Daughter Vs Daaughters in-law

Yes, SleepyGM, I agree with sodapop. I know your ac or cil may get angry since they've come to count on you for childcare. They shouldn't, there's no rule that says gps "have to" mind children or how much. But still, they might. However, I think you need to say something for your own health and sanity's sake. They need to find someone else who can share some of the care, even if they have to pay someone some of the time.

Whatever happens, please remember that the 2-year-old will be in school in a few years and that will cut down some of your childcare. Idk if you can bear to wait that long for a change, however. Only you can know that.

Hope you can talk to the parents, that they are reasonable, and that it all works out!

SleepyGM Sounds like you have accumulated child care by default. The time has come to sit down with your family and review what you are doing for them. Have a clear idea of how much time you would like to do things for yourself and how much you want to spend on child care. It's not unreasonable to expect to enjoy a social life of your own in retirement. Learn to say 'no' .

Or I should say, hope she "accepted" your invite, as today is already Easter. Hope you have a good Easter either way.

Such good news, crazyh! Glad everything was fine when you spoke to dd! She has probably gotten over it! Hope she accepts your invitation and that you have a wonderful time!

I’d stay off group chats far too easy to get your words interpreted wrongly
I think it’s a very tight line to being in your adult kids lives to being IN your adult kids lives Take a step back and let the next generation enjoy or not enjoy their own chats

Happy Easter crazyH - hope you and the family have a wonderful choclatey time.

'She's dieting' was a clue - no doubt she's cranky with hunger and chocolate cravings

SleepyGM

Hello Group new to forum.
I couldn’t wait to have grandkids they cane a little earlier then I thought
I retired early thought I would get a few year exploring things I wanted to venture into. Instead found out a few months after retiring that we were going to be grandparents still excited
Until they asked if I could watch and infant three days a week.
I have four grandkids at this point and helping with 3 of them and trying to make time for our Fourth one.
Exhausted from watching grandkids
I watch my grandson who is a toddler 3days a week. My granddaughter Tuesday overnight through Wednesday morning then I watch my grandson Wednesday all day. I pickup my other grandson every other Friday from school while watching my 2year old grandson. Then every other Thursday I try to go see my fourth granddaughter. I thought retiring early at 58 was going to be pleasurable
I worked full time all my life 50 plus hour a week and never felt so exhausted and anxious. I love them dearly but I feel like I have lost myself.
Just need to vent since my sister and friends refuse to watch there grandkids except on occasion.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about
one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth.
Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary ...".
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?".
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued." You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness.
Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.......

It also explains why he never found out that his student, Plato, was having an affair with his wife.I

This may be a joke, but the 3 Filters is a good rule to follow before posting on Social Media, especially if you have a 'touchy' family!

Everyone loves a happy ending ??

I'm so glad you've managed to pour oil on troubled water
I know how you feel. I am occasionally expected to take sides between the girls. I try not to but sometimes it's hard to avoid.

You have to be careful with texts and messages etc. Something you might to say to someone’s face or on phone as a joke can often miss the haha factor in short written messages. I favour just saying positive things on those forums.
Someone said something to me on a forum as a funny remark, I didn’t find it so. Read as hurtful and dismissive of me. But if he’d said it to my face, I’d have said something equally cheeky back to him. And no harm would have been done.

Book you and your DD into that spa

Good luck CrazyH

Update : thanks all. Took your advice......spoke to daughter, invited her and the kids for Easter Lunch. Bought eggs for them. She hasn't confirmed yet, that they will come....she may have other plans (divorced, and on the dating scene now), but at least I have spoken to her and she seems absolutely fine. She must know I love her ?
This is just a great site, with Grandparents sharing their problems. their views and their support. Thankyou all. I dare say, I will be on it, at some future point, with some other problem. But I must say, I also comment on other posts and am very involved in this site....this is our Agony Aunt

I blame the tv soaps. Every little thing is blown up into a drama and somehow we have a generation who thinks this is how to handle everything. Well, it’s not. We all say the wrong thing at times but if you value your friends and love ones, you let it go. Making mountains out of mole hills comes to mind.

I have learned that words can hurt. Sadly, once written, you cannot take them back and this is one reason why I shall forever be estranged from one DIL. I am a fairly easy going soul but that doesn't mean I am open to everything and can't be hurt.

Life is short crazyH and you love your daughter so do all you can to bring her round. Sounds like she need reassurance so why not send her a card reminding her you love her and want to be friends again>

However, another thing you learn as you age is that you are sometimes better off not being in the life of someone who is no good for your peace of mind, who is an effort to be with, someone you tread on eggshells for, because you have to..

A friend has ditched a family member. She was clinging on, because she was family, being nice when she wanted to snap, being offended but turning the other cheek, and she did it because "Well, you just have to keep family together, at all costs, don't you?" (No, was her conclusion, after a lot of mithering.) She says she has gained so much emotional freedom from not seeing her any longer. No guilt, no trying too hard, no fake smiles. She says it's better, and I followed her advice.

It can be. All circumstances are different though.

Just leave it...time will sort it out eventually.

I simply cannot understand families that take umbrage at such trivial happenings

I can’t either Monica. If any of my family (2DDs 1DiL) behaved like that, there’s be some serious banging of heads together and then I’d leave them to get on with it.

crazyH perhaps you’re actually enabling this stuff because you get involved. Don’t.

Life is too short for this kind of thing. When you have a child who has died you realise this. You are all in good health and it is sad if you cannot all be friendly. Is it any good suggesting to your dd that she apologises to dil for upsetting her which from what you say she definitely did not mean to do. She doesn't have to apologise for what she said which after all was just her jokey way but for causing pain to dil. If dil can't take that kind of apology then that speaks against her.
Please all be friends and live in peace.

Just because she appears not to be talking to you doesn't mean you can't talk to her, if she is near by I think I might knock and say would you like to come to Sunday lunch, if she is not near phone her up and ask her, you don't really want this to go on any longer, tell her it is very upsetting that she should think you favour your DIL. It is true that some people put things on WhatsApp they wouldn't say to their faces, this is not your problem, your advice was sound but next time keep quiet then nobody can blame you.

Can't afford Spa - just paid for a long London weekend for the family in August.
She will have to do with an Easteregg.....just realised she's on a diet.....can't win ?

Phew! Just reading this thread makes me feel the exhaustion! Crazy, I'm so sorry! What you said to dd was, no doubt, correct, and an honest, caring effort to avoid further problems.

I like the idea of the early Easter egg - and the spa (who wouldn't?). But I'd think twice about booking the spa until you see her reaction to getting the egg. If this was just an in-the-moment reaction, it will probably blow over as soon as she receives the egg, and she'll be delighted to do the spa thing with you. But if this is more deep-seated - if she has somehow got it into her head for a while that you favor dil, for example, even though I don't think you do - then she may decline the egg and turn down the spa. So unless you have someone else who would go in her place, I'd hold off on the spa reservations.

In the future, I'd refrain from getting in the middle of their arguments, at all, even when the solution seems fairly obvious to you. While your advice was very wise, IMO, unfortunately, it backfired. I wouldn't take the chance of that happening again.

I think dd way overreacted to the exchange and hope she calms down and comes to her senses soon.

I know exactly how you feel, only mine is with two daughters, there is a lot of jealousy, and resentment, as well as love of course. My husband and I constantly walk on egg shells , and we have to be incredibly careful that everyone is treated the same, which is actually impossible! Hard going sometimes.

I simply cannot understand families that take umbrage at such trivial happenings.

I have 1 x DD and 2 x DILs I have found that I have to be very careful how I praise the 2 x DILs when in the presense of DD I make sure DD is praised for all she does even though sometimes I don't fully agree it just keeps the egg shells from not getting cracked,the politics of family life is difficult sometimes.
A trip to Thorntons looks on the cards for that special egg. xx