MIL/IL threads etc.

Izabella. So very true! We are so blessed with so much! It really is well worth counting our blessings!
I do know that "everyday hassles" can be very bad stressors. The Psychology research reveals as much. The stressors on life here in the West are often performance oriented and often under time-pressure. It's a kind of social pressure, trying to meet the expectation of others. To live under the threat of war, of famine, death, no medicines or medical aid, such conditions are almost unimaginable for us. But it does not hurt to be grateful for the ordinary things which we take for granted.

I was taught to be grateful years ago when I went to a lecture by a modern Prophet. He said it was like a secret of life! In those days we still paid our bills with cheques. He told us, when you pay your electricity bill, write on your cheque, "Thank you for my electricity. I have really enjoyed using it."

I totally agree Izabella

Agree with both of you Nonnie and seadragon!!

It does sometimes seem like the postbag of an agony aunt.

Replies, not relies.

I think there is a snowball effect in action here. Because there are posts about family conflicts and relies with advice and support, people who are experiencing problems (or feel that they are - sometimes the problem is mostly in the mind of the poster) read about the troubles of others and regard GN as a place to vent about their own lives.

I think Izabella is saying what many (including me) feel. However I also have to say that there are many threads I find difficult to believe are genuine and I wonder if they are made up just to provoke a response. I simply stop reading and give Gransnet a break but, sad to say, when I decide to dip back in again it seems nothing has changed. If all the self-pitying and/or sanctimonious posts are real then I pity those sorry folk and I'll take another holiday from the site...

Someone once suggested that we write down as many good things as possible that happen to us every day. At the end of a week, you will have a list. When you read it back, you will see how blessed you really are.

Similarly, when we see all the misery in the world, we can see how fortunate we are by comparison. I think that's what Izabella is saying. Either way, these little exercises can help us to view our own troubles with a different lens.

There does seem to be an increasing number of posts about these specific issues! Some sound more plausible than others. I am not a fan of the father of 2 of my dgc but I will maintain as positive a relationship with him for the sake of a) the childen & b) my own peace of mind

Although we meet a variety of people in 'real life' but they are not as rude and outspoken as on here. Some of the nasty comments would never be said face to face.

If you have a problem which others may think is insignificant please don't be put of posting by the nastiness r this thread. You will find kindness and sensitivity as well as the posts from people who get a kick out of being unpleasant.

Good grief! What has got into folk? I've yet to discover how to keep track of discussions I have engaged in so that I can actually see how my replies have been received. Don't think I'll bother trying now. There's forthright and there is kicking people when they are down. I have had to be pretty tough throughout my life but I would never kick someone (metaphorically) who posts about how hurt they feel. I have seen several civilized thoughtful and compassionate discussions on Gransnet but this one and another, both arrived today have contained some shocking comments...

The people in 'real' life you've met... present or past, some you will have liked, some you will have loathed....

Well it's the same with GN.

There are gentle people, feisty people, kind people, downright nasty people, clever, wise (there is a difference). People from all walks of life and circumstances.

Personally, and I've said this before years ago on GN, I like that people speak their minds, even if I disagree with what they say. We are fast becoming a world where 'freedom of speech' is frowned upon.

I don't want a 'stepford' GN.

I like to have my 'views' assaulted and questioned from time to time.

Downright bullying though I DO frown upon.

Izabella, thanks for your OP. Not being one to bare my soul on line, I was pleased to find some of my opinions shared. I hope you have a wonderful trip - think you mentioned NZ which is a never-ending source of new experiences. Bay of Islands is probably one of my favourite places ever.
Bon voyage!

Some don't seem to be able to be honest without being downright rude. Imo that is much, much worse than posting about something others consider trivial. Why say anything if you can't be constructive, what do they get from being nasty? I've disagreed with people without resorting to horrible words.

I agree with your 14.33 post breeze its all relative isn't it. Some people get caught up in their problems and can't see the wider picture. It's helpful when others can see this and offer advice. There have been a lot of in law and adult children issues lately.
Good luck with your travels Izabelle

I don't think the reason you don't have friends right now MissA is anything to do with how forthright and honest you are. It's because of circumstances beyond your control that you've dealt with incredibly and admirably.

Carry on being honest and as you rightly say, it doesn't mean having to be rude. You deserve friends.

I would always say exactly what I think, just the same as I would with friends.
Which is probably why I don't have any friends, now I come to think of it...
Being honest doesn't ever have to mean being rude.

Personally I have mixed feelings about asking for advice on personal/family problems on any open forum. I mean open for all the public to see, and free for the papers to quote from.
I would never do it (though I have once in the past) but I can see that it helps many people. There has been much good advice given on here.
We should remember to try to judge favourably.

As one of my friends once said 'If you have no problems, a spot on your nose is a problem'.

It's very true.

There are, at times, some silly, petulant problems on GN. Other times, heartrending issues that have reduced me to tears.

But, this has always gone on. Over the garden fence, in the neighbours kitchen. Problems discussed. Now we have sites such as GN, all the people who want to offload will. Even if it's a spot on their nose. It takes all sorts.

It's not a bad thing and if you see a thread you do not like or do not want to get involved in, don't.

I think it would be surprising if everyone agreed with the views of every poster.
Some disagree violently, (metaphorically speaking) some more kindly, but I have seen people have a total change of heart once they've taken into account everyone else's take on their issue.
It takes all sorts...

You too gonegirl ;-)

I couldn’t agree more Op frankly I’m not surprised that some daughter-in-laws don’t really want the mother in laws around or to help out. I often want to say something about these posts but don’t want to upset the poster. I personally think, grow up, stop acting as it’s your given rights to be included, and if you carry on acting like this, then don’t come running to gransnet when your daughter in law (who is probably a lovely person) stops you from seeing your grandchildren because you are vindictive and jealous.

Thought namsnanny made a good post there. ?

Sorry bluebell!!! Was I a bit rich for your blood :-) ?
Don’t think is so “random “ though if you mean not relevant to the op.
Surely it’s all a matter of choice what I/you moan about and not for others to ridicule?
As a rule I try not to comment negatively when ever possible o threads I don’t ageee with...
I would rather spend my time supporting those whom I understand than causing strife for those I don’t!!!
If I’m mistaken and I’m in need of taking the plank out of my own eye maybe you can show me, but I think my original point is valid...that being in simple terms this is a case of op being unable to see she is just the same as the people she is grumbling about.
Although on reflection her behaviour is worse as she is metaphorically lobbing a hand granade and running off into the safety of the wide blue yonder leaving others picking over the pieces!!
Anyway didn’t mean to shock you, :-) just thought it was underhand

I agree with Madgran77

I am very sad about this thread. I suspect it will result in some feeling they can't discuss their issues on here. Just because a problem may seem insignificant to some it doesn't mean the poster is wrong. I feel far more strongly about some of the responses than about the posts. There are ways to suggest answers without being downright nasty. Why on earth respond to a thread if you can't say something constructive? Do you get something out of Hurting another? Some of the things posted by young mothers are positively cruel and make me wonder what they get out of being on an older persons' forum. GN has taught me just how nasty some people can be.