Relationship Q&A with Relate

Could be, hugshelp, could be.

Also, I think some of them are really afraid of the arguments that will ensue. And maybe that their parents will point out some upsetting things that they (the AC/CIL) have done, etc. So they try to avoid all that by just "fading away."

To me, that's cowardly. IMO, it would be better to tell the parents what the problem is. One could always end the conversation if they start to argue and one doesn't want to hear it. But Iv never CO family, so, of course, IDK how I'd feel

A friend of mine said, 'if he reconciled with you, who else would he have to blame everything on? Better to make sure that can't happen'
Not sure what I think about that, but I'm pondering it.

My husband and his only sister fell out over the will and its execution 7 years ago when my Father-in-law died. They haven't spoken since. I tried to mediate when it happened and was in email contact with my sister-in-law, whom I'd always got on with. Seemingly, I said something wrong and she stopped answering me too. It means my sons have had no contact with their Uncle, Aunt & 3 cousins either. Any ideas what I can do? Each is as stubborn as the other and would consider it admitting fault it they were the first to break the stalemate. There is one cousin of theirs who is still in touch with both. She's at her wits' end over it too.

Star ' it would be better to tell the parents what the problem is' - in many cases, the parents have been told, sometimes more than once but for some reason they can't/won't hear. I told my dm very plainly in a calm voice & to this day she says she has no idea why?

My dm said I'd only ever wanted her for what I could get out of her which was plainly nuts because I'd never had anything off her ever. Not a penny, not an hours babysitting, help with house/holidays or anything at all. I've always had to be entirely self-sufficient. When I called her on it & said 'That's not true' - in a voice of astonishment, she stayed silent because she knew I was telling the truth. There was nothing she could reference.

Points taken, Purple.

Been there and got the T shirt Purpletinofpaint but it was our ES who stayed silent because he knew we were telling the truth.

I'm just wondering if this was answered anywhere and I missed it please?

I can’t find the answers either grin

Click on the words "this page" in the post from SarahGransnet, it is a link to the page with the answers.

Thank you. I finally worked that out!,?

thank you

I've learned to stop begging my son to have contact. He started pulling away at 19 when he met his first wife. He married her without telling us, whilst I was away recuperating from a major operation. She didn't like us and was jealous of our family closeness and probably made him choose, her or us, but he should have had some loyalty to his family. He contacted me to tell me I'd become a Nan, we put everything behind us and had a couple of fairly close years. They had another baby, but soon they split up. We were there for him and helped him through this. He soon met another woman and moved to Ireland and married her once he was divorced. Once again, his wife didn't like the family and seemed jealous though we tried to get along. I was continually begging my son to stay in contact, to ring me more than twice a year, he wouldn't even Skype or email, wouldn't give me a phone number. In the end I said it shouldn't be this difficult, if it didn't come naturally to stay in touch, it can't be one sided. I said, in the words of George Michael, I can't make you love me if you don't! I wouldn't beg any longer. He's got what he wanted now, just his new family in Ireland and us out of the picture. That was 7 years ago. He also turned his back on his two children, he's never contacted them either, which as sad as it is, makes me realise just how selfish he is. ?

Sorry, new to this and think above comment is prob on wrong page ?