My husband is lying to me

Why do you say that it's not possible to cancel train tickets?
I myself have cancelled tickets for rail journeys, there is a charge if you want to change the date or sometimes get a full refund if you ask politely.

Many an impotant man will cheat ,in fact they are quite prone to it

I would check up, mine told lies for years and I just thought it was work until I found a hotel receipt for a Hotel for 2 when he was supposed to be at the other end of the country - then telling me I was imagining it.

My husband goes out all the time and I don't know exactly where he is going. He has a wide range of friends so his plans could change. I would telephone him if he was later back than normal. ( but even then I have to trust what he tells me. )

I just have to trust him and he has to trust me. We talk about what we have done in the day and if he told me a lie like you feel your husband has after checking my facts, I would take him to task and tell him I wanted to know what he is up to. He obviously isn't a good liar if he made the mistake over the football match.

As others have said your DH might be planning a surprise. My husband planned a big surprise for our Golden anniversary.

Does he have any money issues? Perhaps he couldn't afford to renew a season ticket and doesn't want to admit it? If the lies and temper tantrum are out of character I would keep my eyes open for anything out of the ordinary. Good luck.

I do so agree with Ginny, my entire family used to live life by the 'Lets keep quiet, bury our heads, problems disappear!' mentality, and all wondered why they either had affairs, got divorced, argued constantly, and made life hell. No-one would ever confront problems. I was very different. Probably TOO different, because the second I had a problem, I liked to go over it, talk about it until it was sorted, and my family could not deal with this at all.
However, I don't live with lies, mind games, being walked upon, I would gently sit him down and talk. He might not like it, but tough.
You are married, of course you don't need to know his every whereabouts as someone else posted, however, being lied to about where he's going is completely different.
Sending loads of love, hoping its all innocuous and innocent for you. x

My second husband, charming chap beloved by all our friends, but totally incapable of actually holding a conversation or telling me things (eg I will say have you spoken to your daughter, usual answer is no then several days later it will emerge he had a message - but as she rarely contacts him and it was a text message he doesn't count that "speaking"). He was taken to the cleaners by this first wife before I met him, so is uber cautious - he has nothing but a small pension. So rather than throw him out we've agreed separate lives and at 70 that suits - at least I'm not beating my head against brick wall. Maybe your husband now just feels that there's no need to tell you things and, rather like mine, isn't actually lying but isn't connecting the dots properly.

I agree with PaddyAnn. Why is he not allowed a private life? I would be very upset if my husband wanted to know about my every move and would be tempted to lie! Just because you are married (I was for 50 years) doesnt mean that you have to share everything, perhaps he is fed up with that arrangement.

My partner of 15 years started behaving oddly. Saying he was going to work/ was at his work (he worked away mon-Friday) but he wasn’t. I was convinced he was having an affair. Denied all wrongdoings. Professedhis love for me. Something just seemed very off. Sadly it turned out he has a rare dementia that affects the frontal part of the brain (as opposed to memory). Explains all the odd behaviour and random lies. Almost wish it had been an affair.

Simple. You need to talk and be honest with each other, trust is the most important thing in any relationship. Set time aside for a real heart to heart.

Difficult to comment when I don’t know the full history. I could never be with someone who I do not trust. Of course you are both entitled to your own space, however out of mutual respect and concern, most people just touch base and say where they’ll be in case they are needed in an emergency etc. Do you love him ? Do some soul searching and follow your instincts. If a man gets verbally aggressive every time you try to speak to him, he is inadvertently telling you that your feelings do not matter ... so that in itself seriously needs looking at. Good luck ....

Just ask what is bothering him. Say you are worried that he seems upset about football and can you help in any way!

I stupidly said I would have to find something to do this weekend as we normally spend it together. He blew up and said he would cancel it. I’m trying to avoid another nasty confrontation. Just wondering why he was lying- he could have gone anywhere if he’d said. As I say - I’ll get over it. Want a quiet life at my age!

I would check up on him.

Why don’t you just ask him ?
It doesn’t have to be confrontational. So many problems are caused or made worse because people don’t communicate.

It is the "not telling the truth" even if the truth is mundane that is unsettling in any relationship and also when the untruth is so blatent. Does he meet up with the same group of football pals? Maybe they had a bust up! However seems odd not just to say. My DH goes to footie regularly & as a season ticket holder can get away tickets etc more easily. Did your DH have a season ticket & forget to renew it? That might make access to away games trickier.

Well if you’re sure he’s not having an affair I think the poster who said could he be losing confidence has a point, or does he normally see friends at the football that weren’t going those weeks, maybe he’s disappointed in the team but doesn’t want to admit it, perhaps he’s gone off football, perhaps he’s not well
You ll never know if you don’t ask him You don’t have to ask in a confrontational way

I would also be suspicious in these circumstances. Have there been any other changes in behaviour, such as hiding his 'phone? Do you have access to his 'phone/email etc?
It doesn't sound like the most healthy of relationships if he lies to you about other things and you have also felt obliged to lie when you see your children and grandchildren to avoid his jealousy. Do you love him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

Lindill only you know the history of your relationship and why your husband's current odd and evasive behaviour is bothering you so much. As other posters have said, it is a common and sensible courtesy to let people know where you are going when you leave the house and roughly when you expect to return.

You could get a thousand views and speculations from other people about how to approach this situation but you really only have two options. Try to ignore or live with the behaviour or ask your husband what is going on and be prepared to deal with his answer - whatever it may be. It may be something quite innocuous or embarrassing or it may be something deeply hurtful.

Only you and your husband can have this conversation. It doesn't have to be an aggressive confrontation but it is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in the context of puzzling and changed behaviour. Not easy. Good luck.

I'm sorry but I dont see a need to keep tabs on my OH's every move .If you dont trust someone you shouldn't be with them.Trust is like pregnancy you cant be a bit pregnant and you cant trust someone 90% .Its all or nothing.My OH knows literally hundreds of folk,he often goes to buy milk and meets someone and comes back 2 hours later ...should I put a timer on him when he leaves the house or realise he'll likely be blethering to an old friend?

How odd......but if we look at it in a clinical way, there are clues that all is not as it seems.
You say he normally leaves any football match tickets lying around and yet he didn't the last time, or this time. Which makes me wonder, did he actually go to a match at all the last time.
And why the sudden cancellation of his plans for the "match" this weekend. Could be that someone else has cancelled an arrangement and he decided to make a stupid lie about cancelling the train and match tickets, when you know this is not possible.
Sorry, but I smell a rat!
If there is some subterfuge going on, he's not very good at it and if you set your mind to it, you could easily solve this problem of why he needs to lie.

There could be any number of explanations but if you think an affair is not an option could it be that he is starting to lose confidence in himself, not wanting to go to football anymore but not wanting to admit it?

Yes he’s not very straight with anyone but I’ve not pursued previous lapses . I’ve occasionally told a white lie about helping the children and grandchildren as they’re not his and he gets a bit jealous. Suppose I’m just a bit angry at being taken for a fool but no doubt I’ll get over it! And it’s also puzzling me!

Has he told you lies before? It does sound strange behaviour for no good reason.
I also like to know what time people are coming home, if they are having meals etc. That's common courtesy.
Is it totally out of character for him to do this?
Are you always straight with him?

Hmm. You don't suspect an affair so what do you think he might be up to? Does he use the internet? Could he have been chatting to someone online?