Recent split

Gordonbennett, you will know from the replies that many women have been through experiences similar to yours and they have lived to tell the tale. They have survived and so will you. Be kind and generous to yourself as you get your life back on track knowing you can do what you want, when you want. Savour the freedom of no longer having to consider what sounds like a selfish, boring and very unpleasant man.

One day and it will happen for sure you will know this relationship is totally over and you can move on.
Years ago I remember I was sat on a bus going home and I knew that everything was going to be alright and I could get on with my life and be happy.
It was like a weight had lifted from my shoulders.

I have read through all your advices with interest and also taking on board the guidance you have given. I also went through grieving time for approximately 5 months after I found out my ex had a fling and lied about alot things. I've just had a set back which upset me a great deal and I don't trust any man now.

You may not have loved him but at least he was a friend, or so it seemed.

No one likes to be betrayed by friends for any reason.

It seems he's the inveterate liar you knew him to be and, as everyone else has said, you're well rid of him.

Your emotions are entirely normal and only to be expected

*whst what

One wonders why you had a 7 year relationship with a man you didn't love (^though I tried very hard to^ ??)
didn't much like, who lied to you and you often disagreed with.
Whst a waste of time.
Have you ever wondered why you got involved in the first place?
Was it a case of simply having someone...anyone rather than spending leisure time on your own?
I think the problem lies with you and your reasons for having someone you neither loved or liked in your life for 7 years.

Oh Violette, I don’t know what to say! I’m sure you must feel better on your own, but not all men are takers.

I came on the thread to say that, when we are old enough to be Grandparents, we somehow don’t imagine our feelings will be as rampant as they were when we were much younger (teenaged in my case) and first learning about love and loss. So such deep emotions take us by surprise. They do pass though, thankfully!

Oh yes ...same here ...previous 'fiance' of 13 years upped and left for a woman he had not met, only online ...she came over from the USA complete with all her possessions expecting to marry him …………..he then had the cheek to call me and say 'I made a mistake ...she's like the back of a bus and asked if my house was social housing (it wasn,t but a small terraced new build he bought after his divorce many many years before) .he said can I come and see you ! I said NO and you can return my keys to my solicitor because I have sold m house and am going to Spain to get married …………..goodbye !! Ha ha I LOVED that moment ….he said 'How did you do that ?' I aid two can play at the same game ……………….then I heard via the grapevine he had gone on to do exactly the same to another woman ...she had even sent out the wedding invitations ! a previous one had sold her house to marry him and ended up in a caravan …………….he was just a serial commitment phobe ! Then I heard he had a disabilitating stroke and is now in special housing …...my mother used to say What goes around comes around !! ha ha my brother used to say to me 'You don't have much luck do you, with men '....my first husband, when I was 23, was a compulsive gambler....second relationship womaniser and commitment phobe ….second husband a previous alcoholic so his family told me, whom his late wife was planning on leaving before she had a bad stroke and was in a wheelchair. He is now in care with Parkinsons, dementia and oesophageal cancer which the doctors say has amongt other causes, an excessive intake of alcohol ...his daughter will not come to see him as she says he deserves it as he was always only Me and nothing else at all (as per CharlesAznavour's song Yesterday, When I was Young which I shall have played at his funeral ) I am fortunate in that I survive (so far ! again, the divorcees song I Will Survive comes to mind !) I know ONE thing ...If I live to be 100 there will NEVER be anyone but ME to grow old disgracefully !

I’m going through exactly the same but I ended my relationship due to him cheating. We were together 14 years no children together and it’s my home so he left. However he’s spent last 2 years trying to win me back and he’s stayed in touch via calls and texts. I did still love him when we split but I don’t anymore, I don’t want him back and I’m absolutely fine without him I work and have a social life and I’m ok being single. However the calls and texts stopped last month and I’ve just heard he’s found someone else..... this like you, has stirred up all sorts of feelings that I never expected to feel. I’m assuming it’s the I don’t want him but don’t want anyone else to have him either. Or the fear of him not being there for me. Sorry I can’t give you any advise but your not alone n feeling this way.Lets hope we work thru these feelings fairly soon.

All very wise advise. You really have to love yourself before you can find someone else to love. It suggests you didn't feel love for yourself or you wouldn't have been in a dead end relationship for so long. Spend some alone time to put this right. Just do what makes you happy without feeling any guilt. You deserve it. Good luck for the future.

Because you are a kind hearted human being and he is showing you that he is distressed. That’s how he kept you with him for so long.
Well done you for getting and keeping him out of your life. He needs a clear message to bog off out of your life then it will stop.

This man sounds like he wasn't worth the effort gordon and I think you're well rid. There's always sadness at the end of a relationship - you're probably mourning 'what might have been' which is perfectly normal.
He's probably giving his new woman the run-around so be grateful you got out.

I believe that nothing is a waste of time in life, we learn from everything we do, whether we take the lessons forward or not is in our hands. You must have had some good times with your ex for the relationship to have lasted 7 years so not a waste really, but now move on - you know you haven’t really done this before so now is the time.

Good luck to whoever he is now with - they are going to need it by the sound of it.
Forget the wasted years as you call it and don't waste any more. You never loved him. You deserve much much more. We always want what we can't have but you don't really want him back.

Give it time Gordonbennett. I know exactly how you feel. I was in a dead marriage for years and we both knew that I wanted out. But when I found emails on our shared computer and realised he had been having an affair I was enraged. I cried buckets and made myself ill from rage. The day he left was just wonderful and next morning I woke to such peace and joy.

I haven’t missed him for even a minute but I still mourn the wasted years and that he didn’t love me from the start or so he said. I try not to let it bother me and just enjoy my freedom to be myself.

Some people seem to have that something that is very difficult to extract from. You could be talking about an ex of mine and, yes, I got lured back a few times to be treated like dirt yet again. One day I woke up and realised I deserved a lot better. My mantra now is ‘I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness’

Just another Good luck from me It’s perfectly normal to feel rejected and a little bit jealous even if it’s something you don’t want Look how a kid will fight to get a toy of another then not even bother to play with it It’s natural it’s seven years good and bad and you tend to remember the good on the surface, when something is whipped from under your feet. Remind yourself of the bad and reject phone calls, poems (back in the post, return to sender) texts and move on in life Don’t move straight on to another man though get yourself sorted first let that come later in time
?

You seem upset that he has found someone and you haven't. You don't need a man in your life to define yourself - it's not a competition. Just enjoy being you and the freedom you now have to enjoy your life. Be thankful that he's now gone, he sounds like a waste of space. And wouldn't he just love it if he knew you felt like this? Block his number, get out there and do the things that make YOU happy. Show him that you can move on too. Good luck.

Although you didn't love him and don't want him back what has probably hurt is that he has moved on so quickly. Implying that he wasn't that bothered in the first place. I also think it's human nature to feel wanted and although his messages trying to get you back irritated you at the same time they made a tiny part of you feel good.

Delete the numbers and move on as he wasn't making you happy and you are now free to find happiness.

I agree with Bekind (love that name) that with a little bit of patience you'll be through this and out the other side with much to look forward to.

I like the quote, "Feelings are like visitors. They come and go." Just be patient and wait for yours to go.

Like others have said, you need to allow some time to grieve for an end to a relationship - not for what could have been, but for the amount of time it took from your life!
Block his number, if he sends you anything by post, return it.
You can bet he has made sure that you have heard about him seeing someone else - childish game that says "see, someone else wants me!"
Only way is to make a complete break - don't go to the places you used to visit together, at least for a while, stay away from places he is likely to go to - even if it means changing the place where you buy your groceries (or shop online!)
Most of all, you know the answer - it's just him that needs to get the message !

The fact that he is still after you while seeing someone else proves how shallow he is .... block him and live your life free and happy ?

Stop all contact with him and stop paying any attention to what he is doing now.

Maybe because you have been so badly treated? You have every right to feel sore.