The Second DIL (and Third, Etc.)

I think its fine there are people in my family that have stayed close to ex in laws despite later marraiges, and I have a few rellies that arent rellies at all, they are either ex relations in laws or sort of blended family connections...

Its fine but never compare. A new DIL wont want to hear all about the BEAUTIFUL card your ex DIL sent, no matter how mature and tolerant thr new DIL is! Keep your attention firmly on the one you are spending time with and it shouldnt cause problems

Depends whose expectations you're thinking about. The son probably prefers the mother to like the current DIL best. But in fact what usually happens is the women decide for themselves who they get on with best.

Yes thats true. Some people are very close to their own families and dont really see inlaws as family no matter how well they get on.

I am of the view that family is more nurture than nature, and as such am closer to some in laws than I am to some of my own family!

Its okay to naturally hit it off with some more than others but there is no need really for it to be blatent!

My son had two long term relationships prior to his wife (she was his first long term relationship years earlier)
When his now wife and he spilt up about 12 years ago I was devastated. We had thought she would be his wife and we found it difficult to connect with subsequent girlfriends
The other two long term girls I became close to one and their split up was quite acrimonious, the 2nd one I didn't become close to and again the split was acrimonious (definitely my son's fault)
Then my now daughter in law came back on the scene
Regardless of what happens with them , hopefully happy long marriage , she is the mother of my grandchild and I will always (hopefully) be pleasant with her
On a slightly side note my first mother in law had 5 husbands I came along when she was on her third and he would have been the only one my son would have could grandpa however he died
1st husband divorced
2nd husband divorced
3rd husband died
4th husband divorced
5th husband divorced

Had a similar situation with our son terry, he was with the same girl for years, they were both very young, she was only 16, when they got together, and she was completely absorbed into our family, we all loved her, and assumed they would eventually get married, she was a bit on the conventional side.

Then one day my son announced it was all over, no reasons or explanations, never saw her again, which was really sad, like losing a daughter!

I think the point is, we all loved her, but she never made contact with any of us again, I’m sure she had her reasons, but we were really sad about it.

Surely it’s dependent on whether there are Grandchildren. Can be difficult if they are included , this must be guided by the son or daughter concerned.

Pretty soon we're going to need a codebreaker to decipher all these silly abbreviations.

Starlady I don't think anyone has the right (not even a son) to tell a Mom whom to like and associate with and this includes his ex if she and Mom were close.

You simply cannot cut people off, or out of your life just because your son or daughter has decided their partner is no longer part of theirs.

Even if the son has several partners and they all get on with his Mom, I don't see any reason why they should not be friendly. Just don't have them all in the same room!

And emotional blackmail such as 'you should be loyal to me, your son' deserves a quick slap round the ears.

Ditzy, click on Acronyms, above, and you'll find a list of many of the acronyms and abbreviations.

Sunny, are you talking about if, say, the XDIL is the mother of one's GC? Or about if say, one has GC with the new DIL?

What if one has GC with both?

"You simply cannot cut people off, or out of your life just because your son or daughter has decided their partner is no longer part of theirs."

IMO, Bradsford, this is the aspect of divorce that many people fail to anticipate, the fact that they no longer care for someone doesn't mean other relatives feelings have changed.

"I don't think anyone has the right (not even a son) to tell a Mom whom to like and associate with and this includes his ex if she and Mom were close."

I don't either. But I can understand an AC objecting if XDIL/XSIL cheated on them/broke their heart.