Hi everyone. I’d be very grateful for any advice you can give me.
I’m in my early thirties with three D.C. I’m so unhappy but I don’t know how to turn things around, or accept them as they are.
We’ve been married for nine years. Since we married he’s become less and less affectionate. He no longer kisses me or hugs me, and we haven’t had sex in months. Since we married and I had the children I have put on weight, which I think is a big problem for him, although he won’t admit it. I used to have time for the gym and the hairdresser, and I used to look lovely - now all my time is spent looking after the home and children. I have no time for myself, and he won’t come near me. Because I feel so repulsive and lonely I comfort eat, which I know doesn’t help, but I don’t know any other way of coping.
We’re very polite to each other on a surface level - both of us hate confrontation and there are no arguments. But every six months or so the loneliness gets too much and I break down - I tell him how unhappy I am, he takes pity on me and will make an effort to hug and kiss me for a few days, and then we’re back to living as housemates again. I don’t know if he’s unhappy- he won’t talk to me or tell me so.
I feel misled, like he married me under false pretences. Before we were married we was the most affectionate, loving, caring, generous man - but he’s since told me he doesn’t like talking about his emotions or feelings, finds my desire to show him affection suffocating and finds me boring. I don’t have any input into our finances at all. I don’t even know how much he earns. I can’t plan birthdays or holidays or buy birthday presents.
I’ve begun to think that he knows what he’s doing. He knows exactly how to hurt me - because I’ve broken down and told him - and now he’s doing it purposely. If I cry, he ignores me. If I try to talk to him, he leaves the room. I have so much love to give him,
but he doesn’t seem to want it.
I have to accept this though, don’t I? I made this bed - I must lie in it. I can’t leave him, I won’t do it to my children. I want them to have the stable home and parents I didn’t have. I just wish acceptance came more easily, that’s all.
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