as if your D resents and became jealous of the relationship you developed with your GD, which was an inevitable result of you helping her to raise her.

You've had a relationship with this little girl for 5 years, memories that will not easily be erased or tampered with.

I agree with crazy your D has needed you so much in the past, it may not be long before she needs you in the future.

As hard as it is, take each day at a time and know that we are here to listen when you need us.

Hi CrazyH
Yes she is a little unstable but she has been like is all o her life. Very sensitive and the biggest issue for her was having children so early which transformed her physically. She felt so unattractive and stopped going out. I tried to help with that taking her for coffees and dropping her off and collecting her from work and my GD to nursery then school, all the time disguising my lateness at work. I put so much effort in and looked after GD all the time. There is a massive hole, lots of photos and kids stuff round the place. Just no kids. My son has been a rock. I couldn’t have done any more and perhaps I did too much? ?

Oh Soupernan, how sad. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but your daughter sounds a bit unstable. I'm sure she'll come back ....she needs you and her loving family. Don't think too far ahead....before you know it, she'll be back. My s.i.l. lost contact with her grandchildren for about 10 years, but now they're back in the fold, so to speak. I hope yours will be sooner than that. Keep posting and let us know how things are

Hey, I just wanted to add that I have read so much negativity about estranged grandparents on the web. I really haven’t done anything by the way. It was just tha5 I was in the way and a constant reminder of the past. Will my 5 year old grand daughter be taught to forget me and hate me? Is there any one whose GD came to find them years after

I feel so sad and torn. Another night of crying and not sleeping. My Daughter had a child with a guy she cut out of her life by the time my DG was 2 and replaced him with a new dad and a new baby. She constantly worried the first dad was going to come back. I bought a house for her and helped raise my DG for the first 3 years really and was always close to her. One day my daughter decided to do a runner and go NC so that no one can find her. She was jealous of my relationship with my granddaughter and told me so. I tried to contact her and now she has fled the area completely possibly taking my DG away from her first school and friends. She is a mess but has behaved so selfishly. What happens when my DG works it all out? Will I ever see her again? All ties have been cut with my side of the family including my parents, Little Nanny and Little Grandad and her loving uncle. So many destroyed memories. I’ve not seen them for 4 months and I really am heartbroken

A brief message Rhinestone but it's perhaps opened the door just a jar and gives you the opportunity to contact him. I do hope his response is a positive one and that you're able to meet and it goes well.

There are some beautiful autumn colours here. I think its because we had such a wonderful summer which has been good for bees and our vineyards so it's not all bad.

We're at our holiday home for a few days. Glorious sunshine and clear blue skies so we'll take the dogs on to the beach for a mad run around; the dogs will be the ones doing the running.

Hi Rhinestone....... I visited Canada a few times, and once in the Fall. My brother drove us to have a look at the Fall Colours in (forgot the name of the place/park). It was stunning....nothing like that here in the U.K.
Hope your meeting with your son goes well. Yes, seeing pictures of grandkids really hurt, when you can't see them in person....
All the best xx

Hi Everyone- Been out of town for a bit so just wanted to say hello. I updated my phone and it needed my password which I didn’t have until I got home.
Saw some beautiful colors of fall. I had time to think and after the two word birthday greeting from my son I think I will text him and ask if we can get together. I’m not expecting much though. No words still from my stepson but the pics of his sons hurt so much to see on Twitter.
Hope you all had a good weekend .

No worries Madgran maybe we'll get them at the same time and will be able to celebrate together.

It's terrible when we lose a poster because of the insensitivity of some one who hasn't even experienced the pain of estrangement.

Smileless I made an assumption didn't I ...oops!! I also wont get the OAP pass for several years (1954 birth year syndrome!) but I am lucky to benefit from the TFL one

Glad you had a lovely meal here's to many more!

Dolcelatre please try not to be driven away by some unfortunate posters. It is so sad when that happens and S unfair for you

Thank you Smileless. I appreciate that.

DolcelatteI'm so sorry that you don't feel safe posting here especially as you have found support, which is what this thread is for.

You can always pm and of course we hope the same for you, "that your pain will turn to joy".

Smileless, I am sure you looked young and lovely. The difference is that it is an offence to serve alcohol to the underaged, whereas the pub probably just want to sell meals!

I haven't posted recently because, as a result of agnurse's posts on this and the threads, I no longer see this as a safe place to gain support. But I wish the very best to all of you and hope that your pain will turn to joy. Thank you so much for listening and for welcoming me. You have helped me more than you will ever know.

Madgran I'm at least 7 years away from getting a bus pass. The other week we went to a lovely pub and Mr. S. ordered us both a pensioners lunch. He isn't officially a pensioner for another 4 weeks.

Great food and very reasonable. I remember how frustrating it was to prove I was 18 and legally able to buy alcohol and was a bit miffed that no one questioned if I was eligible for a pensioners lunch.

I put it down to them not believing he didn't have a much younger wife.

You too Smileless....have a nice weekend one and all !

Try spending the money on a nice meal in a nice pub somewhere new ...using your pensioners bus pass or if in London the TFL Over 60's card¬! We find it very good fun!!

As it's been a bit quiet on here, which isn't a bad thing as it means we are all busy, busy, busy, I thought I'd come on and wish everyone a good weekend.

Mr. S. and I have been at it again, buying second hand I mean. Found another antique mirror with a gilt (got it right this time) and hand painted lilies. Looks great on the same wall as the one we bought earlier.

Will have to stop buying things I think and find other things to keep us busy now he's retired.

Have a good weekendand my favourite .

You must be so excited Ginny; I'm excited for you. Have a wonderful time and tell us all about it when you get back x

You're welcome, maddyone.

Ginny, I don't think your love was ever "not wanted." Sounds more like sil was dealing with issues within himself and dd was maintaining a relationship with you to the extent that she could. Hopefully, that's all behind you now. Hope you and yours all have a great time!

I think the saddest part is feeling that we have so much love to give but that it's not wanted and it's thrown back in our faces. My DGS is so excited about me going out this week. It feels like a reality now. It's been a long time coming and I'm hoping that other posters will one day be reunited with their loved ones too. It takes a lot of courage to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hugs to all for being brave.

Thank you Starlady.

Welcome, Punk! My heart goes out to you, too! I think it was very wise of you and dh to respect the "no contact' boundary and not send cards, gifts, and so on. Unfortunately, by complaining on fb, it may have seemed that you were making contact, after all, and in a way that embarrassed your d. I agree with others that she shouldn't have been looking at your fb page if she didn't want contact, and that she has no right to try to tell you what you can and cannot post. She may be thinking, though, that you know she'll see it or hear about it from someone else. So she may think you do it to hurt her.

I know you're just getting your own hurt off your chest, but she may not see it that way. So I'm afraid the fb posts can only prolong your estrangement. But now you have us, so I think it's better to let your feelings about the co out here and not on fb. We'll listen and d won't see.

Maddy, so glad things are better for you and yours. Sorry there's still some struggle, but hope that improves soon, too.