Adult Children

We only have one child, our daughter. She is hard working, a great mother, and, despite some problems of her own, has made a good life for her family. The only downside for me is that we rarely do anything together and she doesn't seem remotely interested in our lives. I assumed that having a daughter, we would be close. Never mind.

I have 2 daughters----chalk and cheese !
One ( Mrs Bucket ) lives in Oz and the other ( Daisy, of Daisy and Onslow ) who lives quite near but I rarely see her because of work commitments.
Both will be together when the Oz one visits next month.
Reminds me of the film " Pat and Margaret ", so should be interesting ! Can't believe that two sisters can be so different.
KatyK I can relate between your daughter and the one who lives near me too in that she's a hard worker and who has had problems which unfortunately are on-going and she can be quite " deep " about them which at times when I do see her doesn't make for a comfortable conversation when she won't open up, but I've learned not to delve too deeply.

However, both are likeable characters in their own way and I'd miss them deeply if they weren't in my life.

Oh Ellan, sounds a bit like my daughters, but my little Daisy had everything going for her, and threw it all away! Seems happy though, and I guess that’s what counts
Her sister is so different, it’s hard to believe they’re related! But all makes for an interesting life!

I love my four ACs without question.

They are different in looks and temperament/disposition. I am very proud of them too. They have worked hard, have good jobs and get on well together (whenever they see each other.)

If I have a gripe it's a selfish one. They seem to assume that I am OK. In truth, I don't want them worrying about me, but they are not very communicative or loving - or open. I may have engendered that in them. They tell me so little. We have general family banter on our family Whatsapp group but they are not forthcoming about what is going on in their lives. I like to know what they are up to, but it's their business I suppose. They say no news is good news but in my case I can worry myself sick imagining things!

They've got good hearts, and that's what matters.

Yes, I Love both my adult children , and I also admire and like them very much. They are very different but they have both done wonderful things in their lives. They also make it very clear that they love AND like me a lot !

Yes Ellan that could be me talking. I have done everything humanely possible to help my DD. Of course I have. She is my child. She rarely tells me anything. She doesn't have to of course. Sometimes it's difficult
I am a born worrier so I think she doesn't want to burden me with stuff. She is very much a 'get on with it' type and rarely complains.

I think it says a lot about someone to assume that people who like and love their children and have a great relationship are “suspicious”. You might as well call them liars.

Your jealousy is very very visible, you might want to think on why you need to be nasty about it.

I have been watching this tread with interest wondering whether or not to wade in... or leave posters to it to explore the issue in "safety".... so please dont take this as any sort of attack or projection on any individual poster who has been insightful enough to realise/admit that they dont like their children...

I was loved but not liked by a parent. A few thoughts:

- though they would swear otherwise, I dont think they do love me. I think that what they call loving me is more of a biological compulsion/draw to be around me, even though they dont enjoy my company. I have been lucky enough to have been loved, properly, for who I actually am to know the difference, and love doesnt/shouldnt hurt like that. The more they want to be around me whilst being disappointed in who I am, the more rejected and not loved I felt.

It is a self fulfilling prophecy: if someone is around you and they are disappointed in who you are, it naturally does not bring out the best in you. I am never relaxed around them, this leads to dynamics that they feel justifies the things they think they dont like about me. But it is not me being "myself" because how can I be, they dont like me, myself! They have developed sort of surrogate parental relationships with a couple of women similar to my age who are clearly to me the types of daughters they wished they had in me, and if they had been as nice to ME as they are to them..... well maybe our relationship wouldnt have been the self fulfilling disappointment to them that it has been....

And thirdly. Nothing suspicous about people who say they have happy families.

My parent thinks all families are like ours and not liking me but still wanting to spend time with me and calling that "love" is just normal family dynamics. But I have had enough love from other sources to know that you dont love the idea of someone, you only love someone if you love who they actually are. And those kinds of families and relationships do exist.

P.s. loving someone doesnt mean you always like everything they do. But it does mean liking who they are, otherwise its not love its something else: co-dependancy, biological urge/need etc. Not love

^ There is examples of both on this tread

You can love people who drive you barmy at times. Thats normal and well within the boundaries of a loving relationship so long as you do actually likd and enjoy their company too.

I tried to love all three of mine equally but they didnt see it that way. My youngest son came along when the eldest son was 18 and he has always been jealous of him. Then my daughter was 16, oh well, she was jealous of the youngest as well. I've tried to be close to her but we havent spoke in 4 years and it isn't looking good at the moment. I have phoned, text and emailed and she just ignores them all and I don't know just what I have done. I get to see my daughters kids through her ex husband. I like/love the two lads but my daughter wont let me like/love her. One day.....

I think we are getting a bit too serious about this, I don’t think we are saying we dislike our children, just some aspects of their behaviour, or some of their personality traits, mostly I like my eldest daughter very much, enjoy her company, and we have a real laugh together, but I find her over sensitive, and over emotional, she in turn, thinks I have a tendency to be hard and unsympathetic.

Surely this is normal? Just part of family life

Some posters are saying that Sara. And yes that is normal

Other posters dont like the people their children are. Which is very different from liking them but disliking some if their behaviours.

And there are parents who just plain dont like their kids. Personality clash sometimes... other times a missmatch of expectations/hopes.... probably mostly some sort of combination of both?

I love and like both my children. I also admire and respect them.

They are both very different, but I share iterests with both and we have days out together or chat and share information on these share interests. But neither of them is perfect and neither am I and as in any relationship, there are times when we rub each other up the wrong way.

All very insightful and interesting posts.

I spend more time with my GC than my AC but when I do see them the bottom line is I generally feel the same as MOnica's post above.

Its good to chat with them - I never see them together always separately - and we are all quite similar with similar opinions and its always good to chat with young people anyway - I think as they're often quite refreshing with new ideas - but yes, there are times when we rub each other up the wrong way and with the one with wife and children I have to zip up my mouth as many others have said on this thread and I know to be very common amongst us, which is why I asked the second question...

"Do you ever get fed up with keeping your mouth shut and having to pretend you've never changed a nappy etc. when mum shows to how to spread cream on baby's bottom?"

This actually happened to me when first GS was born but it wasn't DIL who showed me how to change his nappy but DIL'S mother! Grrrrrrrrrr.

GS is 5 now but I will NEVER forget that incident...

Do any of you have stories like this one to share?

I love and like my daughter. She is good, kind and caring - having given twenty years to the N.H.S. She treats all of patients with respect, they being homeless or addicts. She raises a lot of money for charity, is a fantastic single mother, adores her parents and her cat! ?

I have 3 DDs , I love and like them all . As a family we spend quite a lot of time together.
Of course we don’t all agree on everything but we discuss things and are happy to agree to disagree. We are all there for each other in good times and bad.
I feel loved by them and it makes me very happy that they often include me in outings separately or with all three of them.
When I read some of the problems people on here have with their families I feel so sad for them and I know how lucky I am.

Agree Ginny

I love all three, I mostly like all three but and it is a very big but I often don’t like or approve of what they do, think or say. Unless it seriously affects me I keep stum, after all they aren’t clones of me or their father and have their own personalities and opinions and rightly so.

showergel your posts are really bloody nasty aren’t they? No wonder you have problems with relationships with you dc. Fortunately some of us are much more emotionally intelligent and mature,


The Gransnet administration allows swearing because apparently we are all grown up.
The above is clearly a prime example.

You will probably not believe me but I love and like both my AC. They are both different but very kind and caring. When I was diagnosed with cancer they showed how much they care for me too. I have to say they are my favourite people and I would rather spend time with them than anybody else I know.

Have lost sight of whether I love them or not after being told to ++++ off by all 3. They tell people I'm dead, so I think I am now, as far as they are concerned after 10 years. Quite liberating really, but when their current source of income dries up, I hope they remember there are no pockets in a shroud.

They have opinions I don't like and sometimes behaviour I don't like. Often watching them make mistakes I made myself is hardest. However I love and like them, I enjoy time with them. If we upset each other we talk it through. Sometimes perspectives change and sometimes not and that's OK. We are different people, I didn't want carbon copies of myself.