Gransnet forums

Relationships

Should we believe him?

(34 Posts)
NannaComic Mon 12-Nov-18 19:33:48

Thank you ladies. Yes Silverlining48 GS did tell SIL who repeated the scenario with DD but said he (SIL) was not there so couldn't confirm. DGS visits he dad every other weekend Bluebelle. He really loves his Dad but at times has been reluctant to go. Good points Newmom101 will take that on board. The nail incident happened when he first went there so nothing was said...

TwiceAsNice Mon 12-Nov-18 18:10:00

Definitely believe him and speak to his dad. He is not speaking in vague terms he is being very specific. Children should always be believed in these circumstances unless you have absolute proof it is NOT happening.

FlexibleFriend Mon 12-Nov-18 18:05:53

If she's really sunk her nails into his head he'd have marks on his scalp, did no one check?

Newmom101 Mon 12-Nov-18 17:57:06

It's a tricky situation as you have no proof either way. However, if I were your DD in this scenario I would be requesting to my ex that DGS and Wendy were not left alone together, to ensure that there is no chance for these situations to occur. I would also be telling DGS that if anything happens again he is to immediately report it to his father. As well as that, I would be providing him with a cheap mobile phone to contact your DD if something does occur and he wants to go home, as you cannot guarantee his father will keep an eye.

It's far better to be cautious and over the top, than risk a child being abused, which (if this is true) is exactly what she is doing. Sadly there have been lots of occasions where people assume a child is making it up and when the person accused is a woman people are far less likely to believe the child.

Does he seem reluctant to go to his dads?

MissAdventure Mon 12-Nov-18 17:28:02

Surely the best thing to do would be to go and speak to Wendy?
If, as it should be, everyone is concerned with your grandsons wellbeing, then they should be able to have an uncomfortable but civil conversation, and sort out what is going on.

BlueBelle Mon 12-Nov-18 17:24:50

Does your grandson live with his father and ‘Wendy’ ? If so then I think his dad needs to know as it may escalate or does he just visit ?

gmelon Mon 12-Nov-18 17:11:04

Could you encourage your grandson to tell his Dad while you are there to support.

silverlining48 Mon 12-Nov-18 17:07:48

Difficult but in my opinion your dd should say something to the father about what your gs sAid. If this is going on it needs to be stopped. If nothing is done then your gs will not feel able to tell if anything else happens, what’s more, he will feel let down by all the adults in. His life.
I said something once, it wasn’t mentioned or followed up,more is the pity.

NannaComic Mon 12-Nov-18 16:34:28

I wonder if you ladies could give some advice please. Basically my DD and SIL parted around three years ago and SIL moved in with another woman. This woman "Wendy" has two sons and DD and SIL have one son the same age as Wendy's. Over the past couple of years GS has mentioned Wendy has not been very nice to him by making scathing remarks when SIL is not around and being mentally cruel by saying things like "Your Dad doesn't love you, you know". Then a few months ago Wendy was drying GS hair and sunk her nails into his head. He came back and recited this to DD and, to test him (as he has in the past been prone to exaggerating) DD said "I bet she smacks you too doesn't she" to which GS said "Oh no Mummy she doesn't smack me but she really hurt my head". Which to me implies that he was telling the truth in the first instance.

So, when he was dropped home this weekend SIL said to DD that GS has said to him that Wendy had pushed him in the leg with her foot. No marks were there and SIL was not sure if Wendy had done this or if GS was telling fibs (he is 8 years old). So now my DD is in a quandary. If she does nothing will GS feel betrayed and feels that no-one believes or supports him, or confronts Wendy (who would probably deny it anyway) and cause a problem with SIL and also would Wendy take it out even more on GS. Any ideas on how to deal with this please ladies?