Feeling very low

Its hard to let go at times, kids and grandkids have their own lives, but remember that you gave them their confidence and their wings to help them fly !! The hard part is letting go ! Speak to all your AC openly, and let them all know that altho you don’t want to get in the way, you do value any invites and time spent with them. I also think that when your grandkids become teenagers you then go thro the empty nest thing all over again. Look on it as a new chapter for you, look at the Meet Up Groups in your area, they do all sorts. Check out single holiday companies, make a bucket list and start living your own dreams.

Crazy you don't suffer from bipolar I can assure you. Our 2nd son has bipolar so believe me I know. Bipolar is far more than depression.

See the Dr and do something about it. It sounds like you maybe depressed. Depression alone is NOT bipolar. You have alot of blessings in there to count.

'Re your son you don't see much of "why don't you ask to go down and when is best" They have lives. Certainly with lads they don't think. Is his wife really that antagonist?

You are certainly right that you are the glass is half empty type. Only you can change the way you look at things. No one can do it for you.

It sounds to me too that you need a hobby/interest. Something that is separate from your family life so your not relying on them for your happiness

Join some local groups. Try Meetup or the WI, which now do meals out, coffee mornings, theatre, cinema trips, days out and many other things. Be proactive about your life xx

Hello CrazyH. I am sorry that you feel low, and of course we all get like this from time to time. I am quite a glass half full type but I think my worst enemy is too much time to think and I think this is what you're doing. My sons and therefore my grandchildren (between 6 and 14) live a long way away and I found myself thinking "I wish they would get in touch" even though I know they are really busy. Then I would tell myself that I wouldn't get in touch with them in case they didn't want to be interrupted. But then I remembered my own mum who used to say exactly the same thing, when I was actually quite hurt that she never phoned!! So now I just face time when the mood takes me. If they are busy they don't have to answer but mostly they are happy to chat for a little while at least. I spoke to one son for 50 minutes yesterday as I caught him at a quiet time!!
So, what I'm saying really, is please don't be negative. With each of your children you're giving a reason why they won't want to see you so just turn up!! You're lucky to live near. Take a cake that you've baked or something. And don't expect to stay too long. Just a short visit will cheer you up no end. And PLEASE find something that interests you. We all need our hobbies.

What about checking out the University of the 3rd age? U3A.
www.u3a.org.uk/
Check out your local one and see what courses they offer. I did tai chi one year. I thought about wine-tasting . You can learn a language, practise one you already know, do pottery, art, discuss books, go on outings and many more things. It is probably a good way to meet people who might be good company.
www.u3a.org.uk/find

Stop feeling so sorry for yourself. You have so much for which to be thankful. One of my sons, his wife and daughter were with me last night but she is dying of cancer they have a 10 year old son, so stop moaning.

Not massively helpful

Oh Mabon........that's got to me...so sorry

When my daughter in law and daughter had new babies I helped by cooking a meal or even buying ready meals so they had something they could heat up when wanted. I also did ironing and washing for them and still do for my daughter. There are ways to help without interferring or taking over their time with the baby.

You don't mention friends or activities. When I was single I realised the world wasn't going to come into my lounge I had to go out and meet it.
I signed up for a computing based class and found a husband at the same time!
You don't mention a husband or partner but it sounds as though you need someone...a friend....with whom you can go for lunch, watch a movie, go for a stroll.....something....then start posting pictures of your wonderful days. Even if you just join a sewing class, join a photography group.....whatever it is that has been your interest and passion. It might take a while to integrate but you will.
My MIL, for a few years, went to the local school to help with children's reading. It gave her a real buzz.
I belong to an Embroidery group and a quilting group and a charity group. They don't take a huge amount of my time but I am meeting new people and have a day in London, this week, with one of the groups.
It will all work out.

I am so sorry you feel so down. I have the same problem and that can spiral into thinking your children don't care about you. Life is very busy these days for some families. Although I am married I am lonely most of the time but try to keep busy. I find reading passes time in the evening and downloading books from the local library is so easy and has helped me a lot. Go out to and you will probably find someone to talk to. I am guessing you are not a church goer but finding something to do that helps others can be good for improving your mood. Do go and see your local grandchildren without being invited. You may find they are just busy and thoughtlessly unaware that you are lonely. Do you have anyone you could write to? I write several letters most weeks and everyone loves to receive a letter. I do hope you can find a way to improve your life but it is you that will have to make the effort. Be brave, you have nothing to lose and plenty to gain.

I feel low this time of year especially. I know having a dog is a popular way of getting out. It does have its draw backs. I cannot leave my dog alone as next doors dog is allowed out to bark constantly. Which upsets mine. So that has limited where I can go.

These neighbours make me feel low they are there all day and leave the dog outside, it is never walked.

I am trying to move, but house on sale for 7 weeks and only two viewings.

Take vitamin D tablets. In the winter when our natural levels of vitamin D go down there is a tendency to feel a little low. In the UK it is hard to get enough vitamin D from sunlight in winter buy the supplements and pop over to see your new grandchild. I am sure they would love to see you.

The messages about mental health are clear and some gransnetters have given helpful replies you are very brave to have asked.
I send you my best wishes Coconut hope you feel better today.

Sorry I should have replied to CrazyH. Sorry Coconut.

Mabon1 I am so sorry that your daughter in law is so ill. I can understand why this, perhaps, makes you feel bitter towards people whom you think are complaining about 'trivial' things, compared to your own situation.
I have noticed that many of your comments are, shall we say, less than compassionate. It's sad that you so often feel the need to berate people when they ask for advice.

Thankyou kind ladies for listening.
Lunchtime, my grandson rang me for a lift from school ...did that. Then went into town, got some yummy pastries....neighbour popped in for a chat. She refused my offer of a pastry. No wonder she is so slim.
Yes, think I will get myself some Vit D tablets (can't have dogs, due to allergies).
Advertised my 15 year old car on Gumtree and I've already had a few interested parties- going to treat myself to a new car (well, nearly new)
So as you can see, I'm in a better mood - Thankyou so much everyone

CrazyH, please do get out of the house. Join U3A, there should be a branch near you. Find a craft club locally. Learn to sing, join a choir. Buy a dog that needs walking every morning.
I used to deliberately only have a day's cat food in the house, so I would have to go out and buy some from a little local shop.
Good luck

By the way, Lolol, I am a churchgoer andactually popped in today to say a prayer...helped a lot

CrazyH - I am glad that the cloud has started to lift a bit for you.

There is no hierarchy of feeling low, so don't be hurt by the earlier post. We all sometimes feel low over relatively small things or just an accumulation of small things. We feel what we feel, and that is that! Acknowledging it is step one in moving on. You are not moaning; just trying to make sense of this bit of your life.

mabon1 - sorry to hear of your burdens.

CrazyH I'm so glad that you are feeling a bit more cheerful. The vitamin D tablets are a good idea. When I went to the doctor's for my annual 'MOT' recently my blood results were fine, but my Vit D was a bit low. I was surprised to learn that most of the people who are tested have the same problem, even if they spend plenty of time outdoors. The body can't store it, so a top-up could do you good, and certainly won't harm you.
I hope that you will take the good advice and find a few activities to get you out of the house. I know that everyone says "I can't sing" but if you have a local Community Choir a good voice isn't necessary, and singing is the best tonic I know.
Don't forget to give us an update, and I hope to hear that your clouds have lifted permanently.

crazyH so glad you are feeling a bit brighter. My weekends are taken up with childcare but I have noticed requests for help from local charity shops on Saturdays, not necessarily in the shop but sorting and pressing clothes. Locally they have also been asking for volunteers to visit lonely old people for an hour or so. Weekends would probably be a good time for this too. I'm sure there are ways to become hospital visitors so maybe your local hospital can help.

I have learned that doing things for other people makes me feel more appreciative of my own life. Just a thought if it helps you. Keep strong.

I haven't read all your replies but just want to say how it seems to be all or nothing. Getting a balance in your life is tricky. I know people who complain that they do too much childcare and others who hardly, if ever, see their GC
My DM lived alone for many years and suffered from depression. However she had friends, as you do, and was wonderful company with stories to tell. You sound like a thoughtful person. You aren't rushing around to see the new baby. You can't help having occasional pangs of resentment and envy.
Look after yourself. Do things you enjoy.
The grass looks greener over there but perhaps it isn't!

crazyH I am glad to hear you sounding much brighter. You were suffering from “Sunday syndrome” something many of us are familiar with. When DH was alive I dreaded Sundays because he was not well enough for us to do anything
Now he is gone I do have the freedom to go out if I wish.
Honestly a drive to somewhere (anywhere, but with a view helps) or a wander round M&S, or a coffee at Waitrose plus chatting to the checkout staff if appropriate can lift me out of it. You don’t have to panic about Vitamin D levels, just be prepared for Sundays..
If the weather is foul treat yourself to a nice meal/DVD or a new book, if it is fine go out - anywhere! But do not look at the rest of the world on Facebook. They are not necessarily playing happy families or socialising or walking the Pennine Way, many of them are stuck indoors with just the ironing to do!

With families working during the week, I do feel the weekends should be theirs. When I see how much a lot of you spend with families I think that's lovely. CrazyH I think your family sound great, they appear to love you very much. Weekends are difficult on your own, I have had a lot of time to get used to that. Widowed young, I found plenty to go in the week, catching up with friends or clubs, of a weekend I do the garden or take myself out for the day, quite enjoy myself, I do get lonely sometimes at times, but now I know those feelings will pass and are not the end of the world, there are so many on here will ill health who can't get out.