Over sensitive?

..."pick you up...!"

I can't quite believe that this thread has got to the OPs son losing his job, leading an impoverished life or giving up his job to look after his mother! The poor bloke just couldn't pick his mum up from hospital one Friday. Unfortunately the OP does not know why, a piece of information that might have helped her to not feel hurt!

Anne you are understandably feeling sensitive and vulnerable. I hope your op goes ok. Maybe have a chat with your son re why he couldn't puck you up if it still worries you. I personally wouldn't if it was me , I would just let it pas and thank hm for what he does do.

Houndi, How lovely that you were in a place of privilege that you were able to do that. Not everyone can.

It sounds Like the sun in the situation had had the previous Friday off when the operation was originally planned. He tried. Things changed, and he burned a vacation day, and now he couldn’t use another. These things happen. I see no evidence at all that he is a neglectful person to his mother.

Anne, I hope all went as it should and that you are feeling well.

I m sorry your having to have an op Anne and can understand your apprehension it might be routine but must still be very scary
I understand you being disappointed I know my daughter who lives nearest me wouldn’t let me go to an op alone however busy she was. And she would insist I stayed the first night at hers If he has three days off now couldn’t he try to change one to Friday
I couldn’t have let my Mum (or Dad) go for an op alone
Not sure how one pick up after an op equates to being at a mums beck and call

Everyone can't give up work to look after a parent. It's just not practical. And for some it's not a sacrifice at all. But some do less than they could.

We must agree to differ.

I don't think Houndi inferred that at all Monica. I think she was simply describing her own situation.

Here's the thing: that one unauthorised day off is considered, by some employers, to be an abandonment of the job. Meaning the son loses his job. Meaning it's going to be difficult for him to get a reference as he is seen as being unreliable. Meaning his family suffer.

Gonegirl That is not what I said. Houndi said how she gave up her job to look after her mother and inferred that is what the son should be prepared to do if that should become necessary. I was pointing out that that would lead to his family living an impoverished life.

And I doubt if Jesus meant an adult child should never put themselves out to help their old mum when she really needed it.

And what about "Honour thy father and thy mother"? That's in the bible too.

"Made to live an impoverished life"! Because of taking one unauthorised day off to get his mum from hospital.

Don't be daft.

Houndi, some people simply cannot do that. This son has a wife and children are they to be made to live an impoverished life because o fhis devotion to his mother?

The bible sums it up succinctly Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. His family come first.

Families also work differently. Some, often those who have lived close to each other all their lives, will have a pattern of frequent visits and unarranged calls, but others where families are more spread out and have moved around find ways of being close that do not involve constant visits and regular care.

Every family works out its own way of working. Not being at a parents's beck and call and not giving up a job and possibly a career does not mean that you care any less for your parents than anyone who can manage this level of care.

Houndi a mother is a special person. We all saw our mum as often as possible. I would give anything to have her back. We were both fortunate to have a good relationship, not everyone is. But a lot of people may regret in the future not giving their mum more time and attention.

Here's the thing. The son has a wife and children. They need to come first. If he takes unauthorized leave he could lose his job. Then he can't provide for them.

He took what time off he could.

I like your post Houndi.

I cannot understand family like this when my mum was ill who died last March i gave up work to be with her
Before she was ill i rang her every day ment out with her once a week and visted 2 to 3 times a week
Blood is thicker than water my mom always came first perhaps because i really loved her and she love me

Although most employers are compassionate, still leave can be difficult. DD had a job where there was a statutory duty on her employer to provide a certain level of service and leave was strictly controlled and had to be booked well in advance and while I am sure they would have given leaveno matter what, if either of us was rushed to hospital and at death's door, but unplanned leave to do a hospital run, when that day's leave was all taken up by others, would have been very doubtful.

I love visiters, but expect them to give notice they want to call in, whether children or more distant relations.

Sorry l see it is BBC Northern Ireland if anyone has that.
Dawn

Hi Anne
I do really hope you got over your procedure well and that your transport problem was sorted out. Thinking of you and hoping you are doing well and on the mend.
Very best from Dawn

I can understand your original disappointment, but it seems to be resolved, thankfully.
I expect you are anxious about the treatment you are about to have, this is natural, and things may seem worse, but your Son is off on Saturday,and I am sure he will willingly pick you up from Hospital after you have had a good nights rest.Good Luck with the op.

People can't always make arrangements to suit you. While I sympathise with you, I also understand how difficult life can be when you have a family and unwell parents. Sometimes I have spread myself too thin, trying to please and be helpful.

Can you not get a taxi, or ask if there's an ambulance service?

Anne, I'm so sorry you have to have this procedure and wish you a speedy recovery! I agree with PPs that DS can't help the fact that he can't change his work schedule on such short notice, but also agree with those who say you're sensitive about it b/c you're feeling vulnerable. I'm sure once all this is behind you, you'll see things in a much better light.

It's lovely that DS and family live right across the street! I get the impression, however, that you feel that should mean you can just pop in any time you like. Not necessarily though - some people hate drop-ins! I know I do. Perhaps you're ok with them, but DS/DIL might not be. I don't think it's any worse to have to make a date to see them when they live so close than it would be if they lived at a distance. Please just enjoy the time with them that you do get.

Meanwhile, I also feel for everyone else here who has been through this kind of operation or had to see a loved one through it...

What's wrong with being oversensitive and overthinking at this time?

You're under a great deal of strain, exacerbated by the delay in your operation and all the messing about, albeit that the hospital clearly had no choice.

If that isn't stress I don't know what is . You're entitled to feel a bit vulnerable.

By the time you read this, your operation will, I hope, be all over and you'll be relaxing in the tender care of the cardio ward staff.

Take it easy when you get home and I hope it gives you a new lease on life.

Good luck for tomorrow and best wishes for a speedy recovery. As your son was going to collect you last week, I am sure he would have done so this week if he could.