SIL not accepting of my gay GD

Perhaps the OP was worried about some of the responses she might receive Gabriella and looking at your one and only post on this thread, maybe she was right.

I have to wonder why he OP found it necessary to prefix the statement about her GD being gay, with the descriptions, 'beautiful, intelligent'.
Her perceived intellect and looks have nothing to do with sexual orientation or are they (supposedly) mitigating factors.

Well, if great aunty decides to express her bigotry, then you can cheerfully remind her no one asked for her approval.

Just occurred to me that I failed to mention something. SIL has the beginnings of dementia, and I have to give DB credit for his patience and support. She repeats herself constantly and he never criticizes. He is (as my father was), the most gentle man I have ever known.

To every one of you who wrote to support me in my situation, you will never know how much you have helped me. I think all of us can agree that Daddima hit the nail on the head! I want to add at this point, that I realize some of you were confused with my message. Will clarify: my brother and his wife have 4 daughters, 8 grandchildren, and 4 greats. Hubby and I have 3 children, and 5 grandchildren. Our 18 y.o. Granddaughter is the oldest. My brother is my only sibling. Sister-in-law has always quoted the Bible, and has never hesitated to criticize my Mother (passed in 2005), along with criticizing my brother for things that occurred over 50 years ago. I’ve really had to hold my tongue many times, but with this I will not. I am ready now though thanks to all of you. I will keep you posted!

Daddima, what a great letter..... Have saved this for future reference. Note it is all Levicticus that has these dire warnings. Think time has come for this to be excluded from modern bibles.

Thanks Starlady my adoptive parents were so supportive they didn't let it impact on my life too much. Just goes to show that down the years there have always been people who are prejudiced over one group or another.

MGP s A and C were all D’ s SL
Oh my word how I hate alphabet soup and we moan about the youngsters and text talk, being lazy ?YHAL

Sodapop, so deeply sorry about the behavior of your MGPs, aunt and cousin! It was probably more their loss than yours.

Daddima - LOL! Perfect!

Bravo, Hamalasyno, to you and GD's parents for accepting her sexual orientation so easily. I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to come out to all of you. I agree with PPs (previous posters) that the opinion of a great aunt probably won't mean much to her, especially one who is only related by marriage.

Since you and DB (dear brother) are "very close," though, I imagine that you see/talk to him and SIL often. If so, perhaps you're worried about what she might say to you about GD. I agree w/ the advice to express your love and support for GD and then change the subject. If SIL persists, perhaps let her know her comments are hurtful, as one PP suggested, and, again, and ask her not to bring the issue up anymore. Hopefully, that will be enough to bring the problem, if there is one, to an end.

But maybe you're afraid that she'll make cruel comments to/in front of GD or her parents? Hopefully, she'll know better. But if she does make harsh remarks and you're there, once again, I think you should express your support for GD. Beyond that, no doubt, GD and/or her parents can speak for themselves. If it becomes intolerable, you may have to accept that they cut her out of their lives. But I hope it doesn't come to that.

Perhaps, however, SIL is only concerned with the sexual orientation of her own DC and GC, and won't comment on your GD's sexuality. Also, hopefully, DB will prevail upon her to hold her tongue about homosexuality around you and yours.

But if he doesn't, or if SIL becomes intolerable regardless, you, yourself, may have to push her away and continue your relationship w/ DB separately, if that's possible. Surely, you don't like that idea, and I don't blame you. But your "job" here, IMO, is to support GD, even if you, eventually, have to distance SIL. Once more, of course, I hope it doesn't come to that and SIL behaves reasonably and kindly.

Either way, please let us know how it goes.

I don't really understand why this has to be declared.
Did the straight members of the family make similar announcements?
She's gay, so what?

But if you fear the volcano which is sil, before any unveiling of the abomination, give sil a text (the old-fashioned Bible kind) and ask her if she agrees wholeheartedly with it.
It says:
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

One could, in all sincerity add 'gay or straight' and not alter the spirit of Galatians 3:28

Sadly, your lovely girl is going to come across many bigots, probably far more hurtful than your sil. If she has your support and that of the rainbow community, she will eventually learn to cope. It's not an easy life but it can be a very happy one.

Daddima

When I read SIL I thought at first that this meant son-in-law, ie your DGD's father, but this is her aunt by marriage.
Unless they have been extremely close then I would not worry about this unduly and in fact your sister-in-law may become more enlightened and accepting than you think.

We were all very worried about a young friend whom we knew was gay because his father was extremely homophobic before his son told him - he is now accepting and happy for his son who has found a lovely partner.

Seriously, who tells their C and GC not to come how with someone of the same sex? Like, why would someone be even saying this.
Anyhow, all was good whilst she assumed she was straight and now she’s not...well I’d tell her to take a running jump!

Leave it alone.
You are accepting of your granddaughter; if her great aunt is not, (and it hasn't happened yet), don't be outraged by her reaction, simply say, it doesn't matter to you and you are simply glad your grandchild is happy..
She may be genuinely horrified, because during our lifetimes homosexuality was illegal, and some people haven't yet come to terms with it. Like most people, once they are confronted with in their own family they realise it is no big deal.

Hamalasyno, I have been thinking about this. Your SIL must be aunt-by-marriage to one of your GD's parents, and thus a great-aunt-by-marriage to your GD. This is not the closest of relationships, and since GD is both old enough and mature enough to let her parents and you know she is gay, she is unlikely to be very concerned that your brother's wife holds archaic views. I imagine she will decide not to bother much with the silly old bat - or however she characterises her.

You are worrying about how you will cope with the things your SIL may say. To show her that you recognise she is entitled to different views from yours, but not to use them to make you unhappy, could you bring yourself to say something on the lines of 'You and I have different ideas about these things. I love and respect [use GD's name]. She is an adult and has thought about this. Hearing you say things like that about her makes me very upset. Please stop. Let's talk about something else.' Refuse to be drawn into arguments. The 'stuck record' technique can be very effective - you stay calm, and repeat what you have said as often as it takes to get the message across. 'You are making me upset. Please stop.'

You may find it helpful to decide on a form of words and practice them beforehand. What you are doing is showing your SIL that you support GD, that you are not rising to bait, but this is absolutely NOT an acceptable topic for discussion between you.

Daddima that is wonderful I may well quote that to some of my Northern Irish friends !

I think you have mumofmadboys but don’t worry I had to read the original about three times to get it into context I first of all thought it was about a son in law ?

Well thankfully - if I have got this right - the sis-in-law is relatively peripheral to your DGD's life so she can go take a hike!

If she visits, tell her what you think - that she is wrong, simply wrong.

Welcome your DGD with open arms and just ignore this bigoted woman.

I think I have definitely got it all wrong!!!

Isn't the SIL( sister in law) the mum of the 18 year old or have I got it all wrong?

I m confused who does this 18 year old belong to She’s your granddaughter and it’s your brothers wife you’re concerned about ....a great aunt by marriage so what has her opinion got to do with the price of bread ?
Are the 18 year old’s parents accepting ? Her gran and grandad (as you say we) are accepting Her great uncle will be accepting so what’s to worry about ?

Daddima Thank you for that!

Why would your SILs views change about her niece surely she has loved her since she was born why should she change her views about her now.Just ignore her and don't let it upset you or your GD in any way.

Lol Daddima very funny!