Anyone else's husband turned into a Grumpy old man?

I agree with HildaW, that there's a difference between 'grumpy' (which can still be viewed with affection) and downright miserable, bullying and controlling. I have witnessed this at first hand (my father to my mother) and therefore have complete sympathy for you ladies who find yourselves in this situation: living with a man who 'sucks all the joy out of everything'. If it's not possible to leave, please do your utmost to carve a life for yourselves that has some happiness. Don't lose touch with friends - that is SO important. (Friends on here count!). Just remember the words from the beautiful Mary Oliver poem, 'The Summer Day' - "Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?"

Light-hearted or not? It can be hard to tell, especially as people often make light of quite serious situations.

Evie64, you could speak to the GP, or write them a letter, if you think there are things they should know.
As said on another thread, the GP can't discuss anything about your husband with you but they can take account of what you tell them.

I totally understand the "grumpy old man" thing - my H is 67 and living with him gets harder every day. He is mildly depressed, has ADHD, and while I try to be supportive, it's honestly getting too hard for me sometimes.
I will not leave him but I am just exhausted and so lonely in my life. There's very little joy left and I am honestly not optimistic.
His psychiatrist recently upped the dose of his anti depressants and that's my main hope for a little respite.
He is irritable with the grandkids and even becomes aggressive so he hardly sees them any more.
Very sad situation and I empathize with everyone else who is living like this.
P

My DH amuses himself by goading me into arguing with him. He can continue saying something he knows annoys me over and over again and I can ignore him for so long. He can have a one sided conversation with me for about 20 mins with no answer until I snap and then I see a smirk! I have calmly explained to him that this really upsets me but he continues doing it. He seems to find it funny, but if I get annoyed with him he can go off to bed and leave me feeling bad. I work shifts and sometimes am glad to go to work to get away from him. I love him to bits but sometimes I can't stay in the same room as him.

I have a sneaking feeling that my grumpy old man was once a grumpy young man but I never noticed. Partly because I used to drag him out, now I can’t move him, and partly because we were both so busy with our jobs that his true self remained hidden.
I saw a young couple snogging on the tube last week and I wanted to tap her on the shoulder and tell her what to expect in 50 years time.

Supposed to say I can't do anything right

I can cope with my husband when he is being a grump but the thing that makes me feel sick is when I observe my teenager treading on egg shells because of it.

Hi, I'm new to this but glad to see that I'm not the only person with a grumpy old man for a husband. He has changed in the last year to such a miserable sod and always moaning at everything. I can't do anything wrong. He is not the talking type so I guess I will have to come on here to chat. Its good to know I'm not alone

I didn't see this as necessarily a humorous thread when I saw the title. If it was intended that way, well, humor can be hard to get across on the Internet, I think because we can't hear intonation. But Evie's later post where she mentions dh becoming "controlling and bullying" makes me think she wasn't trying to be funny.

Anyhow, dh isn't grumpy, per se, but he seems to look for things to worry about and I have to remind him not to borrow trouble. I really think it's because his mind is not as occupied as it was when he was working. He has hobbies, but has cut back on some of them. Fortunately, he has friends that he goes fishing with in the warmer months - gets him out of the house more and in a better frame of mind. And yes, I know there are things that make me grumpy, myself, especially first thing in the morning when I'm not totally awake yet, lol!

Evie, I'm sure dh's behavior is related to his depression. Or maybe to the medication. Would it be possible for you to speak to his doctor or would dh get angry?

I'm glad you get away from his attitude via work and that you have friends there. I hope you make plans with those friends sometimes - meet for lunch, etc., so you can enjoy more pleasant times.

Meanwhile, I think some of you ladies have found some lovely solutions! Kudos!

Grandad and grumpa, you sound delightful!

Rufus2 You're a tonic as well as a dag !
Sort of proved my point didn't you

Bradford: I know you're tucked up in bed right now, or should be, but I must thank you for reminding me of that very funny Kiwi comedian, Fred Dagg; note the 2 Gs' but were not pedants around here. I take it as a compliment!

But I don't follow your Kiwi-speak; What was your point?

Anyone remember that fab sitcom 'Butterflies'? I loved it and when we were first married told Mr. S. that he reminded me of the husband who was always a bit grumpy and he'd be just like him when he got older.

We laughed about it then and laugh about it now.

We've had a traumatic 7 years, losing our son and only GC through estrangement but always find ways of cheering one another up when the other is down. A hug works wonders.

I hope you can find ways of bringing a smile to your grumpy husbands faces; maybe this beautiful Easter weather will help.

PS: forgot to say, he is on antidepressants but still thinks he is fine and it's everyone else. He's never honest with the GP when he goes for reviews.

Wow! Didn't mean to start an argument on here, I get enough of those at home thanks. Thanks for all the kind comments and suggestions though. I really have tried everything, suggested exercise, hobbies, getting a p/t job or volunteering or just being grateful for each day but to no avail. He is never happy with anything I do or say, but hey ho, like I said, after 46 years, it's not really feasible to be "moving on" despite the fact that he is controlling and bullying. I try to just ignore it as best I can but life is not much fun. Thank God for my part time job and the friends I have there.

O M G YES! i said the other day that it was like living with my granddad

Rufus2 You're a tonic as well as a dag !

Sort of proved my point didn't you.

As for happy old men - how about Santa Claus?

SiL tried to help this evening and peeled some potatoes for dinner. He heard someone in His Kitchen and was there in a flash. Wrong potatoes! Grumpiness in the extreme!

He’s always been grumpy bless him.

I really must try to live up to my nom de plume, but cheerfulness keeps breaking in.

To be fair it could be grumpy old man, or grumpy old woman, depending on what life throws at you as you age. My father was definitely a grumpy old man towards the end of his life, riddled with Rheumatoid Arthritis, complications with Type 1 Diabetes and I did think my mother was a saint at times......but the boot could have been on the other foot, she just remained the healthier one.

I'd definitely say I was grumpier than my husband, particularly first thing in the morning before I've had that first coffee, then I'm all

Thank you, Maw, for the above comment. We will be going to see
André Rieu at one of his orchestras Maastricht Concert(s) this year. Now, that is something we have wanted to do for I do not know how many years.

We hoped to go last year for our 50s wedding anniversary, but that was not to be for reasons outside our control.

But we are most definitely going to make up for that this year.

I certainly will not be grumpy on that occasion.

I didn't see this thread as light hearted at all. Some of the posts are really sad. It must be so unpleasant to live with someone who never brings any joy into your life, whether that is a husband or a wife.

That’s very sweet Grandad what a lovely tribute!

Without doubt, there are untold numbers of husbands in this world who believe their wife/partner has turned into a grumpy old woman, and so the world turns.

Not my wife though, she has kept the same outgoing lighthearted personality that was within her as when we met.

Me, well the grandchildren certainly see me as an easygoing soft touch.

OH suffers from depression and now has arthritis which GP says has to be lived with and that makes him grumpy. Generally he is better in warmer weather so am hopeful for another good summer.

Mama Caz; I had a similar problem with Maw some time ago when it appeared my posts, always intended to be light-hearted, were not being seen that way
That’s a very personal attack rufus plus being a post about another thread.
Humour surely, is in the eye of the beholder or readers and “banter” or sexist remarks which ,as I recollect they were, perhaps not “light hearted” to this reader?