I really, really need advice please. Get a cuppa, this is a long one.
I met my ex husband when I was 23. I fell hook, line and knickers for him.I dropped everything for him. It turned out that he was a manic depressive and an alcoholic. He hasn't worked in all the time I have known him: we are 58.
I have had quite a successful career, ending up as Deputy Head of a school. I raised our three children and kept a home going for them, even though it was tough with their father either drunk or in and out of institutions for his mental health or his addictions. They definitely suffered as a result.
Fast forward to now. I still teach and examine and am a temporary houseparent at a school which has a flat with the job. I stay in the flat during the week and go home for holidays and days off. I lose this facility at the end of the summer term.
Over the Bank Holiday, my daughter was 27. All the family met for a picnic which was lovely...except I couldn't go as I had to be in school...too long and boring and smelly drain related to go into! I agreed for my ex to stay in the house so he could celebrate with the family.....he is still there!
I messaged my daughter last night who got really nasty with me when I asked her to tell her father to leave. She says it isn't her responsibility. My son said very much the
same: too busy etc to tackle their dad. I believe, as adults, they have to take responsibility for their dad if he won't as I am not involved anymore. We haven't lived together for years!!!
May I point out that neither of my kids, nor their partners pay to live in my house. My son is off travelling and then to Uni soon, but my daughter and her partner live their full time. My ex shares a squalid flat with a friend of his. He also has a camper van which is off the road atm, which he travels round in and 'shoots the breeze'!!!!!!!!!!!!
I always end up being the bad guy. I have tried to explain to my kids that having their dad around churns me up and makes me feel ill with anxiety.
I am always the bad guy in any situation. I just want to stay in my flat at school and never go home because I feel so disenfranchised. I feel so weak and then so guilty at the same time. I just don't know what to do.
Please be gentle! I know I sound like a complete doofas and I deserve a metaphorical kick up the bum but am very fragile today!!
Do I need to like them all? - son's wives
Telling a child 'no' - parenting
She thinks he has a problem - alcohol