not allowed to see grand daughter

After all the shit I've been through, I don't think I'd write to zDD but instead to your GD telling her you're always thinking about her and that she's loved so much. If you address it to her, it will be more likely to be opened by her and as she can read, she can treasure it. That will make her feel better, and you too. Good luck xx

im sure you are right joyfulnanna
she knows her nanny loves her

that was my thoughts namsnanny a letter,
i can all but try
thankyou for the advise
im amazed how many people are in this situation and i totally agree
it is a shocking situation

nt....Well, lots of us have done exactly as you did, not knowing if it aggravated or soothed the situation!!

How does one move forward? What works for one is the death nail for another.

If I were you I'd send an email followed up with a letter repeating the same sentiments.

Put your heart felt feelings (I don't want to loose you etc.)
Finish up with saying you will wait (put in a length of time you think fair) for her reply and leave her to it. Then hope she gradually feels able to re-connect.

I know you have already done something like this, but maybe if you can make your communication mostly about her and what she wants (apart from letting her be in no doubt about your feelings for her) it may get through to her.

The problem is nothing you do will be exactly right in the beginning.
Patience is all you can realistically offer.

I'm sorry I cant be more encouraging but that's the shocking situation lots of us have found ourselves in.

So so hard..because your GD is a child and you want her to know it's not your doing. You've had a close relationship in the past which will endure in her heart.

so i realise now i must do nothing give it time
i sent a doors wide open email last week
but i have no idea if it was read
it was sent
as we already know
i have been blocked in every way shape or form
so do i do nothing in the hope she got the emails? sorry she being my daughter
easter has just gone i did send easter card with some money for my grand daughter
its really difficult do you send dont you send
i dont want to annoy my daughter any more
but at the same time i dont want my grand daughter to think nanny doesnt care
any thoughts?

yes i do see what you mean notanan
we all see situations different in hindsight
it doesnt change the situation
im not on here to be judged
all i wanted was a little advice
maybe you haven't got as much information as you might like at this point
but i came on here to help me sort my head out and i am still in the process of doing that
please dont copy and past any of this paragraph
just read it
why are you here notanan2 i wonder? enough about me

If you do get the chance of discissing the school thing with DD, acknowledging it as an over-step, rather than defending it as on here, will probably yeild a happier outcome. Same for the row etc.

*notanan2 again i rang the school to find out why my character had been slurred
i am entitled to know that much
i am a good person to help whatever way i can within reason to all my family*

As I said several times, I do understand the impulse.
But also think that in hindsight it may help you with your DD if you recognise that it wasnt a wise or productive thing to do and may have driven the wedge deeper!

Notoanoa2....just a foot note; where is the line between firmly voiced ‘advice’ and bullying drawn?
Sometimes all of us need our errors pointing out, but I’m not sure of the validity of doing so.

I do think that going back to the row that ended in DD saying no contact may be key. You dont seem to want to answer questions about that, which is fine. But in your own time it might be worth reflecting on it. From the brief amount of info you posted about it it sounded like the kind of row two non cohabiting parents might have, not a parent and a non-parent/guardian relative. Do you see what I mean?

5 months is a long time
what happens when its years
its obvious i hate this situation
and if there had been any advise how i can remedy this
i would have acted upon it
but the advise was time
and thats what i am doing

notanan2 again i rang the school to find out why my character had been slurred
i am entitled to know that much
i am a good person to help whatever way i can within reason to all my family

As I said on your other thread, 5 months may FEEL like a long time while you are in the middle of it, but really in the grand scheme of things is quite a short time so things probably arent past the point of no return where "fighting" for contact is the only option!

Notanan2....going to court is a misnomer or less accurately a red herring.
You can correct me if I’m wrong, but a GPcan only truly go to court for access in a very narrow set of circumstances ie if they stepped into the role of parents for some time.
So ‘
‘Pointing out the error of their ways’ too soon is counterproductive.
One click on google will give info that confirms this.

I agee with you whole heartedly that resulting to a legal solution is very likely to inflame the situation anyway.
I think people are just completely bereft of ideas to bring the painful situation to a conclusion, so the reach out in any direction hoping something will work.
I tend to think that addressing that fear is better in the first instance, than plunging in with do’s and dont’s.

I hope I haven’t stepped too hard on your toes, as I think fundamentally we are in agreement

OP, genuinely, I DONT think your case is one of those hopeless "just accept it and try to move on" cases. It genuinely does sound fixable, but there are ways you may have acted without malice that might have got DDs defences heightened and whatever is currently happening clearly isnt working so I dont think telling you to carry on as-is would be helpful

really is that how it would seem
that was never intentional
but i relationship with my daughter and grand daughter go hand in hand
you cant have one without the other

i came in a an emotional wreck thats never been in this situation before and really didnt know which way to turn

Which is why I asked if calling the school was a mistake made out of desperation, or if you dont actually realise that it was inappropriate therefor indicating a lack of boundaries.

Either way, I bet DD is justifiably upset that you did it. Seeing why that might be might help heal the rift.

I have a list of approved contacts for school incase an emergency happened and I was unable to collect. That does NOT = permission to act like a parent/guardian and ring the school to discuss DD. I would find it alarming if a grandparent didnt realise the line between grandparent and parent/guardian.

I would also worry in general about the school's safeguarding if they are discussing children with non guardians on the phone.

Combine that with the background of the OPs row with the DD back when she had contact.. it seems possible that the DD felt bombarded and not respected at the childs primary carer.

If doors are to remain open, a change of tack may be called for.

Im not sure however how much the OP wants to reconnect with the DD, her posts come across as her just missing the GC and wanting contact, so maybe Im wrong and the DD/OP relationship is not a priority unless it is a route to the GC??

notanan2 so far in my situation regardless which way i go i get no where
so as i stated before i was thankful for all your different opinions
and had decided to do nothing at this point
i didnt come in guns blazing
i came in a an emotional wreck thats never been in this situation before and really didnt know which way to turn and might i add i never want to be in this situation ever again

its a bit strange ive still got them
hence my confusion

Maybe it’s a good sign that AD hasn’t asked for keys back?

I thought this site was a place of support, not interrogation..just saying.

Depends really on what you mean by support. OP came on guns blazing asking about court. IMO since this all happened relatively recently it would be premature to put that nail in the coffin of the DD/OP relationship. Since it may be redeemable I think the OP would be wise to take a gentler approach until such time as it REALLY is the only option. But if your idea off support is to clap the OP on the back while she burns bridges, crack on!

and the funny thing is when i rang school im still down as point of contact in case of emergency when cant get hold of mum
i still have my set of keys to my daughters house for when i picked up grand daughter from school took her home, done homework , cooked tea
when her mum was busy
im a very flexible nanny to all my kids and will help in any way i can
i am very lucky to have a flexible job that enables me to do that

thanx starlady im still around