How to talk to oversensitive hubby about sex

OMG you did make we laugh!

Watch some films, and say, that could be a turn on, or that would turn me off. Without demanding it for yourself, or expect him to adopt it in his repitoir.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNU5KVa_Tu8

Show him this?

if I start taking my kit off at dinnertime DH will ask if I'm having a hot flush

I'd rock him out of his rut with a light but tasty meal then start getting your kit off after turning the main lights off and soft lamps only on.
Play with him a bit, kissing and touching, then make demands.
If he starts asking what it's all about, then you know it's a lost cause.
My OH wouldn't stop to clear the table...

If something’s been working for 30 years why on earth rock the boat and knock his confidence he ll think he’s been getting it wrong all these years such a small thing to get your knickers in a twist over

Check through all the valentine cards and presents in the various shops. You might find a collection of dice, cards, gifts that had statements on them that might serve as talking points.

Accentuate the positive - eliminate the negative

Show your pleasure when he does what you like, and "change the subject" when he does things that you you don't like

Say things like:
- "I really like it when you . . . . . . "
- "It gives me pleasure when you . . . . . "

Lead his hands, fingers and tongue to places that give you pleasure and tell him how much you like the good bits

When he misses the target, suggest "up a bit - down a bit" or "harder or softer" or "yes - more of that please"

Most of us react positively when we receive even the slightest hint of praise or positive reaction to what we do
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You have a good point Sharah....

Barmeyoldbat Why wait for him to opens his present.?

It sounds just like my late husband used to be.You won't change him

Why not write something down on a card, a feeling or something you would like to do or change and slip in in with his Christmas present. When he reads it just smile.

Take the initiative, show him what you want, express pleasure when he's doing what you do like, and offer to make love to him. Put his hands where you want them and whisper your appreciation in his ear. The more encouraging you are the better it will become.
I don't blame him not wanting to read that book I thought it was a load of crap and my ex had read it before I met him and I spent forever tell him to forget it, it certainly didn't apply to me so he should take note of me and my wants rather than some book or we'd be history. Which we are no anyway, he had quite ingrained ideas of how sex should be that pee'd me off no end as there was no deviation from the right way and he thought some of my ways were kinky, lol no one else has ever complained but each to their own.

I am finding it difficult to comprehend that you have been with someone for all this time and have sex but can’t talk about it! I am imagining it all happening in the dark under the duvet.

I couldnt do that. How can you go about your daily life and nothing is disuceesed about intimacy ..... then she. The lights are out, you do the deed and are not allowed to talk about what you want or need.

I would definitely keep going until you find a way to get your message across.

lovebeigecardigan1955. Then why talk ?.Actions speak louder than words so why can't those who have become dissatisfied with their partners 'techniques' dispense with words and concentrate on action . If I were presented with ' why don't you, or ' should do' would have been mortified. Surely a bit of imagination would not go amiss and it takes two.Certain' issues' can be the result of ones upbringing /religion /teaching which I am of the opinion would have surfaced in the early days of a relationship not after many years.We can also become ' too' comfortable in relationships never thinking our partner may not feel the same.

Agree with lovebeigecardigans this is a very tricky subject for a lot of men, particularly if they have spent the past thirty years or so assuming you are happy with what they have been doing/saying. Also I have found that a lot of men are just not as good at communicating with words, so love making can be an avenue for them to demonstrate their feelings without having to work out how to make them verbal, or even without having to understand their own feelings enough to verbalise them. I have been amazed sometimes when asking men what they are feeling right now, that quite a few dont actually know. I suppose it depends how much you are yearning for change as to whether you want to try and persist with this. I dont think change necessarily gets easier as you get older, particularly if, as is presumably the case with your hubbie, he personally is actually OK with the status quo.

My husband can only say things in a jokey way. i.e. he will say "get up those stairs now". I have said to him I wish he could suggest a cuddle rather than a blatant request for sex. I know he won't change. We've been together 44 years.

Have you thought that some men have been abused as young boys and have kept that secret. Lots of issues there and a need for sensitivity.

My ex also had a strict Catholic upbringing. Boarding school and taught by monks and although non practising since becoming an adult he never shook off that sex is sinful thing.
His way of dealing with it was to make a joke of it "fancy a shag?" being his way of broaching the subject.
Naturally that was a bit of a turn off, but It was so ingrained he couldn't change.
Just one reason he's now the ex although still a friend.

Even though understandably your husband felt upset about you wanting to read the Men are from Mars book I bet he'd really like to find out whats in it.

Is there a way you could not mention it again but leave it lying around {for example in the bathroom} where he might just pick it up and read a bit - especially if you fold over the corners of significant pages.

A change by stealth approach!

This is very tricky - I feel it's almost impossible to talk to men about their love making techniques without them feeling that you are criticising them in some way. I think it strikes at their very being and causes huge hurt. Tread very carefully indeed or you will destroy his confidence.

he can do different moods, he just can't talk about them
The strong, silent type?

As Luckygirl says maybe actions speak louder than words.

hdh74 Do you need words ? Not wishing to be personal do you ever 'initiate' or wait for H to make the first move ?Think back to your 'first experience with H did you need to ''communicate'' have words then.? The bedroom is for many the 'usual' place for intimacy but can in time become a 'wake me when its over '.Unless there are others around why wait for the bedroom ? You can of course obtain professional advice and it HAS, for starters , to be on your own .Nothing worse than making another feel inadequate. Don't give up hope.

* wordy, not worry.

I've always been pretty 'worry and my ex, also being from the North, was on the same wavelength, so we never had any problems with vocalising our wishes in terms acceptable to both of us.
My current OH (who does not live with me) is 23 years younger and has no inhibitions about the language of 'love' or problems accepting that there are certain things that I will never consider, such as only food, drink and toothbrushes going in a certain place and although Hollywood is out, Brazilian is ok.