Why does he do it?

You could check his stuff/car/garage for a second phone.

I wouldn't show your OH any of these comments, but would read them carefully and use the wisdom here to resolve this situation to your satisfaction. It occurs to me that he is the kind of man who would be angry to think you had discussed this with anyone.

Decide how you would like things to change and then make it happen. The choice is then up to you when you see his reaction. Good luck.

How very uncaring and inconsiderate. My dear late husband used to say goodbye before he went to work and brought me a cup of tea. What a miserable so and so. Perhaps give him a taste of his own medicine.

To be honest if I had a husband who went away like this and didn't take his phone I would immediately suspect him of infidelity, tax him with it and then say that it was up to him to prove otherwise.

Since all the evidence you have, him leaving the house without telling you, going away without his phone in any other circumstance would be interepeted as infidelity. And he should be able to see where that was taking you.

In our household, whether it had children, adults teenagers or be of any mix, someone leaving the house lets others know they are going. roughly where they will be and when they will be back.

It might be as simple as I am off to [nearby town] to shop, I will be back for lunch, or even, as DH still works and travels, I am off to Denmark, I will be back tomorrow evening. But anyone walking out of the house without going through this basic safety procedure, would get a rocket when they returned.

He sounds selfish and rude to say the least. Is he really playing golf or up to something else?

Not giving a **you might be concerned etc .

jura, really? Public School Boys with mothers who never worked. DH fits that category entirely, as do my sons. What a huge judgmental leap to make.

Showing H the comments you receive would no doubt fall on stony ground.You are married to 'one' who is only concerned with number 'one' so ask yourself what is the worst can happen should you let him carry on with his self imposed detachment ie ' that you don't appear to exist and he can come and go with out consideration to your feelings and not giving a you might be concerned should he be late coming home'. ?Let him go, don't ask him anything. Silence is golden and hopefully curiosity will eventually get the better of him, and he will not need any asking but will be wondering as to your apparent lack of interest.
Why sit at home worrying where he is ? He is not concerned about your feelings so play him at his own game .

Annodomini maybe his mother was unnecessarily fussy because he was unnecessarily secretive. There are two sides to every equation.

A good question indeed - but perhaps another even more important one is: 'why do you put up with it?'.

Anno- was talking to DD1 when last in the UK, and she said she guessed that is the reason why some men can't cope with women managing them (as she is, of a large number of mainly men) - mostly Public School Boys with mothers who never worked.

Tillybelle ... thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, I have been thro the mill a bit with my choices in men and have learned a few lessons along the way. I’ve not let any of it make me cynical, just very realistic. I have 2 lovely sons who treat their wives with so much love and respect, as they saw how badly I was treated. And my DD also has a good kind man too, so my 3 have all been very lucky in love even if I haven’t ! I just hate unfairness and to see people being abused by others who supposedly love them. ?

What was his mother like? Did she 'manage' him and his father? My ex was similar. He got extremely shirty if I asked him when he would be back and I realised eventually that this went back to his teenage years when his mother was unnecessarily fussy about him and his social life. It also explained why he didn't like women 'managing' him at work. He has been my ex for many years.

Flaming rude ! Where does he go to . . . Has he another family ?

Organise a night away, Brighton or Bristol...somewhere you like...go to the theatre...have a meal...turn your phone off....when you return look askance at any confusion shown by your husband. Organise friends over for lunch on a day you are pretty sure he is home....he doesn’t get included. If he shows anger or is surprised and put out he cares.....if he doesn’t notice...you have a real problem.

GrandmaKT, you say he's a good guy and he'd do anything for anyone? Why won't he do this simple thing for you, then, when it'd be no effort? Clearly your comfort and peace of mind come way, way down on his priorities - definitely below these other people you say he helps. Have you told his friends that he does this to you? What do they say?

If he has always done this even although you objected and with good reason, I am afraid he is not likely to change now.

If this is the only inconsiderate aspect of his behaviour, I imagine you will continue to put up with it.

A lot of people of our generation habitually forget to take their phones with them. I know I do and so does DH, so I don't find that strange.

There is an awful lot of over reaction going on here!

'Making plans to leave him', indeed. Have you read the Op's further posts!

I’m going to be blunt - this is totally unacceptable and shows a complete lack of respect for you.
If you have addressed it with him and he continues to behave like this, it is because he knows that he can.
I would be making plans to leave him, and actually do it.

Whatever the reason is it is rude. I once had a husband who did this. I left him. I think he thought it was cool. More worrying I thought it was cool! How bourgeois to have manners blah blah . oh dear.

If my DH wasnt bothered if we never got to eat together, I would wonder if he even liked me.

OPs marraige sounds more like flatmates who dont get along to me

It's strange that he thinks this is a acceptable but maybe he thinks that as he has already told you hid plans albeit some days/weeks before his departure, its OK for him to just go when he's ready. The solution to this, if he doesn't want to say goodbye, is to leave you a note. Put a pad and pen on the worktop, tell him where it is and ask him to jot down when he leaves and when he'll be back. Also contact number in case of emergencies. If he doesn't comply, he's going through the "selfish bastard phase"of his retirement. Don't give it back with both barrels, just realise he doesn't give a damn. Most relationships are imperfect.. Depends whether you are prepared to stay with him.

mine has always been a bit like this ,he does take his phone though in case I need to reach him but apart from that I wouldn't have an issue with him coming and going .My OH once went for a walk at 4 pm and came home at 2am ...I knew where he was because he bumped into our daughter in a local pub and his photos were all over FB .I trust him so I know he's not up to no good and he's spent his life tied to schedules and appointments so its good he has some freedom .I know its not how other people think but I dont have a phone because I dont want to be at everyones beck and call on the very odd occassion I go out without him or one of my AC so I get it .Sometimes friends will call here looking for him and ask where he is ,they are without fail taken aback when I tell them I haven't a clue

Tillybelle the H leaving his phone behind so that she can't contact him was what the OP gave us in her post. She knows him better than we do. That's my starting point.

Given the facts as presented, I was saying I couldn't be married to someone like that, regardless of his reasons, not saying she can't or shouldn't make it work for her.

ReadyMeals
I understand your distress at the horrible behaviour, but I'm not sure about your interpretation that the OP's DH:
deliberately made a point of leaving their phone behind so I couldn't contact them
Has he said he doesn't want her to contact hime? I understand that when playing Golf no mobile phones are allowed to interrupt the players, maybe that is what he is saying. But I think we might be jumping to sinister conclusions too quickly. Because we would never go away without saying goodbye we assume if another does so they must be up to something bad. But he might be one of a small group of people who are so wrapped up in what they are doing - packing, thinking of the route... - they don't feel the detachment from their loved one that going away makes us feel. They may feel as if they are always part of them. I know it is very unusual but I simply think we do not know this man's motives and so we need to keep an open mind.

It is worth him knowing how it looks - that your interpretation is valid - that he is avoiding his wife. He might say that it is not that at all. I think the OP has to have a good discussion with him and maybe use this thread to provide the points for discussion.

Good idea to show hubby this thread as it's not so much the going out bit that is problematic, it is more that he knows you may worry, have plans, want to know roughly where he is going or when he is expecting to be back and able to contact him or leave a message, especially if an emergency cropped up. I think after you told him it upset you he could've shown you a little more consideration, and dare I say some courtesy too! My better half knows I never phone unless it's important, so would not leave his phone at home. He he doesn't always tell me exactly where he is going but will at least say "see you later" or "I'll only be 2-3 hours" etc - if working/out pricing jobs will tell me roughly what area so I can message him if customers/potential customers nearby could save him a trip. He knows I'm stuck here so not going anywhere but he wouldn't intentionally bugger off knowing it would cause stress and worrying would upset me. Hopefully your husband will be a little more considerate in future and learn to at least take his phone with him.