Why does he do it?

Bad manners, no consideration for your feelings, and I also have alarm bells ringing with no phone. Do you actually know where he is in case of an emergency ? I’ve divorced 2 husbands, one a controller, one verbally abusive, so I’ve been treated badly and know exactly what I would do here, play him at his own game. Before he gets back I’d go away for a spa break or a weekend abroad, see how he likes it, not knowing where you are and unable to ring you. I know 2 wrongs don’t make a right however, this is clearly upsetting you so don’t accept it. Any relationship should consist of equal respect and consideration, not all about what he wants.

Book yourself a weekend away and just go without telling him. When you return, if asked, swear blind that you mentioned it.

I have been divorced twice and as soon as I read the post, alarm bells rang. Where is the respect for you as his loving wife? none it appears.

Well, I would give him a dose of what’s sauce for the gander is also good for the goose.
Get yourself booked and off somewhere you really want to go. Don’t tell him, just vanish. Do no shopping, cleaning, ironing, nothing. Just leave him there. See how he likes them apples. I do hope he’s not violent. But really, a little of what you fancy will make you feel better. Ok, so you’re maybe alone stick it out, head up and goforit, just do it. It ain’t going to stop you know.

Very rude behaviour. Not taking his phone is irresponsible, think if he or yourself needed to get in touch,there could be an emergency,has he thought of that!

To me this sounds rude, insensitive and inconsiderate and I would be highly suspicious as to why he leaves his phone. Why does he not want to be contacted ?

Yes! maddyone they sound like identical twins! (although it sounds as if yours has become slightly more considerate over the years).
Like your DH, mine is generally a lovely, kind man. He'd go out of his way to help anyone, is a great father and is very active and intelligent. To answer those who have implied he may be 'playing away', or have a second phone(!) - no way, I trust him 100%. As maddy describes, he is very absent-minded, leaves doors unlocked, forgets appointments and loses things frequently. (He's always been like this).

Thankfully, no, I don't have one like that. Mine is at the other end of the spectrum, very solicitous and we have a thing about always parting with a kiss and 'love you'. On a really negative point, you never know for certain they will come back, and I know people whose partners have died suddenly and deeply regret not saying 'love you' more often or at the very least, the last time they saw their partners. I would point out, in case you think I dwell on the negative aspect, that I don't but my first husband collapsed and died suddenly aged 29, and I wish I'd been there so the last words he heard were 'love you'.

I know this situation, mine frequently goes out without telling me, although I do know he’s going. If I ask him why he doesn’t say goodbye he’ll say that he wouldn’t be long! Because I’ve complained about it for years, he has improved and is more likely to shout ‘Going now’ but not always!
He also frequently leaves the front door open, either when he’s gone out, but more usually on his way back in. Also regularly doesn’t lock up, the back door completely unlocked, and sometimes the front door too! He will never deadlock the doors if he’s leaving alone, but will if I’m with him as I insist or do it myself.
And don’t get me started on mobile phones. He almost never takes his phone with him, never uses it really, only occasionally when he wants to get in touch with someone. The whole family know what he’s like with phones, but he never changes.
However, he’s a good man, will do anything for anyone, adores his family, and has a mountain of good points. So I’m just putting up with his idiosyncrasies.

He sounds completely selfish to me. Why on earth he wouldn’t say goodbye is very odd. I would ask him why he does it and tell him it upsets you that he is so inconsiderate. It’s not very caring or nice behaviour at all.

The cynical and suspicious part of me would have alarm bells going off! You sure he is playing golf etc?

My OH sometimes forgets to tell me he is going out and it’s so embarrassing when people ring and I have to say ‘just a minute I’ll check if he’s in’. It looks as if I am asking if he wants to speak to the person.

When the children were growing up, they were taught to tell me if they were going out, or friends coming in, in case there was an emergency and I had to get everybody out of the house. The same goes for husbands!

oh gosh,, how you can tolerate that is beyond me..
but then we are all different... it would finish me...

I wonder, does he have a second phone? Odd to go away and not have a phone.
I do think it's about male ego. That's he's not at the beck and call of a woman. If otherwise, you get on ok perhaps ignore it.
Or perhaps just show you are pleased when he's back home.

How unkind. It does not show him in a good light. And is passive aggressive bullying. Show him these posts. Indeed return the favour a few times this is not tit for tat but to demonstrate how hurtful this is. It is a beautiful day enjoy the time in your home or garden I would then take myself some where nice garden centre, coffee shopping before he gets back for a few hours.

It became more than mere thoughtlessness when you told him it upset you & he carried on.
On a lighter note, since we acquired a large, inquisitive puppy no one goes anywhere (loo included) without a four legged companion.

I don’t think it’s normal for a man who owns and uses a phone to go out without it unless they occasionally forget My 83 year old friend would never go out without theirs in case of an emergency Either your husband is at best completely thoughtless or at worst doesn’t want you to know where he is going
Is he as rude selfish and thoughtless with his friends I wonder if he says goodbye when he leaves the golf club, I bet I know the answer
I d find a way to retrain him

Do you share a car or have separate cars? If you share a car it would be really good to "bag" the car for a few hours if you had an inkling he was going out.

His behaviour is very rude and cruel. He should take his phone in case he breaks down in the wilds somewhere.

I do not think he would survive very long in this household because basic manners are the norm.

This is one of the things that amazed me about SiL he used to do the same with DD and I couldn't understand it or how she put up with it. So rude, I think.
Funnily enough I mentioned it to her recently and she said she'd never thought anything of it
DH never leaves the house without giving me a peck on the cheek. I admit I don't always do that when I leave but I do make a point of saying 'bye' informing him of where I'm going and a E.T.A. for return. Only good manners in my opinion.

Yes, he has always done this, and I have always played hell about it! (Water off a duck's back). For the past few years he has been retired while I was working, either from home or travelling away. If I was at home his excuse was that he didn't want to disturb me in case I was on the phone. As I am now retired this excuse no longer washes.
I have absolutely no objection to him going out, we like to have our separate activities, but if I am going out, I'll always tell him!
To clarify, Bluebelle, I did know that he was going on holiday that weekend, it's just that he drove off without telling me he was leaving.
So far as the phone thing is concerned, I thought that was pretty normal male behaviour! I know a couple of other men who do the same. He never thinks to take it and if he does pick it up, the battery is invariably dead.

You ask, Why does he do it? Simple answer is because he's got into the habit, but it is extremely odd behaviour, especially the leaving his phone behind. Sorry, but I would want to know more about where he's going and who he's with.

You really should know where he is and how to get in touch should you need to. At the very least he should say goodbye. Anything else is extremely rude and disrespectful. Sorry.

It is rude; especially as he knows you do not like this. Mind you it would be rude anyway!

My husband wouldn't dream of leaving the house without giving me a kiss. I tend to just say goodbye from the door but we always let each other know when we go out and about how long we will be and where we are going.
It is rude to do otherwise.

Inexcusable conduct. Gives us men a bad name.

I really don’t get the, leaving his phone behind thing why? Even if he took it but just checked it once or twice a day keeping it off at other times. What if there is an emergency at home and he’s completely uncontactable I wouldn’t be happy with that.
Good idea to show him this thread.