Mean Daughter-in-law

Jalima1108,

As long as I live and am able she certainly will have me to come too.

Blessings

Perhaps I shouldn't have said about our neighbour's DD - I am sure your DGD will have you to turn to.
In fact, I'm sure that the neighbour's DD was fine in the end; her father was too cowed to stand up for her.

Jalima1108,

I totally agree with you . I do believe she would make things worse for my sweet Gd... Thank you so much for responding.

Yes, I think you will have to grit your teeth and maintain a civil relationship with your DIL or else it could be worse for your DGD.

Hello, My son has custody of my gd. She lives with him and her stepmom full-time.
The way she is treating your DGD is worrying.

We had a family living near us years ago (all the children were of the same parents) but for some reason the girl was treated differently to the boys - very badly in fact, and at 16 she ran away from home and never came back.

I hope you can maintain a good relationship with your DGD (as well as your DGS) and that she knows she can come to you if she needs to Faye.
Poor girl, I feel sorry for her, none of this is her doing, it is the adults in her life who have caused the problems and she is being used as a scapegoat.

I am sorry Nannyshell59. People like that are so selfish. They really don’t care about the children or they would not behave that way. I believe children have a right to see grandparents unless of course they are being abused by them in some way.

I believe keeping a child from a loving grandparent is actually a form of emotional abuse.

My best to you

GrandmaFaye, you are so right and you are most definitely not a coward. But if you do say anything, she will almost certainly keep your grandchild from you. This has happened to me. I challenged my daughter-in-law about something awful that she said to my granddaughter and she has kept her and her siblings from me and hasn't spoken to me herself, since. The marriage has since broken up, but my son is just being weak and doing nothing to resolve the situation. I have written to her, text, emailed, asking her to consider the effect on the children, all to no avail. It is very cruel and I am heartbroken by it.

Count me in in the mil support group.

You do make a good point and I do understand what you are saying. She is a bully. She is a poor excuse for a human being as far as I am concerned. She tries to control everyone she comes in contact with. Her behavior is WRONG!

However, I think the general consensus is that she will keep my grandchildren from me if I say anything (and she will because she has done it before). I am far from being a coward.

When my grandchildren are old enough to make the decision themselves as to if they want to have me in their life I can promise that this behavior will no longer be tolerated from her.

What worries me is most of the replies here seem to endorse this DiL's behaviour as a kind of 'status quo'... it's how women are... there's nothing to be done about it etc, as if ultimately women have the right to behave like this as a last (and sometimes first?) resort. ...And of course we all know there's no point in challenging it...Why not? Because you know it works? Is there pethaps a tacit concensus that since this is women's only (?) power it's sacrosanct? (and by implication it's up to us to make sure she doesn't use it and it's our fault if she does?)

Oh dear. The DiL's behaviour
is BULLYING. Passive aggressive bullying. And that's not to be challenged ? Why not?

Everyone cautions 'you'll only make it worse'. We've got to be frightened the bully will up their game.

Unless of course the bully is stood up to. In which case:

~ the grandchildren will be protected from it
~ the bully herself will feel better because the worst of her will have been contained - how do we think she feels flailing around in her malevolent insecurity? - and therefore
~ everybody would feel safer.

Otherwise you're modelling cowardice.

Hello, My son has custody of my gd. She lives with him and her stepmom full-time.

As the little girl is only 11 years old I'm presuming your son sees her, and she goes to his house. I wouldn't say anything for the time being, but hold onto the texts...just in case the situation becomes worse and you do have to involve your son. Your grandchildren and you seeing them is the most important thing x

I pray as soon as my gd is old enough to make her own decisions she will indeed decide to live with me. I will do the very best I can to care for her and try to make up for all the junk she has been exposed to.

I would appreciate a MIL support group too! I picked up a tad of resentment since the day DIL met my son. There is no competition in my eyes, we just both love my eldest son and I was so happy he had found the right one for him.

Over the years she has managed to squeeze me out of the family and now has my son to herself who doesn't like the situation, says he knows why she is like she is and wants a quiet life. I've been supportive to her, not interfered but helped all I can with the GS's...only when called for.

However she has a bad relationship with her mother, her father lives a long way away with his new wife, she falls out with her sister regularly, always takes the mick out of my other son [who has done nothing] and is jealous of my other DIL who is great [has no issues].

So I think it's in her personality, she feels the world is against her. It isn't, but she pushes people away. And has been very hurtful to me. I'm waiting for an apology which will not happen, as she has made clear.

I would agree with other posters that in this situation to keep quiet, love your GD as much as you can, keep texts for future reference and not bite when provoked. I hope it works out. GD has a mind of her own and may very well end up living with you OP when she is older. I've heard of many situations where this is the outcome.

Sorry to hear about your son Sheilasue

Good idea !

A mil support group is a great idea !

Hi there I have a narcissist for an ex daughter in law , we had 19 years of hell 2 granddaughters who my son and I raised as she was living the single life .my advice is don't lower yourself to her level . Do what's right for the children . This is very hard . If you say anything it will always be misconstrued . I think we should start a mother in law support group

Sheliasue,
I am so very sorry you lost your son. That is so heartbreaking.
I agree that we reap what we sew and this will come back to haunt her one day

I am more concerned about my granddaughter

She wants you to react and lose your patience she will then show your son some of the texts and make it look like it’s your fault.
I know my late sons partner was evil and cruel and wicked and in the and killed my son (domestic abuse) she thought she was clever but she didn’t get away with anything in the end. I believe in karma what goes around comes around.

I would be more concerned about how she is towards your granddaughter rather than the texts.

You are certainly right. She needs all the love she can get. She is a beautiful child with the heart to match

Petersgirl2, Bless you ! Thank you so much for the response. It means so much to me to read a post from someone who “survived” this as a child.

I plan to do everything I can to remain close to my gd and let her know that I cherish her.

Give your GD a BIG cuddle. As a family, we are not big cuddlers, (perhaps it's a culture thing as well) but when I see someone needs it, I rush to give them a warm hug and a cuddle. Right now, your lovely little GD needs plenty of them......give her all the love you can. ?