Support for all who are living with estrangement

agnurse

I totally agree with you Luckylegs; works of fiction.

Today is our Thanksgiving dinner st my home. No response from my son as to being invited nor my reclusive brother. There will only be us six but as I have said in the past I am thankful for this grandparents site and for all of the friends I have made here.

Happy Thanksgiving Rhinestone.

Happy Thanksgiving Rhinestone ! Enjoy the Turkey ?????xx

Thank you . I did have a nice dinner but it is lots of work as you know. Sick of turkey now.

As some of you will know my eldest son has gone non contact. Since he has gone non contact my grandchild has had a birthday and three of his step children have had birthdays. I have sent gifts for all the birthdays and received thank you cards from the children written by the parents. Still blocked on all form of communication as far as I am aware. I have bought the children’s Christmas present , I have no idea how I am going to get them to them.I was thinking maybe I should give up, as it’s been months since he last sent me a text saying he was going away but he would get in touch when he gets back to try and sort things out, I am still waiting. I am fed up of thinking every time my phone rings or the there’s a knock on the door it’s him, I just want to get back to living. He obviously has done that. I feel for my sanity I need to let it go. ?

Bopeep14There used to be a psychologist on the radio that believed in being “ stupid and cheerful” when it came to some relationships. Why not call your son and act like you aren’t aware of anything and tell him you have gifts for them for Xmas and when is a good time to get together.
Give it one more try. This time you are not waiting on him and will know where he is in his no contact stance with you. What have you got to lose?

Rhinestone believe me i have tried, the only things i havent done are go to his home and work, and i have no intention of doing either.

Bopeep.....if I were you, I wouldn't go knocking at his door either at home or work. We have to retain a piece of our dignity, even though our hearts tell us something else. I still have to ring or text my d.i.l. to fix a time/day to see my grkids - they never visit me or drop in even though we live about 10 mins drive. I have offered to cook a meal but they're always "busy".
Awful day here in Wales.....makes everything look gloomier.
I can't do any more. I can't do right for doing wrong.
I know my health is deteriorating, mentally and physically.
But they don't care

It's so hurtful crazyH. It seems like an impossible situation. I agree no matter what you do it will be wrong. So sorry your health is being affected but hardly surprising. I just don't understand why they don't stop and think "how would they feel if their son/daughter excluded them"! I imagine they consider they are so good at parenting it will never happen to them. Thank goodness this thread allows us to unburden.

crazyyou must try and take care of yourself and take some comfort in the knowledge that there is some contact with your GC. It's not ideal by any means, I know.

Mr. S. and I are in Fuerteventura, arrived Sunday and have had a lovely day relaxing by and in the pool. We couldn't go out and about as I had a really bad night last night, stomach cramps and the 'you know what's' so it made sense to stay near the loo.

Feeling much better this evening so I'll just have to be careful what I have to eat.

Thankyou Googoo and Smileless.
Hope you've got over the bug Smileless and you both ? GN your holiday. I'm feeling a bit fluey this evening. ...a couple of paracetamols should do the trick.
I was just reading a really tragic story from the USA (Colorado), where a young father kills his wife and 2 beautiful little girls, the wife was 15 weeks pregnant, all because he wanted to start a new life with his mistress. Can you imagine what those grandparents are going through? They will never ever see their grandchildren again (and their daughter). With us, there's always a glimmer of hope, however dull the glimmer is.
Makes you think.....love to all

Well, when I was poorly the night before last we'd had a BBQ and tonight we had another BBQ and I began to feel ill again so I stopped eating and left most of it.

I asked Mr. S. if he was trying to poison me. We don't know what's upsetting me but bless him, he said BBQ's are off the menu which is a real pain as I love BBQ's.

That's awful crazy. I read an equally awful report in the paper today. Rotherham council have contacted a man, who is serving 35 years for several accounts of rape and sexual abuse, to inform him he has the right to see the child he fathered when he raped a girl of 15.

That poor woman and her child.

I read it and thought OMG a convicted rapist has the right to see his child, a product of his awful crime, and there are loving and decent GP's who cannot see their GC because of the spite of their AC and/or their partners.

You couldn't make it up could you.

I agree Smileless......crazy world ?

Is there any reason why they have gone ‘non contact’? Was there a fall out? Is it the controlling DIL who doesn’t like you? There must be a reason.

I sure hope it’s a supervised visitation with that child.
SmilelessI hope you are feeling better. I too had a bug on and off for over a week.

So sorry to hear this Rhinestone. My son was married to a real harridan. Tricky to see the grandchildren. We were never invited .... all about her family. My son never stood up for us, his own family. Finally after ten years they divorced. She went off with the man who came to fit a new kitchen! For four years we got our son back and saw the grandchildren ..,.. and now he has met and moved in with another controller the same as the last one. Back to not seeing them! Stupid boy!

So sorry Pythagoras.....he'll be back ....hope he has another kitchen fitted....sorry, I mustn't make light of it but aren't these sons of ours really foolish?
Hope your tummy has settled Smileless.

Crazy h ..... I despair at son’s stupidity ...... but if one says anything, it makes it worse. I find it best to back off and busy myself with other things. I hope it’s not going to take another ten years ....... anyhow changing my will ..... at least I have control over that! As he is a serial self harmer I need to protect my grandchildren! Lol!

Bopeep ... Start spending his inheritance ...,, that usually gets their attention! Lol!

Pythagorus that made me laugh, until he met his now wife he was a very different person, so yes I would say it is something to do with his wife, not liking us or his siblings and not wanting them in his life. I hope one day he wakes up and realises what he has lost, but I am not holding my breath.

Bopeep ..... sometimes you have to play the long game ....
It is tricky .... if a friend treated you like that you would drop them like a hot potato! But with our children we can’t let go .... some people do ... in order to protect themselves from further pain. But the majority of us either take the crumbs we are offered and keep going back to be rejected over and over again! Sadly there are a plethora of unkind jealous DILs in the world!

How awful for you Pythagorus to get your son and GC back for 4 years, to lose them all over again.

We've let our son go, moved to a new home and begun a new chapter in our lives. It was the only way we could survive and find peace and happiness once more.

That's what I've had Rhinestone, a bug. Started again yesterday with the dreaded 'D' so Mr. S. went out and got me some tablets. It said on the box that taking 2 would put a stop to it within an hour. 'Yeah right' I thought, but they worked so we had a lovely BBQ last night and have another to look forward too this evening.

Fly home tomorrow, back to our little dogs and decorating our home for Christmas; lovely.

Love the bring stupid and cheerful quote, it makes sense, perhaps that's what u should have done. Thinking all of you estranged at this time of the year particularly its family time, and our lack of it really hurts. I would add it's not just Dil that cause the no contact, sometimes it's your own child!
Hope you feeling better Smileless.

Sorry Smileless, I thought you had gone to Australian and not Fuertaventura, been feeling down and not paying attention. Hope you enjoyed it, despite the upset tummy.
Pythagorous, Bopeep and Crazy Horse, sorry you have this pain. I know a lot of Dil are keen to split husband from mother, in their minds they want to be first, how silly because what will the message that their sons get? I think the people that come out best are those that let it all drift over their heads and although not severing contact, busy themselves with other things, making out nothing is wrong. I could never master it.