Nasty friends of friends

Very rude, but you should have agreed with him and laughed and said 'Yes you would know. ' The others there were probably embarrassed, perhaps because you looked stricken. Personally, wouldn't blank him that will show how he's upset you and my pride wouldn't allow him see that. Speak to him as you would anyone else. I presume you're not ugly anyway, few people are but everyone has their 'ugly' bits. Laugh it off, if he says anything like it again just say 'that wasn't very nice, was it' and laugh. Really don't take it to heart.

Horrible excuse for a man. Amazed none of the other people present took him to task, in my opinion they should have done and I would be very disappointed that they didn't. I should definitely ignore him in the future, he's not worthy of your attention.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dear Mr So and So,
When a remark about a public matter is made in private it is expected that it remain within the confines of the subject discussed. For example the discussion regarding the actor in the Winslow Boy at -name date and time of the social event.
Your retort to comment directly on my looks was both low mannered and rude. Perhaps in future you may prefer to wear very very dark sunglasses when you have to encounter me so you may not have to be affronted by what you find desperately unappealing.
Or perhaps you would prefer to cover this appalling social gaff by admitting to being drunk and thinking you were witty- which you were not- and apologise to me for your inappropriate remark so that out hosts are not ever embarrassed again.
Or perhaps you would like to buy me a balaclava?

Jaxie, I do not tolerate people like this and rising above just lets them get away with it. There are ways of being classy and letting people know they are out of line. I would send the above note and definately attend the next event with a balaclava and make him look a fool. And I can think of a few other ways of humiliating him as well which is what he did to you. Sorry to all those 'turn the other cheek people', but this was so very wrong and he was a guest in someone else's house as well.!

Btw I agree with gillybob, agreeing with him would have defused the situation and shown him up for the prat he is.

Well, you can't go back in time and change your reaction, but you can go forward now you've had time to think about it.

First off, I give people like this a very wide berth in the future. I don't want to meet them or mix with them again. I don't tolerate bad behaviour and if that person is not important to me, then neither is any of their opinions.

One thing I like to do with such people seeing them out and about is this: I look them in the eye first, then drop my eyes to their shoes and walk away. No words need to be said, it works every time and I don't care if it makes them feel uncomfortable.

What a rude g** ! I bet he's no oil painting himself! If you took him to task or mentioned it to your host, he'd only probably claim that he was only joking.
Should you be unlucky enough to be in his company again, just ignore him. Rudeness like this does not justify that any other conversation between the two of you is necessary at any point in the future whether in a group or on your own. Men like this hate being noticed and it might well prove to be fun to see him trying to crawl round you, which he will no doubt try to do - but stand firm, you are better than he is!

ignore him .he's not worth the effort...if he keeps on there is always sign language like two fingers.

Sorry HurdyGurdy, but I think you’re wrong to defend the behaviour of this man. The behaviour this person exhibited towards the OP was rude, hurtful, and totally disrespectful. It was unwarranted and out of order.
I’m so sorry you feel that you are not a pretty person, please try to remember that we are all beautiful in our own way. Attractiveness does not depend on our looks alone, it is far more complex than that. But the man who was rude to our OP deserves all the criticism he gets, IMHO.

A MN phrase springs to mind.
'Did you mean to be so rude?'
It works.....

Remind me again of the rules about calling someone ugly? OK about an actor who isn't there to defend himself, forbidden about someone who IS there? Perhaps he was making the point that it's not nice to call ANYONE ugly?

It works.....
not always because when I said that to someone I mentioned in a post above he looked surprised and asked what on earth I meant and started to get annoyed!

It seems it will be difficult for you to avoid this moron and so one way to deal with it is to simply say to him, quietly and calmly, whilst maintaining full eye contact - ‘ I was very hurt when you said I was ugly’. Say nothing else, do not explain, just keep quiet. He will either apologise or ignore you but if said firmly he will hear you and he will then be left feeling uncomfortable. It may be a good idea to practice either with someo else or with your own reflection in a mirror. Remember, the key is to remain calm, unemotional and quite firm. Good luck and do let us know how it works!

I'm not sure if you are advising me or the OP patticake but I will remember your advice and think 'moron, moron, moron' when I next see him, and think of Maggiemaybe standing behind me with her 'bitch face'



I feel better already

Many years ago I helped at an after school club. I sat with two young girls prob about 9 years old to play a card game. One of them said ‘ugly people aren’t allowed to play’. I was really upset. I know I’m no beauty and hate to see myself in a mirror. I hope the op doesn’t feel this way and can say to herself he was talking rubbish. Shame that the other guests let him away with it.

Calling someone ugly isn't nice Can't help what looks you are born with.

Ignore him totally you are so better than to drop to his level
You are not ugly never was never will be the man is an arse don’t give him the pleasure of being upset
Life is for living
Enjoyx

Don't ignore him. Just treat him as usual then he will not have the satisfaction of knowing his horrible remarks have upset you. I would be ultra polite. Being ultra polite is my way of being rude back to people but in a civilised way. This way you retain your dignity whilst he just looks like the rude boor that he is.

Jaxie's question was - how should she manage seeing this man again?
I think the person with the bigger problem is the awful man, if he remembers on sobering up what he said to her. Next time he sees Jaxie he's going to turn an interesting shade of scarlet as she cones up with Jane10's excellent response,

Had he had a glass too much wine perhaps and let his bullying manner out on you. No excuse for his behaviour. Don't let it simmer in you, just rise above it or else he will have achieved yet another bullying victim. He isnt worth a second thought.

I think anything said now runs the risk of starting it all off again. Best to just ignore the person & enjoy the others company.

I don't think he is a bully.

Jaxie I hope you've let this go now. Life's too short to fester over small things however upsetting they may seem at the time. There are many things in life far more important. Laughter is the best way to tackle it, and be the nicer person.

To call someone ugly, at a dinner party, is both unneccessary and very rude. As none of us except the OP was there we do not know the ' tone' or detail of the context.
I think describing an actor as 'ugly' as part of trying to help recall his name is excusable though perhaps a more descriptive phrase might have helped e.g " the man with the broken nose" etc.
The guest was out of order..but maybe known to be a bully so nobody dared confront him. You can ignore him and snub him but I guess ge will expect that. Might be more confusing if you greet him enthusiastically and say how much yoy enjoyed the robust discussions at xx dinner party! Also if he is a bully you show he has not beaten you!

Exactly,Pecs describing someone as ugly at a dinner party is unnecessary.
Describing anyone as ‘Ugly’ IS unnecessary, Jaxie was happy to do that.Perhaps she will now think twice before doing so again, just because the person she called ugly wasn’t physically there to hear it, it doesn’t make it right.
Get over it, learn from it. Think of the old saying ‘Ugly is as ugly does ‘ !