I think I should really consider leaving

Cas58, you go girl. The next chapter of your life is waiting to be written. ????

Thank you all again and again. I've already started requesting information on places. Closer to work, and I WILL keep this job. It's going to put me about 20 miles away from him, another city altogether. I'm actually quite excited about it now. Things may be tight for a while, and, yes I've rented before and I'm ok with that. Before all this I lived alone, I did get lonely, but I was happy. No family here, all in Canada (son in Japan & he backs me on this, good lad) so I am alone. sigh. Very very good friends though. Still I wish my mom was here. I.AM.ALRIGHT.
Love to all of you. x

I should say no sex with you not no. sorry. x

Taking Viagra yet no sex with no. Come on - wake up and take whatever you can get, then get out. Let us know how you get on.

Run like hell!! Just what is stopping you. Once you get to the spare bedroom then the next step is out the bloody door! Come on girl, we women should be strong. You have rented before and it will work for you again. Let him stuff his debt where the sun doesnt shine. He is just a sly little weasel and should be kicked in the nuts. x

Joyfulnanna's comment is good..... don't pay any more rent.

Take his offer of the money as you'll need it for a deposit and agree not to pay him rent till August. Hold your head high..and plan for your leaving date.

Listen, some people just don't click, you need not be embarrassed.

you can do better leave him to his ex find yourself a man who will love you

Rejection hurts, especially for such a strange reason. He was looking for an excuse. He's an adult yet needed a comment from your friend to make up his mind? Hardly seems likely. Just when was he going to tell you?

There's a life out there waiting for you to catch up and people who welcome someone who's friendly and gets on with people. Think about going sooner rather than later and don't spend time in a house where you're not welcome. Hugs! Be brave!

Thanks for sharing, cas! My heart aches for yours! No need to be embarrassed though. You've done nothing wrong that I can see.

I might be a little mad at that "friend" for talking like that behind your back. Maybe she was trying to give your bloke a compliment. IDK. But, IMO, this is just a lame excuse on his part. I don't believe anyone falls out of love b/c of one comment from a 3rd party.

Sorry you're hurting, but glad you're leaving andit's all out in the open. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but once you're out, I'm sure life will get much better.

Lots of hugs!

Today we're working on our allotment and when we stopped for lunch he said, if you want to go I'll give you £1500 and help you move or you stay and like we are now and he will reduce my rent to £350 from the ££415 I pay now. Said I'll think about it. I was stunned and needed to think. So later this afternoon after all the others in the allotment left and I'd had time to think I asked him what did I do for him to not love me anymore when he used to. He said last year around March we had dinner with my friends, married couple, because I wanted them to meet him. I was so excited. Apparently when I went to the bathroom my friend said she was glad he'd met me because I can be quite full on. Meaning I should calm down now (I'd been single for about 15 years). I said so you've listened to someone and decided not to like me anymore!! He said no, but, well he said you'll talk to anyone.....I said what? I'm friendly, sociable and you don't love me for that? No, well he says then I said so you want the quiet demur type then. He says if your referring to my ex, I said no, but since you brought it up.... He said I'm not sure how to say this, just say it, you're not my type! WTF!! So for the pasty 18 months you've been stringing me along! He said well you've been stringing yourself. NO I HAVE NOT AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL. You lied to me. Then I packed up and we came home. I can hardly speak to him. how why what the hell. I told him I'll be out by August. That'll give me time in my new job and to save more so hopefully I'll get out of here with a couple of thousand under my belt.
I am so heartbroken. I know I will be fine. I'm so embarrassed.

So you have your own room and you pay rent. That's a lodger in my book.

Sex need not be limited to relationships that are also companionate relationships. Cas58 might have two relationships, a sexual one and a companionate one.

Or she might also have casual sex when she so chooses with someone other than the man she lives with.

It's a myth that sex must be limited to marriage or a romantic relationship .

From what you say cas58 this relationship is not working as a "couple like" relationship for either of you. Can you adjust your view and expectations of the relationship to be more that of the lodger he appears to see you as and make your plans to leave? Is there another bedroom you could move to in the meantime?

This man clearly does not want to be in a relationship with you and probably doesn't know how to deal with how things have developed. The meet ups with his ex may be partly a way to get out of the house for a while - a great avoidance strategy. You had only known each other for a very short time when you moved in together and it was probably far too early in the relationship to do that. We all make mistakes, the important thing is to recognise that we have got it wrong, learn from it and move on.

Obviously you need to have some money and job security to enable you to find your own place and will need a little time to do that. Definitely time to be planning your exit. Good luck.

There doesn't seem to be much going for you in this relationship - and, apart from the fact that he appears to be misleading you with regard to his relationship with his ex - if he is irresponsible with money you may be at financial risk too.

I think I would cut and run as soon as practically possible.

Oh God, get out for your own sanity. He's a lost cause.

Well he is taking the viagra, but not using it with me. I don't think he is sleeping with anyone, but who knows. I know he looked at porn and when I confronted him he blatantly lied to my face. So I know he has desires for sex. I guess just not for me. I suggested we look together and have some fun. nothing.....

Maybe he said "lodger" to better explain his financial arrangement with you. That would be harmless enough surely? Financially you are his lodger which seems a sensible arrangement.

I had a similar arrangement with a man who financially was my lodger (or paying guest) until he died and who before and after he He stopped the lover role when he no longer wanted it. Taking care of yourself, cas58, need not imply doing anything rash regarding the relationship.

I urge you to take a step back from your expectations. You wonder if he is exploiting your good nature and I do understand how you think this might be so. So far I see no confirmation that this is so. You can be prudent and at the same time preserve a relationship perhaps a different sort of relationship.

Men are notorious for not being able to explain their feelings. His taking viagra may indicate that he wants to please you.

If it were just a matter of his being more into the hobbies you two share than into sex and physical intimacy, I might say, think it over. I might suggest he's sensitive about his loss of libido and need to take Viagra.

But he still seems hung up on his X and that's not good for you. And he told her you were his "lodger?" Yes, it's time to go. If it can't be till August, then, ok, August. But IMO, sooner would be better.

And who knows? Maybe if you do, he'll realize what he has given up and change his attitude (don't hold your breath though).

"I think it's time for me to go."

Yes,

PS is his " bigger tum" a sign of something seriously wrong with his health?

He seems to want your companionship but you want a sexual relationship too. I do feel sorry for a man who feels he has to take viagra. I bet he doesn't want sex with his former wife either, or with anyone else. Maybe his former wife is good company because she doesn't expect sex. Flirting is not sex.

Whatever you decide make sure that your money is securely yours!

It is very odd, but as has been said there does not seem to be much of relationship going on here, more a friendship. I would save as much as you can, relax as much as you can, and stick with your exit plan. Sometimes things don't work out, but you did give it a go. Nothing ventured as they say.

Looks like he's treating you like the lodger. Squirrel away everything you can from work and use it for rent for a new place, as to me it looks like he is using you to help him pay his way. You deserve more. Find your own place ASAP and leave him to speak with his ex. I hope you can do this soon, don’t tell him just save and go.

I also think it's time to go, and I think you realise that also, as soon as you are able , get out of there and don't look back, leave him to his ex