Love?

Love is a decision. It doesn't "just happen". I always say love is what takes over when the romance goes away. My aunt had a blog and she spoke about one night when the kids got sick with a stomach bug. They had 6 kids and I think 3 or 4 got sick - then my uncle got sick. Yikes. I'm sure she wasn't feeling any romance when she had to put him to bed with a bucket after they had just changed several pairs of sheets and maybe even cleaned floors. But love is what takes over at that point.

Now, I've only been married for 7, almost 8, years, but I think the best advice we ever got was that marriage is a verb, not a noun. A marriage needs constant work to keep it going. My parents would periodically go on trips, about once a year or so, just the two of them. They'd leave us with friends. I feel this strengthened their marriage. They've been married for almost 37 years. Hubby's dad didn't put much work into his marriage to Hubby's mum, and that marriage only lasted about 17 years - and probably much of it lasting was to do with MIL's temperament and the fact that they had young kids. (MIL is lovely. FIL is Granddad Who We Don't See - with good reason.)

That's lovely paddyann. I agree with your mother.

AgeisbutaNumber
Yes I am sure you did and love comes in different forms .There are the kind you have for your children your parents and siblings That kind of love hardly changes unless those you loved in this way have acted in a manner that finds you can no longer have any feelings for let alone love them .
Then there is love for a husband /partner.
Without going into detail and in the early stages of this relationship that kind of love does not always remain the same kind of love in later years It may be a simple case of familiarity or that person has upset you in some way but you can forgive but not forget
So yes you can fall/ run out of initial love but still have affection for that person.

I too have been married for 47 years,happy until after husband had an affair and I realised how selfish he was,ticking along for the sake of the family but not at all happy,find more pleasure these days spending time with friends doing things that please me

RosieLeah, it's not if your mum has narcissistic personality disorder!

PaddyAnn, we have been married 42 years and feel like that too. Aren't we lucky?

I think Prince Charles' idea of love was, and is, Camilla. For everyone involved it was a ghastly mistake marrying Diana, and if you are not living in the public eye with all the expectations of dynastic marriages and antiquated rules it is hard to understand why he was pressured into doing this. However - it was thirty five years ago and life is clearly different now when his son has been able to marry an American divorcee. As for love lasting for ever - I fear that if passion burned on as fiercely as it did in the beginning we would all be burnt out at thirty; love changes and becomes something calmer, deeper, different ....or fades away.

Have been married for 55 years, what is love, think I can sum it up in two words "my marriage"

We`d been married for just over 53 years when my husband died. It was a mixture of romance and turbulence, rows and loving, but I don`t half wish he was still here!

Have been with DH for 56 years in July, he was the one I couldn't live without, we are soulmate.
Love changes over the years from very passionate to the comfy slippers but it is still love.

My grandparents were married for nearly 70 years. (Yes, you read that correctly. Grandma died at age 89, four months before their 70th wedding anniversary.) Grandpa suffered a profound loss when she died. He survived her by just over two years. He moved into a seniors' lodge after she died as he knew he couldn't manage their home by himself (he had heart failure and couldn't do most of the housework anymore). But the night he died was special. My parents, some of my siblings, and some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins had come out to the farm over Christmas and had picked up Grandpa to take him back to the house. (My grandparents lived on a farm and my dad's brother and his wife lived in a separate house on the same farm, so Grandpa still had his house and we have it still.) Grandpa collapsed suddenly in the bedroom. They did CPR and revived him for a few minutes, EMS got there and took him to the hospital, but he died shortly after he got there. I know he hadn't wanted to die alone in the lodge. This was the best possible end for him. He also died on what would have been Grandma's 92nd birthday, had she lived.

No...I don’t think marital love can last all through to the end of life scenario....perhaps when people lived much less than they do now that was a possibility. My loveless marriage is a case of ...I’ve matured and inevitably changed over the years and my husband has remained stagnant and moribund. He has always refused any encouragement toward modernity ...... he glories in being ‘just the same as when he was 25. Whereas I’ve moved along and away from him and indeed from the idea of us. I’m 68 and I have no wish to be married to an ageing teenager.

That's why I said we are lucky.. We have matured together.

Like old cheeses

Thick skin on the outside but soft in the middle!

We met at a dance when we were 18 and he asked if he could take me home. I asked the most important question “Have you got a car?” and he said he had. We got into the old Ford Prefect and I stole a glance at him. He had strawberry blond hair and under the street light it shone gold. His eyelashes were gold and so were the hairs on the back of his hands. He wore a gold signet ring and a gold coloured watch. I had never seen anyone so golden. He drove me home and it was magical. We were married two years later and now 56 years after that first meeting I feel as though I got into that old car and have been sitting beside him on a long wonderful journey ever since. I hope we never reach the end.

Reading this thread I feel I am a Miss Haversham

I'm still in love with my (second, after a disaster) husband. We've been tested by the worst blows over the last 20 years that I think a couple could take.
The love has changed, no doubt, and we have both changed in ourselves, profoundly in my case. However we have an unbreakable bond. I don't analyse it. I just feel it and know it to be there.
He's hurt me dreadfully in the past, but I think it was his sincere effort and contrition and reflection that showed me who he really was. He had to "grow up" or lose me, and he fought to prove he could.
He's my best friend. We forgive each other's flaws and remind each other how lucky we are to have each other when life has sometimes been so cruel. We have each others' backs and know we can handle anything if we're together.

Beautiful quote, grannyactivist!

Paddyann, love the advice your mother gave, but, wow!

Maybe if love stops being a two-way street, then someone becomes a stalker.

Urnstongram and lemongrove, you are both making me laugh, lol"

I think it's awesome that some of you found the love of your life early on and married him, too! I married my love, but didn't meet him till a little later on. Also, I'm another one who can't be with someone round the clock, no matter how much I love them. I need my "me" time. But great for those of you who enjoy be together all the time!

Gillybob, your story is romantic in its own way. Your first husband gave you your first child, the second was there when you needed him, and then, finally, you met your true love - beautiful!

So many romantic stories here! And (sigh) so many sad ones! I really feel for those of you whose marriages have gone sour or just blah. I hope you get the chance to find new love.

Age, I think there are a lot of wonderful definitions and descriptions of love here. I've known some couples who just clicked from the moment they met each other and that's where it has been at ever since though the early, youthful passion may have calmed down. But I also know others whose love "ran out," as you say.

Not sure why you're asking that. It sounds as if you aren't feeling very loving towards dh these days. Maybe you're just in a rut and need to switch things up a little, go on an exciting trip or two, etc. Couples I know who travel a lot together always seem to be really enjoying each other, but, of course, it can be expensive and not workable for everyone.

Or maybe there has been too much "perseverance" and not enough joy. Perhaps it's time to move on? How does dh feel about it all?

The poster who said the vows were written in a different time is right, IMO. Also, they were written in a time when "death" came much sooner than it does today. You're entitled to be happy and so is he. Please think about what you really want.

I can’t even imagine what it must be like to be so in love for all those years (that some of you have written about) , but oh how I envy you. Was it A Carol King or Carly Simon song “ I don’t love you any more- I don’t think I ever did”

Oh Sorry it was Annie Lennox

Lovely story Hollycat ?