Recent split

Welcome Gordon if you’re new here !

I think in a breakup such as you described there is an element of ‘ I don’t want you but I don’t want anyone else to have you either’! It’s not that you want him back , more an expression that he’s moved on quite quickly.

You’ve confirmed that a leopard doesn’t change his spots as whilst pursuing you he’s seeing someone else and all the fine romantic words he might send are worthless.

Perhaps to some extent you are grieving what could have been or even that you feel sad at wasted time ?

7 years is a long time and the loss of a relationship , even a poor one, will hurt. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some time to come to terms with it. If it was me though, I’d block his number ?

Block him and move on. As you as you keep up these sporadic texts, you'll be connected to him. Stop caring what he is doing - you're well rid of him . Good luck.

Relationships are so complicated, even when you know you have done the right thing in leaving you still have residual feelings for your ex. It's hard to move on and how you feel now will pass. You are doing absolutely the right thing in keeping occupied, keep strong.

Thank you nana. You’re correct when you say I’m grieving what could have been, and the wasted time. I think they are the main reasons, also that he has found someone and I haven’t. I had plenty of time to change my mind and go back, but I didn’t, and don’t, miss him one bit, at times I didn’t even like him! He has nobody in his life, so needs to find a ‘mate’. I just needed some wise words to console me

Thank you stella and pop. I’m steely enough not to text him/answer him. I know I don’t want him. I just need to work through these irrational feelings, and yes, it will pass..

I’m going to delete/block his number too!

I'm surprised the relationship has gone on for as long as it has given the circumstances as it sounds like one of convenience rather than a meaningful one.

I’m sure it wasn’t a relationship of convenience and I’m sure you thought it was- or could be- meaningful. Sadly that wasn’t the case, so I think your emotions- and his- are rather confused. You have done the right thing, and are obviously finding things that you value in your life. You need to value yourself and be kind to yourself now, and know that these conflicting feelings won’t last forever.

You sound like a sensible strong woman Gordon, you'll work through it.

I know its a big generalisation but personally I think men never leave someone till they have someone to go to. Not sure if that's true but some men stay with their mum, then move in with a gf or wife...etc etc . He probably NEEDS to be with someone -- anyone to be fair.

You can see clearly now ( don't break into song lol) - you'll be fine .

I have to echo the words of wisdom from others here. You were obviously the strong one and can forge ahead with a life of your own, whereas he was the weak one who clung to you (or whoever he could find).
As NanaandGrampy pointed out, he'll never change as "whilst pursuing you he’s seeing someone else and all the fine romantic words he might send are worthless" so you have definitely done the right thing and the future ahead is clear and bright!

It's a great idea to block and delete his number Gordonbennett. You need to get this man out of your head as well as your life, and all the time he's contacting you, he's making that virtually impossible.

It's time to look forward and get ready for what life has to offer. Good luck.

Thank you for all your replies, they were what I needed to hear!

He is desperate to be with somebody, and at the minute will be going all out to lure her in. I have been looking back with rose tinted glasses, and these are now becoming clear, and if I’m honest (though he has a lot going for him) I couldn’t stand him, doesn’t bode well for a relationship.

It’s done now, and I’m feeling better already. Thank you all once again

Gordonbennet Those rose tinted glasses all cleared now I feel and good for you now you can get on with your life.
Some men need to have a relationship on the go and be looked after they move on very quickly and to my mind that shows that there was very little commitment in the first place (if that makes sense).
Make time to go out with your girlfriends and enjoy being your own person you'll soon meet someone.

Maybe because you have been so badly treated? You have every right to feel sore.

Stop all contact with him and stop paying any attention to what he is doing now.

The fact that he is still after you while seeing someone else proves how shallow he is .... block him and live your life free and happy ?

Like others have said, you need to allow some time to grieve for an end to a relationship - not for what could have been, but for the amount of time it took from your life!
Block his number, if he sends you anything by post, return it.
You can bet he has made sure that you have heard about him seeing someone else - childish game that says "see, someone else wants me!"
Only way is to make a complete break - don't go to the places you used to visit together, at least for a while, stay away from places he is likely to go to - even if it means changing the place where you buy your groceries (or shop online!)
Most of all, you know the answer - it's just him that needs to get the message !

I like the quote, "Feelings are like visitors. They come and go." Just be patient and wait for yours to go.

I agree with Bekind (love that name) that with a little bit of patience you'll be through this and out the other side with much to look forward to.

Although you didn't love him and don't want him back what has probably hurt is that he has moved on so quickly. Implying that he wasn't that bothered in the first place. I also think it's human nature to feel wanted and although his messages trying to get you back irritated you at the same time they made a tiny part of you feel good.

Delete the numbers and move on as he wasn't making you happy and you are now free to find happiness.

You seem upset that he has found someone and you haven't. You don't need a man in your life to define yourself - it's not a competition. Just enjoy being you and the freedom you now have to enjoy your life. Be thankful that he's now gone, he sounds like a waste of space. And wouldn't he just love it if he knew you felt like this? Block his number, get out there and do the things that make YOU happy. Show him that you can move on too. Good luck.

Just another Good luck from me It’s perfectly normal to feel rejected and a little bit jealous even if it’s something you don’t want Look how a kid will fight to get a toy of another then not even bother to play with it It’s natural it’s seven years good and bad and you tend to remember the good on the surface, when something is whipped from under your feet. Remind yourself of the bad and reject phone calls, poems (back in the post, return to sender) texts and move on in life Don’t move straight on to another man though get yourself sorted first let that come later in time
?

Some people seem to have that something that is very difficult to extract from. You could be talking about an ex of mine and, yes, I got lured back a few times to be treated like dirt yet again. One day I woke up and realised I deserved a lot better. My mantra now is ‘I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness’

Give it time Gordonbennett. I know exactly how you feel. I was in a dead marriage for years and we both knew that I wanted out. But when I found emails on our shared computer and realised he had been having an affair I was enraged. I cried buckets and made myself ill from rage. The day he left was just wonderful and next morning I woke to such peace and joy.

I haven’t missed him for even a minute but I still mourn the wasted years and that he didn’t love me from the start or so he said. I try not to let it bother me and just enjoy my freedom to be myself.