Help please, husband problems

See a solicitor and get the facts then when your husband is sober just come out with the statement you are divorcing him. I would even suggest getting the locks on the doors changed so he can rant and rave outside and possibly get arrested! Be strong

I would like to thank everyone for your advise and support it has been a great help.I intend to firstly make a 30 minute free advise then proceed from there ..wish me luck for tonight i can't believe what I have put up with all these years

peace of mind

Yes I must agree with dbDB77 peace of mind is worth more than money. I had a friend who lived in a controlled marriage she even had to ask for money to buy a pair of tights. I encouraged and supported her and she eventually left, he wouldn't agree to a divorce. She always said you can't put a price on peace of mind.

Pudding My father was a drinker and I well remember as a child dreading Friday and Saturday nights and Sunday lunchtimes when he would return from the pub. You are wise to see a solicitor to be clear on the best way to proceed. Good luck

In order to make best use of the time, I recommend you do some reading first, and write down some specific questions. Don’t be afraid to take notes on the answers.

mine went off the rails when he retired, pub every day staying out longer each time till one day he came in with the usual bunch of boozy flowers and i was so mad i threw them at him, ranted for half hour and didnt talk to him for 3 days, he doesnt do it now

See a lawyer pronto.

The starting point and in a long marriage like yours will be a 50/50 split. I would try to resolve it amicably in order to keep lawyers' fees to a minimum. Will there be sufficient equity for you both to have a property? If funds are tight it will not be easy but worth it for peace of mind and freedom. Check if your household insurance policy covers any legal costs.

Sounds horrendous definitely a good lawyer!!!
I've heard that many men change completely once retired

I think we should get a auto divorce on their retirement ?

Good luck tonight pudding. Perhaps half a house is better than being on edge and unhappy.
You have clearly got great coping skills. Don’t underestimate your merits. If you want this, you can and will make life outside your marriage work, even if finances are tighter.
I hope you have family/good friends who will support you over the transition if you do decide to go ahead. And if you decide to stay, search out support from alanon or similar and come clean with family. You could do with support either way, it seems, as the status quo is not acceptable and it appears this has been building up for a while.

It’s not really about the money is it? It’s your future happinesss that’s most important. Leave solicitor to deal with the money side and concentrate on what you want from your new life. Best wishes, because it’s going to be hard even if you want this break.

See a good solicitor one that deals with matrimonial the one I chose was not a great one I just went to the first one I came to on high street big mistake. It took years to sort out but eventually he sold the house and I was given what I thought was a fair share I now realize I could have got more but I have no intention of going back to the courts.After 27 years it is sometimes lonely but not dreading hearing his key in the door makes it all worth it is not too late to move on

Is he ok when sober?

Pudding123 What led you to stay in this marriage for ' almost' 37 years? You are it appears, and have from day one been financially secure without the need for husbands contributions. So what kept you there.? I am no MGC but I do not believe you are looking for help in that area so I advise you get yourself professional financial advice and take it from there. You have many years ahead of you so enjoy them with out the burden that is in your life at the moment..

If you go for separation rather than divorce, after two years you can "do" your own divorce for a nominal sum. This is what I did. Our financial arrangements were pretty much as you describe, and of course a settlement had to be made. I kept the house and gave him money, but I felt in a stronger position than if I had gone with a lawyer. It seemed to me to be less acrimonious, Good luck

I also did a divorce without a solicitor. I did have a free half hour with a solicitor who told me it would be a 50/50 split because the children were grown up. I told him it was in both our interests to sort it out between us rather than pay a fortune to solicitors.

I had used an inheritance to help pay for the house so lost half of this.

It was fine. I had enough to buy a small house and was working for a bank so managed to get a small mortgage quite easily. I was happy in my little house.

I met my second husband by accident (the last thing I wanted was another man) and have we had our 25th wedding anniversary.

Good Luck,Pudding 123.
I know how you feel.
I literally walked out of my home after 37 years of marriage though in fairness I did have somewhere to go.
I have never regretted it.
I was told by my Solicitor that I could claim half of everything but I didn't.
Presumably this means that your husband could do the same ,so please see a Solicitor as others have said .
My very best wishes to you.
You are doing the right thing.

Mine was more than this - but nowhere near 3000.
Please note - I know nothing about this company and have not read what other costs are involved!!!!
Beware!

www.perfectprofilesclinics.co.uk/how-much-do-dental-implants-cost/

Sorry!
Wrong thread- can’t delete it

Pudding, I may be reading too much into what you say, but my impression is that your husband is an alcoholic and has been one for years.

If that is the case he is not likely to change now, and certainly will only do so if he really wants to stop drinking. In that case he will need a lot of support.

Nothing you say suggests to me that he wants to change his behaviour, nor do I feel that you think your marriage is worth trying to save.

Can you prove that it was your earnings that paid off the mortgage? You don't mention whether you have joint accounts or separate accounts.

If I am reading your post aright and that your husband drinks, has no intention of trying to change that and that you feel your marriage is over, then my advice would be to work out what divorcing him will cost you. Even if you have to divide your savings, sell the house and divide the proceeds, if what is left is enough to live on, then I would say, get out, sooner than later.

There is only a year to go before you get your state pension and presumably if you are really badly off after a divorce there is some kind of social security to tide you over until you get your pension. Have you spoken to Citizens' Advice? If not, it might be worth a try.

Go and get sound legal advise. I suppose it's easy to say don't think about the finacial side of it, but don't. Nothing, not even money compensates for peace of mind. Whatever you decide my best wishes go with you.

Speak with attorney first. Everyone has given great advice. I might suggest moving your money, putting him out, but just not getting divorced. You won’t have to split your money nor financially support him anymore. Leave him out there to flounder.

If you are sole owner, is it feasible to put your house in your daughter's name? There are also creative ways to safeguard your most important assets, namely the house, your savings and your valuables. People often invest in collectible assets (i.e. fine art, jewelry) because such items are more easily placed out of legal reach when claims arise.

You may also want to talk to a financial adviser as well as a solicitor. You'll likely have to bide your time and wait out the 'look back' period of one year, but the sooner you make these changes, the sooner you can move forward. One or two years is not a long time but things can only get worse and by then you will be ready.

I think you would have to tread very carefully with the idea of moving money around.
There has recently been some cases of people being in trouble, legally, for hiding assets.