Well I think this is more than 'some people being straightforward and others interpreting what has been said as a snippy putdown'. Yes, there is room for interpretation but it's like the use of humour, i.e. it's double sided and something offensive can be said and then covered up with 'oh, can't you take a joke?!'
I was thinking about this and idly Googling and I came across a site teaching English to foreigners which had a very useful analysis of how to be tactful:
"When you speak English, it’s important to say what you mean and express yourself clearly. There are times, however, when telling the complete truth might offend someone.
Being tactful in English is not about lying, it’s about expressing yourself in a way that won’t upset the person you are talking to. There are several ways you can be tactful in English.
Find something positive to say
Or sometimes, it’s just best to avoid a topic.
Sympathise
When you need to talk about a difficult or potentially upsetting topic with someone, think about how they will feel and adjust your speech accordingly. Use expressions like ‘sorry’ or ‘I understand how you feel’ to let the person you are speaking know that you realise this is a difficult situation for him or her.
Offer advice
If someone is upset and you are able to help them, sometimes it’s a good idea to offer advice.
Tell a white lie
There are some times when we just have to lie to avoid hurting a person’s feelings. A lie like this that we tell to prevent a person being hurt rather than for our own personal gain is called a ‘white lie’.
So now you know how to be tactful in English, you never need to be worried about speaking in a difficult or awkward situation again.
Simple?
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