not allowed to see grand daughter

He is insecure in his relationship with your dd. Maybe he's punching above his weight

yes im confused

Joyfulnanna - Coercive control is a sign of extreme insecurity.
Would that be the person trying to control another?
Or the person being controlled.
I can see that from both sides.

is it i dont really know about these things they have so many different names for so many different things these days
whose extreme insecurity ?

Coercive control is a sign of extreme insecurity

i hope not phoenix

Perhaps more to this than meets the eye?

Still have a niggle about some sort of coercive control.

That's hurtful to say you're not wanted or needed. But he isn't blood..you don't need his throwaway remarks. Keep atrong, he's nothing to you..and it shows he doesn't understand your close bond with your GD. Ignore him and his ignorant comments.

but i do get confused at least 3 times a week
as when i finish work i might do a bit of shopping
i see my my daughters bf at least 3 times a week
and its like we are complete strangers
he doesnt give me a second look
theres no body language
no malice
no look at me
nothing
i dont approach as last time i had contact with him was the day i was thrown out of my daughters house ( he isnt on the rent book)
the last words he said me
you have no need to be here
you are not wanted or needed
cant my head round that one

on a positive note well hopefully
i pushed my luck last night
i messaged a friend of my daughters
right or wrong of me i did
just a happy chat
i did ask how daughter , grand daughter was
and they fine
i threw in i do miss her
and i got the reply
hopefullys you can make amends soon
i think she read the email
i think her friend did too
as they are my words in the email
hopefully we can make amends
i maybe reading too much into it
but young girls dont normally use that turn of phrase
so still in hope

but at the same time not very confident she has needed alot of support and encouragement to get her where she is today from the whole family

joyfulnanna i didnt have a clue what passive agressive is ?
i read up on it
us as mums know our children inside out
my estranged daughter is very stubborn, i say she likes to stick her head in the sand
she is my youngest daughter but she reminds of my nan
very strict young girl with very old head on her shoulders

i sent an easter card to my grand daughter she knows i love her
and i hope her mum has explained she will see me again

thankyou for ll your replys obviously the situation arose between myself and my daughter and the bf
i didnt go running to my kids
thankfully there input made sure everyone got their christmas presents ie daughter and grand daughter
unfortunately my estranged daughter got very poorly in jan and had to go to hospital
my e ldest daughter took her to hospital
as it was evening and her husband works nights she rang me to say i have to come home cos of kids
and i asked her not to leave my estranged daughter on her own and i would organise my middle daughter to grab her kids and go sit with eldest kids
so there is absolutely no reason why she is treating her siblings like this
your guess is as good as mine tbh
as i said before we work together

Yes likely

My thinking entirely, Starlady.

We don't really know what happened between dd and the rest of the family though. Chances are, even Tracey doesn't know exactly. If dd just cut them off b/c she's mad at nanytracey, imo, that's cruel, immature, and yes, does show a lack of communication skills. If it was under pressure from bf that would be a red flag, but again, we don't know. If it's b/c they kept after her to reunite with the op, she may have done plenty of communicating, explaining over and over why she didn't want to/wasn''t ready yet. IF they kept arguing, she may have just gotten tired of it and decided just to co anyone who tried to push a reconciliation. Or not. Again, we don't really know.

What about the rest of the family being prevented from seeing DD and GC? Is it passive aggressive behaviour because DD cannot communicate normally.

Joyfulnanna, nobody is dictating, we're giving advice which nannytracey is free to take or leave. The daughter doesn't have to be unhinged to be cross if she thinks that her mother is trying to manipulate her into backing down through correspondence directly with her grandchild. On other threads I have read about how the police have considered persistence to be harassment so it is best to be careful.

Reading your recent posts, Tracey, I, too, realize you have an especially close relationship with gd, That must have made it very painful to have the contact cut back, and even worse to have it co altogether. The 5 months must seem like an eternity! Not so for dd and bf perhaps. So it may take a while longer for dd to be ready to reach out to you.

I don't think you should send anything else to dd. If she has blocked your emails or refused to read the one you just sent, she probably isn't going to read any letter you send him. And I agree she might see it as disrespecting her desire to go nc. If you do send a letter, I hope you include an apology in it for your mistakes. That might be key to opening the door.

I'm torn about gd. Otoh (on the one hand), if you send her a card, dd might see that as disrespect, also. Otoh, it worries me that gd cried and expressed the fear that she might never see you again. I hope dd has reassured her that she will see you again, eventually. But just in case she didn't, a card from you might lift gd's spirits, letting her know you're not totally out of her life. That is, if dd gives it to her. It might be worth sending gd one card, just to let her know you're still interested in her, even if dd gets mad....Idk... But if you do, after that, I would let it go.

I get the impression that you're a person who is used to being proactive and that, therefore, it's hard for you to just wait and do nothing, or just apologize and wait. But I think that's what you need to do. I wish you all the strength, courage, and wisdom you need to do it.

Joyfulnana...one mans meat is a nother mans poison. Some people can’t see the other side of things x

I don't think it's disrespectful..nt has had a close relationship with her GD for years to only the recent past, unless her DD is totally unhinged, I think it's worth a shot, and what has she got to lose? Why put her off with negative comments?? That's not support!! There are people on here who think they can dictate the best way forward. Nt knows her GD best and is capable of making decisions, she's asking for help, not aggravation.

Actually, I would not recommend sending anything. Especially nothing with a timeline and extra-especially nothing to your GD.

Let me explain.

If you put a timeline on it, that indicates that you're putting a control on her. You can't do that. She is an adult. She's entitled to decide whether or not she wants a relationship with you. You don't get to decide when she is ready to resume a relationship.

If you send something to your GD, it may be interpreted as disrespecting your daughter's request. At worst, it could also be seen as attempting to contact your GD behind your daughter's back. That's incredibly disrespectful and is likely to further entrench her in NC.

For now, all you can do is wait. You sent her an email. Whether she responds is up to her. If you give your daughter space, she may be more likely to come around.

I'd advise writing directly to GD as this might upset DD. DD has the whip hand and she is the one you need to be on side. By all means, write to your daughter telling her that you will always be there for her and that you are sorry you have fallen out. If you want to write to your GD, add it into you daughter's letter so that your daughter can read it first. Don't say anything inflammatory. A nice message without any blame for the split where your GD is concerned.