Young mum/old granny

I’m not a granny yet and hopefully at 50 I’ll have a good few years to finish working and enjoy lots of years of no grandkids before they appear - there’s so much DH and I want to do before we get into babysitting etc! I had our first 2 at 28 and 30, and then our third at 38. Many of the women I got to know through that pregnancy were also in the late thirties or early forties, which meant their parents were older grandparents. It will become more common as you say and it’s not such a bad thing - it means that everyone has had a chance to enjoy their freedom before children and grandchildren appear.

It certainly is an issue. We were old mothers if over 25 in the 1970s, now first time mums at 40 and beyond is not unusual.

My dd was mid 30s, my two gcs are very young so doubt I will get to dance at their weddings or even see them settle down and def no chance of being a a great grandparent.

If it makes you feel any better silverlining 47 I have friends who became first time grandparents at 79 and 80. They aren’t expected to do the childcare and school pick up so just enjoy both their new and unexpected little ones.

Congratulations and good wishes.

Hi Silverlining - I've read your post but can't quite make out just what the issue is? People have babies at various ages and for various reasons but I don't see that as an issue particularly (might be for the people concerned if they have problems conceiving, but not for the grandparents?) Or are you suggesting that at 73 you might not be as fit as you are at 52? Some are, some aren't. There isn't any general rule really is there?

Or are you suggesting IF your daughter had got a move on quicker then you may not be living in France? I guess she is having a baby at a time it suits her and quite right too i.m.o. Although it isn't recommended to actually 'plan' pregnancy too late for obvious reasons, many people do.

I am sure you will work round the distance problems one way or another - always solutions to consider.

There are 18 years between my oldest and youngest , I’ve been a very young mum, and a relatively old mum, there is the same between my oldest granddaughter and my youngest, so again, I’ve been a youngish granny, now an older one, all different, but enjoyed them all, and all the ones in between, and who knows? Maybe more to come!

I think the OP is just making the point that its more difficult to help with grandchildren at 72, and that we have retired and made a different life. I can understand how you feel silverlining we retired to France too and are the same age as you but grandchildren are all in their twenties. I really don't know how I would feel if there was another baby on the way.

I was 64 when I became a grandmother and DDiL's mother was 72 like you. Most of my friends of the same age are in the same position. Nowadays when so many of us are going into our 70s in good health and reasonably fit, I do not think our experience is that different from grandparents of younger ages. The only reason I no longer kick a ball about with DGS is because he has a new uncle with 3 sons, all football mad and much better at kickabouts than me.

The other grandma is now in her 80s, but still steps in when emergencies arrise and collects the younger child from school if necessary or cooks supper. The elder child is now in secondary school and walks to and from school by herself. They need supervision still if a parent isn't available, but do not need the hands on care that younger children need.

We live 200 miles away so have less immediate involvement, but we still do the odd bit of DIY and I am currently making curtains for DGD's bedroom.

I was 33 when I had my DD not through choice I might add.
So at 65 my DGC are 10 and 7. I do feel quiet an old grannie. One of my closest friends who is a year younger than me could be a GG 3 or 4 times over.
I did a lot of childcare when GC were babies, including sleep overs. It's not so long ago but I'm so glad I don't have to do that now. There won't be any more GC. I'd love a baby in the family but I wouldn't want to be doing the CC.

Oh Nina, I’m your age, and I regularly have my local grandchildren staying, and in the school holidays can have four or five staying. I love to have them, and they are good children, but I do find it tiring.
We tell them we’re thinking of moving to a one bedroom flat!

Why on earth has GN allowed usernames of Silverlining47 and silverlining48? Particularly confusing when posters respond leaving off the number at the end.

Come on GNHQ, this really should not be happening!

That’s true Bathsheba. Not sure how it happens. Maybe to avoid confusion I should have not responded to this post.

I had my first Dd at 23, second at 26 and third at 30. So, fairly young.
Eldest Dd had her only DS at 24 so I was a Grandmother at 48 and loved it. Now have second DGS who is 3 from DD3 and possibly there will be another. Middle DD has no children as yet.
Now in my mid sixties and still enjoying both DGS. Try not to think about how long I might or might no be around.
What a shame so many seem to be expected to do so much childcare. People ( in general) choose to have children so should also expect to sort out the care of them without imposing on their parents. Looking after Grand children should be on the GPS terms and a pleasure to do.

I agree Ginny, but I’m aware of how fast time races by, and before I know it, my little angels will all be stroppy teenagers, so I try and enjoy them while I can
To be fair, none of the pressure for sleepovers come from their parents, but from them, the cousins like spending time together

ninathenanna "So at 65 my DGC are 10 and 7. I do feel quiet an old grannie". How old do you think a Granny should be who has GC of 10 & 7? Old at 65?? No hope for a lot of us then, may as well give up now!

Maybe to avoid confusion I should have not responded to this post.

No, to avoid confusion GNHQ should find a way to prevent such absurdly similar usernames! Why should you have to avoid threads where the other Silverlining is posting? Crazy!

gosh Nina I'm 65 and dont consider myself an old granny .Mine range from 16 down to 8 with a new arrival due late summer .I spend a lot of time with themMy daughter was born when I was 24 and a half and my son when I was 34 .My daughter had her first at exactly the same age I was when she was born.I think I'm quite young as my granny was in her mid sixties when I was born.I had a fantastic relationship with her and she died when I was 19 .I still talk about her every day.Its the quality of the time you have with them that counts .

I am from a family who do not believe in rushing the good things in life. My grandmother had her first child at 28, my mother at 31, I followed my grandmother and had my first child at 28 and DS was 36 when his DD was born (DDiL was 38). All of us were 60 plus when we became grandparents so I have no experience of young grandparenthood.

Unlike a number of posters I actually enjoy my grandchildren's company the older they get. At 12 and 8 they are rational beings that one can have interesting conversations with and discuss the meaning of the universe or who we think will win the FA Cup final and Ihope to enjoy their conversations even more as we both get older.

My first Grandchild was born when I was 45 and my eighth when I was 68. I have enjoyed them all but have different levels of involvement with them. I can’t do the same energetic activities that I did with the first ones, but I have much more free time now for the latest ones,

When my first granddaughter was born, my youngest daughter was eight, which meant I felt more like a mummy than a granny, now I am more comfortable in my granny role

I hear you, silverlining47! But another way of looking at this is that there's something "young" about first becoming a GM when other people you know are already GGMs. You're first beginning an experience they've already put behind them. If that doesn't make you feel like a spring chicken, IDK what will, LOL!

Ok, maybe "spring chicken' is an exaggeration. But my point is that you could look at this as if you're having a "younger" experience, and so, perhaps feel younger.

I'm not sure what this has to do w/ your living in France. Are you concerned that you don't live near enough to be an "active GM?"

Regardless, lots of GPs today live far from their GC, and it's not always b/c of age or retirement. Sometimes it's b/c one of the parents got a better job somewhere else, etc. And often, as you may know, the GPs remain in touch via skype, FaceTime, etc.

Also, as you can see, having children later is becoming more and more common. In fact, your DD is a "young mum" compared to some of the first-time mums today.

Wishing her an easy pregnancy and a healthy, happy baby!

My mum is the oldest of 10 children, so I have cousins who are quite young. (Some are younger than my nephews! This is not saying much because there is a bigger age gap between Mum and her siblings than between her siblings and me!) My mum's parents became grandparents quite young - Grandma was only in her early 50s when I was born. Sadly, some of my younger cousins were not able to have all of the experiences that I have had. Grandpa passed away from lung cancer 18 years ago and Grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease a few years back. She now lives in a care facility.

The reality is that some children will have young grandparents and others will have older grandparents. There are benefits and drawbacks to both. Younger grandparents may still be working and have less time to spend with GC but more energy. Older GPs may have more time but less energy and capacity.

Age doesn't matter.

I like your take on it Starlady! What I like about GN is that you get many different perspectives
My post was more an observation than a 'problem'.
BTW I will ask to change my user name.....Silverlining48 was here first although I didn't know that when I registered my name using 47 as my birthyear!

My post was badly worded.
What I was trying to say was I felt old to have GC the age they are, when friends my age have adult GC and in one case 4 GGC
I know there are some very fit, active people who are 65-80+ but sadly I'm not one of them.

I know the feeling. I was 28 when I had my first, dd was 38 and I was 67 when she had her first, followed only 15 months later by no. 2.

I've often wished she'd started 10 years previously, when I'd have had rather more energy*, but of course the time/circumstances just weren't right for her then, and we do count ourselves so very lucky that she managed to squeeze in two lovely babies shortly before hitting 40.

Plenty of her friends have done similar - one had her 2nd at 45.
*Having said that,, at 57 I was very much occupied with a parent with dementia, so I dare say it was for the best anyway.