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My dad is driving me crazy

(14 Posts)
yukii007 Sun 14-Apr-19 19:45:31

Ever since my mom died in Feb. I have been trying to help my dad as he is in his upper 90's. I hired a caretaker and nurse to visit him. I even got him a attorney to help him with all his problems. He is very angry all the time and forgets things. He constantly tells people how terrible I am and blames all his problems on me. I am having a hard time having a conversation with him without him accusing me of taking advantage of him. His paranoia and obsessive behavior is driving all people that try to help him away.

It's hard not to get hurt by his actions, I know he not himself but it causes a lot of stress for me and my wife.

I never been so stressed in my life.

SueDonim Sun 14-Apr-19 20:42:23

I'm sorry to read this. Does your dad have a diagnosis of dementia or similar? He possibly needs medication to help deal with the paranoia.

Nanabilly Sun 14-Apr-19 20:48:23

When my mil displayed similar behaviours we discovered it to be the worsening of her dementia. Get your father checked out

tanith Sun 14-Apr-19 21:01:02

See his GP he needs assessing.

paddyann Sun 14-Apr-19 21:20:44

he's grieving maybe you need to try to be a bit more understanding.He lost his wife of many years and he's feeling lost and alone.he'll blame you for everything because we always blame those nearest to us .Its only been a few weeks you have to give him time to come to terms with his loss.

paddyann Sun 14-Apr-19 21:21:19

he'll BLAME you ,sorry keyboard problems

paddyann Sun 14-Apr-19 21:21:49

he'll BLAME you ,sorry keyboard problems

Septimia Sun 14-Apr-19 21:29:27

My FiL could be very difficult, like your father, and accused my DH (and others) of all sorts of things which weren't true. To some extent it was because of his dementia. However, we discovered that he tended to get urinary infections which caused him to be more confused and agitated. We got to recognise the symptoms (which can be difficult to spot) and quickly got him antibiotics whenever necessary.
So, as others have said, a visit to the GP is a good idea.

yukii007 Sun 14-Apr-19 22:53:09

I assume he has dementia as he forgets what he says and creates a story in his mind of a conspircy against him. When he ask for help he does not believe what we tell him and stays up all night thinking about his attorney and accountant will take all his money. After a week of this then he will moves on to a new conspiracy. It hard for them to do their job to help him. I spoke to his nurse and doctor and they just tell me his paranoia is the only thing keeping him alive other wise he would have nothing to keep him busy.

SueDonim Sun 14-Apr-19 23:14:22

I think that's a very cruel attitude, Yukki. Who wants to live out their life in a state of fear and anxiety? That's not a life anyone would choose for themselves, surely?

A family friend has been in a similar situation. His dementia & paranoia is being treated and he is much calmer. He thinks he's a young man again and likes to make plans for his future, even though we know it's years behind him now. He's happy and content in his world and that's the important thing.

yukii007 Mon 15-Apr-19 02:09:49

Yes Sue, that sounds great, but I am 6000 miles away and he refuses to take any meds for pain or for his problems. No relatives left or friends visit as he is very anti social over the past 40 years. I try the best I can

BradfordLass72 Mon 15-Apr-19 03:12:52

If you are 6,000 miles from him, then maybe it would be better to reduce your contact - to save yourself!

It's not selfishness to look after your own mental well-being - and I say this as someone who lived (and suffered with) a paranoid schizophrenic for many years and it drove me to the point of collapse.

Don't let that happen to you.

stella1949 Mon 15-Apr-19 03:45:45

Sounds like dementia - all these things are symptoms of it. Since you are presumably just talking on the phone to him, let him talk , sympathise, and then hang up and forget it.

There isn't any treatment for this - at his age you will only have a fairly short time to put up with it. So let his accusations roll off you like water off a duck's back. You'll be fine. My mother was like this - I'd just say yes, yes, then hang up and go on with life. It's all you need to do.

yukii007 Mon 15-Apr-19 04:49:45


Thank you Stella, I will try.