Over sensitive?

You are so lucky to have your family nearby.
Try having a surgical procedure when your family lives 11,000miles away! I had to arrange a lift with our local support group and there was no-one at home on my return to even make me a cuppa!

It’s not that I’m unsympathetic to your position - No one wants to go through any kind of procedure alone. Do you not have any friends who could pick you up and stay with you? Or you with them?
It really is short notice for your son to arrange leave just a few days in advance, having been cancelled from last week. God forbid, but what’s to say it won’t be cancelled again? and having arranged time off ( and all the aggro that can cause ) he would have to rearrange again.
If he can’t get time off work, what exactly would you like him to do? So yes unfortunately, I think your expectations are too high. It’s not as if he won’t be around to look after you on Saturday?
Reading between the lines, maybe you don’t see as much of your son and the GC as you would like and were hoping to be made more of a fuss of as you are going into hospital and so are feeling disappointed? I speak as someone who ran around for years looking after my parents with various health issues and it nearly broke me, my career and my family. Don’t put too much pressure on your son or he may come to resent it.
I Hope all goes well with your stents on Friday. ?

Good luck with the procedures, I hope all goes well. Sounds like your son made an effort for you but circumstances have now made collection impossible. Personally I wouldn’t dream of expecting either of my sons to collect me from hospital. I tend to be very self sufficient and if needs be would get a taxi home. My outlook is: we never own our children and therefore should never ask, need or expect anything from them.

Best wishes for your op, and a speedy recovery.

I'm widowed and dread any type of op where I'd need my son's help, he lives an hour away and I know he'd probably not be able to come. I feel a need to be looked after when I'm scared, and sadly have no-one to rely on but myself. My aunt on the Isle of Wight recently had a cataract op and a kind neighbour accompanied her to the hospital.

Take it easy.

xx

Anne
I do not currently have your problem (other ones) but my reaction would be precisely the same as yours so l fully understand where you are coming from.
All l can say is the less we expect from people the more hopefully they will give to them and hopefully there conscience will kick in if we don't pressurise them. Your son loves you.

I will check in with you myself here on Saturday and see that you are ok. Cannot do much but l will be thinking of you Anne.
Very best. Dawn xx

Should read
give to us

Speedy recovery Anne. You are just very anxious about your op and every little thing is magnified.
I had an operation on my breast 2 years ago. My daughter was great......took me in for the op and picked me up. One son and daughterinlaw brought me some food for the evening I was discharged....the other son was working away, but his wife didn't visit. I didn't mind, because she has two little ones. If I thought about it, I could have got offended, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. That's the best way....you don't give yourself a chance to get hurt.
All the best for tomorrow xx

Good luck. With op. Our hospital has a voluntary group of helpers who can accompany someone alone . Maybe you could check this out at your particular hospital for future visits

I had a hospital appointment that I was worried about. We checked my DC's shifts and they were not working at the time of the appointment, having finished 4 or 5 hours before the time.
I was babysitting/childminding DC's child, my DGC, 3 or 4 days a week. I was always on time and did not object to any arrangement such as go miles to collect DGC and take them to their house or my house.
The time to leave for the appointment came but no DC. I went alone, thinking myself so brave. After the procedure, I was a shaking wreck. I had to call a friend to collect me. The problem is that my friend had seen how much babysitting I did and also had seen my being unreasonably shouted at and so had a bad impression of my DC.
I was expected to babysit/childmind the next day but I said I could not because of the after effects. That led to a riot of nasty messages!
Surely family should try to help each other.

Good luck for tomorrow and best wishes for a speedy recovery. As your son was going to collect you last week, I am sure he would have done so this week if he could.

What's wrong with being oversensitive and overthinking at this time?

You're under a great deal of strain, exacerbated by the delay in your operation and all the messing about, albeit that the hospital clearly had no choice.

If that isn't stress I don't know what is . You're entitled to feel a bit vulnerable.

By the time you read this, your operation will, I hope, be all over and you'll be relaxing in the tender care of the cardio ward staff.

Take it easy when you get home and I hope it gives you a new lease on life.

Anne, I'm so sorry you have to have this procedure and wish you a speedy recovery! I agree with PPs that DS can't help the fact that he can't change his work schedule on such short notice, but also agree with those who say you're sensitive about it b/c you're feeling vulnerable. I'm sure once all this is behind you, you'll see things in a much better light.

It's lovely that DS and family live right across the street! I get the impression, however, that you feel that should mean you can just pop in any time you like. Not necessarily though - some people hate drop-ins! I know I do. Perhaps you're ok with them, but DS/DIL might not be. I don't think it's any worse to have to make a date to see them when they live so close than it would be if they lived at a distance. Please just enjoy the time with them that you do get.

Meanwhile, I also feel for everyone else here who has been through this kind of operation or had to see a loved one through it...

People can't always make arrangements to suit you. While I sympathise with you, I also understand how difficult life can be when you have a family and unwell parents. Sometimes I have spread myself too thin, trying to please and be helpful.

Can you not get a taxi, or ask if there's an ambulance service?

I can understand your original disappointment, but it seems to be resolved, thankfully.
I expect you are anxious about the treatment you are about to have, this is natural, and things may seem worse, but your Son is off on Saturday,and I am sure he will willingly pick you up from Hospital after you have had a good nights rest.Good Luck with the op.

Hi Anne
I do really hope you got over your procedure well and that your transport problem was sorted out. Thinking of you and hoping you are doing well and on the mend.
Very best from Dawn

Sorry l see it is BBC Northern Ireland if anyone has that.
Dawn

Although most employers are compassionate, still leave can be difficult. DD had a job where there was a statutory duty on her employer to provide a certain level of service and leave was strictly controlled and had to be booked well in advance and while I am sure they would have given leaveno matter what, if either of us was rushed to hospital and at death's door, but unplanned leave to do a hospital run, when that day's leave was all taken up by others, would have been very doubtful.

I love visiters, but expect them to give notice they want to call in, whether children or more distant relations.

I cannot understand family like this when my mum was ill who died last March i gave up work to be with her
Before she was ill i rang her every day ment out with her once a week and visted 2 to 3 times a week
Blood is thicker than water my mom always came first perhaps because i really loved her and she love me

I like your post Houndi.

Here's the thing. The son has a wife and children. They need to come first. If he takes unauthorized leave he could lose his job. Then he can't provide for them.

He took what time off he could.

Houndi a mother is a special person. We all saw our mum as often as possible. I would give anything to have her back. We were both fortunate to have a good relationship, not everyone is. But a lot of people may regret in the future not giving their mum more time and attention.

Houndi, some people simply cannot do that. This son has a wife and children are they to be made to live an impoverished life because o fhis devotion to his mother?

The bible sums it up succinctly Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. His family come first.

Families also work differently. Some, often those who have lived close to each other all their lives, will have a pattern of frequent visits and unarranged calls, but others where families are more spread out and have moved around find ways of being close that do not involve constant visits and regular care.

Every family works out its own way of working. Not being at a parents's beck and call and not giving up a job and possibly a career does not mean that you care any less for your parents than anyone who can manage this level of care.

"Made to live an impoverished life"! Because of taking one unauthorised day off to get his mum from hospital.

Don't be daft.

And what about "Honour thy father and thy mother"? That's in the bible too.

And I doubt if Jesus meant an adult child should never put themselves out to help their old mum when she really needed it.