Gransnet forums


Going No Contact

(6 Posts)
Starlady Fri 03-May-19 10:01:53

The thread called, "The Brainwashing Behind Going No Contact" has reached 1000 posts, and so is now closed. But, Imo, NC is an important and very current topic. So I'm opening a new thread on the same issue.

Yogagirl Fri 03-May-19 10:19:01

Well done starlady

Excellent post of 2nd May Smileless & good one from Eddicat too.

We couldn't have been closer, myself, my two D & my GD. My D&GD lived with me and there were roses at our door, until her future H appeared on the scene. I believed I got on with him well, but I was wrong, from his view point. His jealousy knew no bounds, he was jealous of my GD, he perceived she was getting more love and attention from my other D&I than his son, even though he was my GS and I loved him as much. He wasn't having that, so out we all went, including the rest of her bio family. Poor little mite sad

Teacheranne Fri 03-May-19 11:18:12

I could be facing the loss of contact with my grandchildren. My son lives in the US with his wife and two children ( aged 2 and 4) so our main contact is through FaceTime and an annual visit. But it looks like divorce is on the cards, and a toxic one at that! According to my DIL and her mother, who has become a friend of mine, my son is behaving very badly having got involved with another woman and not paying household bills, according to my son, his wife is lying! I'm refusing to even discuss their issues although I believe they are mainly down to money issues as my DIL does not work and my son does not really earn enough to support the family without her income ( it's too complicated to explain how this situation has arisen!)

I've paid the mortgage for them several times and so has her mother but we've both stopped bailing them out now. So I just sit here waiting and worrying to see how things turn out.

I am determined though not to lose contact, my main reason for not discussing their problems in depth with either of them. I am keeping contact mainly through her mother and she has reassured me that whatever happens, my DIL will not cut me out of the children lives, I can only hope that is the case.

I will be devastated if my son ends up returning to England after a divorce and abandons his children - I am under no illusions about my son, he has made bad decisions most of his adult life!

I don't know what else to do at the moment but try to listen to both of them without taking sides, I'm certainly not giving them any more money as I know that is not going to help long term, and try to keep lines of communication open in the future.

Smileless2012 Fri 03-May-19 14:47:03

We can only hope that your mature and sensible approach maintains your relationship with your d.i.l. which will in turn maintain the relationship you have with your GC Teacheranne

It's good that you're friends with your son's m.i.l. and I'm sure that that will enable to you have a workable relationship with your d.i.l. whatever the future brings.

Well done Starlady for the new threadsmile.

Starlady Sat 04-May-19 00:06:08

Thank you, Yoga and Smileless!

Teachername, I'm so sorry about ds and dil's pending divorce and financial problems. Imo, you are very wise not to get into any discussion of their problems, as that could backfire on you badly. I agree with Smileless that it's also good that you and ds' mil are friendly, and I hope that strengthens your position as far as maintaining contact with the gc. Mostly, I hope you're able to keep up a relationship with your gc, no matter what ds does, etc. Best of luck!

Starlady Sat 04-May-19 00:07:34

P.S. I think it's very brave of you to be honest with us about ds' shortcomings. But I also think it's wise of you not to side with either him or dil and just stay on good terms with everyone.