Thanks.To clarify regarding her MIL I have taken a huge step back ,believe me.I have listened but not told her what to do other than even if they can't have a good relationship MIL is also a grandma and it would be sad for her not to have time with the little one.I read of the sorrow of estranged grandparents and feel I'm not the only,or most important grandma despite their differences.And it was her that raised the issue of counselling and I just gently asked if it was still being considered.
But every little thing seems to cause irritation,only the other day she wanted me to go for a dog walk with her and as we parked up I asked really nicely if she wanted me to move her big handbag from the footwell to behind the seats as she was unstrapping DGD and I got my head bitten off. I spent the walk wishing I had never gone,close to tears.
I give up for now in that I need a lot if space from her. I really do.And if that's makes me a bad mother so be it.This has gone on even before she became a mum. And of course I won't withdraw completely,or not help with grandchildren but I do deserve respect.And yes I agree each situation is different,and just because I coped,my DH was consistently helpful and my MIL was lovely.But her sister also gets the hot and cold treatment recently,asked to have the little one only recently for 24 hoursin an emergency,then messages ignored and unanswered because she doesn't feel like talking to anyone and it is 'annoying'.
I sound unsympathetic, but honestly today I just needed to vent.