Parallel to “Mean daughter in law”

In my view and as other posters have said, respect is something that is earned not assumed as your due because of age, social position, gender, wealth or who your grandfather/grandmother was or wasn't. The common courtesies of daily life are not the same as respect. A person who is bigoted, nasty or angry can still be accorded common courtesy but is not likely to be respected. On the whole (and I do know there are some terrible exceptions) I believe that the world mirrors back to us the way we treat others. As the old saying goes, smile and the world smiles with you. ?

I think there's respect and there's respect.

There's "respect" as in "simple decency". Namely, that you treat people with courtesy and good manners. That you owe to everyone. Adults should show this type of respect even to children. It's not reasonable to expect that your children will have good manners and show courtesy if you don't model that behaviour for them.

Then there's "respect" as in "respect for authority". That has to be earned.

Just because Mum raised x number of children, and they turned out okay, doesn't mean that Mum is an expert. (In fact it is quite possible that the children turned out okay IN SPITE of Mum, rather than because of her, in some situations!) Moreover, Mum isn't an expert on THIS new baby. As we learn better, we know more. CPR guidelines have changed since I first became a nurse, for example. Does that mean we didn't save anyone with the old guidelines? Of course we did save people - but now that we know more, we do better and can save more, with better outcomes.

I think what it is is that people are willing to put up with a lot less than they were in the past. Sadly, I have heard people say, "Well, MY MIL was an absolute cow but I tolerated her for the sake of the children." Well, good for you. But that doesn't mean that you get the right to be an absolute cow to ME and expect ME to put up with it.

I always understood that respect was earned, not expected or demanded.

If you treat your family considerately and assume that they will do the same to you, you will probably get respect.

If you demand "respect" from them you may end up getting outward politeness while inwardly they fear and hate you.

I think it's quite ageing to have the opinion that younger people should respect their elders. I consider myself to be a reasonably 'young' 65 year old and nothing gets my hackles up more than a 'youngster' calling me 'dear'! Happy enough to be called 'love' (very northern!) but dear is instantly ageing, and I don't think at all respectful. Maybe I'm just struggling with being old!!!

Good Lord, 60 you sound twice that age, with views to match.

It is true that respect is not a right, but I think you do have to respect the relationship between people. Parents have to repeat the fact that a couple need their own space and make their own decisions about raising the children. However, I found my ex DIL didn't seem to respect DS's having family relationships, but rather hated it, and eventually hated him for it, despite him living a long way away from all family, and us never imposing.

Always respect and receive respect from all my family, my sister's family and local friends. Who are we to disrespect anyone?

If you treat your family considerately and assume that they will do the same to you, you will probably get respect.

If you demand "respect" from them you may end up getting outward politeness while inwardly they fear and hate you
Agree
I dont think that in the good ol days children did respect their elders.
I think they OBEYED them. But respect is about how you FEEL about a person and that cant be forced or easily regained once its gone south

I do feel that as a nation we have somehow lost the reserve that used to be part of everyday life, perhaps that is part of respect. The fast pace of news and social media portrays people frequently in a way that gives no respect for people, and makes others feel isolated. On a one to one basis people are still caring and thoughtful, it is so easy to believe what you read constantly, but that does not make it true.

Well, I am 68 and it was ingrained in me to Respect your elders.

I am with Chewbacca in that I have always considered respect to be something that is earned. I also think there is distinction to be made between respecting somebody and speaking to or treating somebody respectfully i.e.. politely, and that should always be done whether they are someone who has earned your respect or not.

Firstly, to address us as 'you guys' is disrespectful.
I do think that respect is fast disappearing. Some parents are guilty of not encouraging their children to show respect and good manners even allowing their children to call them by name.
Respect can be shown in the way people dress for a particular occasion (if possible) not just manners or the spoken word.
I'm not a lover of street slang or disrespectful 'bants' or, for that matter, children dictating what they will and won't do.
Respect? Most under 30s think it's a fist bump or a gesture associated with Sacha Baron Cohen as Ali G.

I think that affectionate names are always lovely. The lad in our local open-all-hours shop calls me madam, which I loathed because it made me feel old-ladyish until my daughter (half my age) told me that's what he called her.
And I still remember the Scottish dad who called me 'hen' at a parent-teacher meeting when I taught on the south coast. It was delightful.
Respect comes with all sorts of names.

GabriellaG,

“You guys” is an American term and I am sorry you find that disrespectful as none is intended.

I am reading comments here that I have to look up some of the wording because I am not familiar with the verbage but I certainly don’t consider it disrespectful.

On top of being an American I am also a Southerner. I am proud of my Heritage and upbringing as I am sure you are

I don’t believe respect should be upwards to old age only...all folk deserve to be treated with respect until they show they’re not worthy of it! Schools don’t help in this...three days a week I drop my 6 year old granddaughter off at classroom door... the teacher or LSA stand at the door and make a point off saying “good morning” to every child. This is good , but my granddaughter can be a little mare sometimes , and determines to ‘dig her heels in’ and keeps her head down and tries to slope past without answering’ I won’t have this and insist she comes back and speaks respect tfully to whomever wished her ‘good morning’. She resents what she says is me showing her up ! The adult involved be it teacher or LSA should think like me but invariably they say “ oh don’t fuss, perhaps she’s not feeling very friendly today”!!! I’m often flabbergasted by the lack respect shown by young children to thier adults and also by adults making eexcuses for these little ‘darlings’. I always insisted my children answered people when spoken to...and try to instil the same in grandchildren, but when you have authority figures like teachers undermining you on an almost daily basis it’s very frustrating. Manners DO make th the man..and the woman!

You have to earn respect.

I've never expected to be respected simply because of my age. I have always got along fine with my children and their partners and children. If I disagree with something they are doing I tend to hold my tongue. Life is too short for disagreements in my book.

Manners have changed in our lifetime, certainly, but in many ways we have only ourselves to blame. After all, we brought up our children, didn't we?

Somewhere along the line most of us gave up the attempt to combat bad language (swearing), lack of thank you notes, willingness to offer to help others, and all the many other things we complain are missing now.

If we had complained in the 1970' s or '80's when BBC, ITV and newspapers began allowing words, like "fuck" or "shit" being used in public or told other peoples' children to behave themselves, things would probably be different.

I was taught that respect has to be earned, although admittedly my parents and grandparents believed that they and most other adults had earned it. However, I do not remember any of them not treating us children with kindness and respect.

I always think that you should respect your elders unless they give you a reason not to.

GranVee I agree with you. That is the way I was taught by my parents.

My family don’t disrespect me but don’t see eye to eye on everything.
My own mother said respect was earned and not just given

I agree madmum38. Respect is earned . It is not a right for anyone. If you don't respect your DIL why should she respect you. Age does not mean anything except a number.

Newmom101 and others are right. Respect from others is something we acquire because of how we behave, not age.
I’d hate to think that people respect me simply for not having died!

I think people's views on respect have changed.

It's no longer something that is a given based on age or seniority. It is something that is earned. My mum always said to me that if you want people to respect you, then you have to show them respect.

I don't care if you're 36, 60 or 100, if you're not respectful to others, then why should they treat you with respect just because "they're your elders"?

My paternal grandmother would demand respect, but respected no one in return, the results? 5 years now of no contact as the influence that could have had on my daughter was not worth it.