Nasty friends of friends

I also think that if your comment had been made by one of the other women with a partner attending, then his his reply would have been completely different. You in effect were vunerable being unaccompanied amongst all the others, and he used this to get away with being quite rude. If any of the other women had said this and the response from this man had been the same I don,t think it would have gone unchallenged.

Actually, if it was me (and I am a complete cow), when I met him again I'd say loudly, 'Oh yes. I remember you. You're the man who told me I was ugly when we last met.' It would be interesting to see his face at that.

I think you brought it on yourself to be honest .I notice its friends who aren't particularly good looking who are the first to label other people as "ugly " can I say that I have never in my entire life seen anyone who to me is ugly.Faces are all different some are more attractive than others but its a horrible thing to call anyone UGLY.Its something that irritates me beyond belief I'm with your friend of a friend on this ,is it something your friends are used to hearing you say? Maybe thats why nobody jumped to your defence .

Apricity - "never let him into your house or be alone with him."

What on earth are you implying??

Ugly belongs to ugly. It’s an unpleasant word!

I don’t think you brought the rude comment on yourself. Suspect alcohol and habit played equal parts. You won’t be the only person he has been rude to. I suspect if challenged he would pas it off as a joke. As others have said try every trick there is not to brood on this, the next time you see him take a deep, steadying breath and be icily polite. Don’t assume he’ll be rude again, should he be then if you can point out you find his comment unacceptable and turn and chat to someone else. Try to let it go now.

If I were you I would thank your friend for inviting you on that occasion, and say you really enjoy seeing her and appreciate her hospitality, really hope she will invite you again, but NEVER when that ghastly man is invited.

HurdyGurdy. I think Apricity possibly meant that if he could say something not very nice in front of others, then quite possibly could get really nasty when nobody's around. I've got a brother like that. That is why I have nothing to do with him.

You said someone was ugly, which isn't a good thing to say about anyone. Think it, don't say it, especially not in company.
He probably was pulling you up on that and giving the remark back to you. Not nice to be described so is it? Others there maybe didn't say anything because they felt as he did so didn't defend you.

paddyann
Faces are all different some are more attractive than others but its a horrible thing to call anyone UGLY.
I've never called anyone ugly but I was called it by this unpleasant bully that we know; it was not a tit for tat, it was supposed to be a hilarious joke.

Well, he’s a laugh a minute, Jalima.

Words fail me, but that face of mine would be telling him what I thought of his act.

Alex57currie, you are quite right. I did mean that bullies like this man are very good at using (and even creating) opportunities when someone is vulnerable to be nasty and derogatory - as he has already demonstrated. It's a power play.

Unfortunately not many of us have the quick wit and strong personality needed to be able to fire back a withering response in situations like this - except perhaps in hindsight.

Mae West would have had the worm squirming. Jaxie, maybe asking yourself "What would Mae say?" might help reduce the anxiety you feel about meeting this man again in a social situation. Laughing at a bully, even in your imagination or with supportive friends, can be a great circuit breaker in your thinking patterns. There are lots of Mae West quotes on the internet. At the very least you'll have some good laughs. ?

I agree with Paddyann. & Bluebirdwsm, it’s not very pleasant to describe anyone as ugly, perhaps this man hoped you would take heed from his response.

or maybe Jaxie just watch what you say in future .If you cant take it dont dish it out as my granny would have said .

I think the above two posts are very unfair. It is quite reasonable to describe someone not present in a measured and dispassionate way, as quite ugly. To turn round to someone present and tell them they are ugly is completely different.

I once worked with a man, who could only be described as 'quite ugly', but he was a very nice person and good company. To have turned to him and said 'You are ugly' would have been totally offensive.

Like so many words the emotional content and meaning of a word depends on the context and tone it is said in.

Really is it ?

Who decides what is considered ugly & what is not.?

Well, if I felt the need to 'tell someone off' for expressing an opinion about somebody none of us knew or had met, and who didn't know of our existence, then I would just say "that seems a bit mean".
Not be bloody hateful.

I don't think it is quite reasonable to describe someone as quite ugly, present or not.

So then there is absolutely no justifying what this man said.

Words fail me, but that face of mine would be telling him what I thought of his act.
I shall imagine you standing behind me with your 'resting bitch face' .

sorry, that was to Maggiemaybe!

Oh, it’s scary, Jamila!

Maybe she needed to hear how it sounds to call someone ugly so she wont say it again.Honestly I cant abide folk who have that superior attitude about looks.Most of us are just "normal" looking we all have the same requisite two eyes two ears a nose and a mouth and as long as they are roughly where they are meant to be on our faces thats fine by me .

paddyann the OP didn't criticise someone in the room, someone personally known to anyone in the room - it was a comment about an actor, just as some make comments about politicians.

Perhaps not acceptable but I think it's unforgiveable to call a woman ugly - particularly as they may well have two eyes, two ears, a nose and a mouth but be sensitive about their looks.