No affection in marriage. So sad and lonely.

Well done MadameFeuveral

So much good advice. Hope things improve for you

I just want to point out that you're never too old to get a degree or other qualifications. Someone has already mentioned The Open University (OU). I worked there for many years and saw people in their 90s graduate, so don't give up. If you have a long-term medical condition, you might be able to get financial help from them or from another source. It sounds as though you have given up a lot for many years to look after your children and husband. Time now to focus on yourself and get yourself better. Start by going to see your GP and take it from there. As for financially and emotionally abusive husbands, I've been there, got rid and lived to tell the tale. Now single and in my early 60s, having been divorced for just 2 years. I'm actually going to start another degree with the OU next February. Life can begin again and can be better. Let us know how you get on.

So sad for you but I have always believed that it's 50/50 in any relationship and having been through something similar, where my ex didn't seem bothered about me, I was treated like a nuisance to him - I had to undergo a lot of tests during my pregnancy as I had lost 2 previously. Each time I told him I needed a blood test was met with a big sigh and a mutter "oh well we'll go when I've finished work" and after my baby was born I was made to feel stupid and fat - I had put on weight but he always used to make comments about his weight (he was stick thin) and if we did go out, he usually ignored me - we were usually with his friends and work mates that I didn't know.
I eventually moved out when it came to light that he was seeing someone else. It was the best thing I did! A tough struggle, financially sure but I was so much happier not having his constant criticism - I apparently didn't even shower the right way!
I know that you have had an unstable childhood, but quite honestly you are the stable one for your children and it is not being helped by your unhappiness. Visit your local CAB to find out what help you can get.
As a last shot - get him to look after the children and either go for a walk (you could do that with them of course) or find out what excercise classes are nearby that don't cost much, go to a Mum's and Tot group to get out of the house and meet new people - your local library will have info of when or where

Good for you Madamefeuveral.
Can I recommend a little book called Feel the Fear. Some of it could be helpful.
One day at a time ?

Keep in touch and let us know how things are going. XX

Firstly, take heart from all the kindness and good advice on here. It really demonstrates that you are valued, even by people who only know you through GN.

Secondly, you will feel better by doing something, however small, and it will help you to be more confident about the next step, whatever you decide to do.

Finally, education. As said above, you can go back to uni any time, either the OU (brilliant organisation, got my first degree there, ideal for you with children) or somewhere near to where you live. I went to 'proper' uni in my 50s. I thought I'd need all sorts of qualifications to get in, but I didn't - one advantage of being a mature student. You'll probably still be entitled to some funding, too, even for the OU. I know people who started degree courses in their 70s and older.

You are worth it!

MadameFeuveral, you feel run down and unattractive so do something about it. Demand time to get your hair done and go to the gym (maybe swap babysitting with a friend). You have no confidence so won't radiate warmth and affection, however you look or feel.

Maybe he's not the love of your life, after all, but regardless, you have a duty to look after and enjoy yourself to be a good mother.

Don't expect him to make you happy as it's too much for one person to do. You need to get yourself out of this rut and fill your days with as much interest and enjoyment as possible - for everyone's sake!

The first step in the rest of your life.

MadameFeuveral, you have become in such a downward spiral, you need to start valuing yourself, work on the weight, start studying again, it's has to affect your husband too how you have become depressed. You say he won't care if you end up in a wheel chair, but I doubt that, he knows your diagnosis. I bet if you start to discover the true you, things will improve. I bet nearly all couples have their lows, but they pass. Start to believe in yourself, you're worth it.

Your advise boosted my day ! Thank you ?

It is very tiring looking after 3 children I know but it is time to start looking after yourself too. Go to WeightWatchers, go to the gym, swim or exercise somehow so you can lose a bit of weight and to therefore start to feel much better about yourself for yourself. Think about doing some courses that could lead to employment, Open a bank account in your own name and start being a strong, independent woman. If he doesn't want you then bugger him. Start loving yourself and start taking control of your own life.

MadameFeuveral I am so sorry to hear of your situation and your unhappiness. I would have, to some extent, agreed with Monica's view that your husband may feel similarly sad and powerles and "misled" because you have changed. However, it seems to me that this relationship has drained you of all your confidence and belief in yourself - and your husband is at least partly to blame for that.

You say:

"He’s since told me he doesn’t like talking about his emotions or feelings, finds my desire to show him affection suffocating and finds me boring."

This just seems cruel to me.

You go on to say:

"I don’t have any input into our finances at all. I don’t even know how much he earns. I can’t plan birthdays or holidays or buy birthday presents."

This really doesn't sound at all OK to me. You have three children and all the work which that entails. In my view, a partnership where one of the parents stays at home to do the bulk of the childcare and domestic duties should be a financially equal partnership. You should know how much your husband is earning and not have to exist on "housekeeping" money.

You then say:

"I’ve begun to think that he knows what he’s doing. He knows exactly how to hurt me - because I’ve broken down and told him - and now he’s doing it purposely. If I cry, he ignores me. If I try to talk to him, he leaves the room. I have so much love to give him, but he doesn’t seem to want it."

Your husband's behaviour feels like a sort of emotional abuse to me. To leave the room, when the person to whom you're married and with whom you have three children is so distressed, is very unkind.

It's all very well people blithely saying get out of this marriage. It really can't be easy when you have three children and no independent income (or, presumably, savings). First of all, I think you need to get some legal advice as to what your rights are in relation to finance, housing, etc. You need to outline your present situation - your complete lack of knowledge and control re financial matters, etc. The Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to help you on this and/or suggest a solicitor who will provide some initial free legal advice.

I agree with those who say it would be a good idea to speak frankly to your GP as to your situation and how your are feeling, and perhaps get a referral for counselling - which I think would be helpful. As someone else said, if you can possibly set aside some time each day to go for a walk and get some fresh air, that might also help.

I hope some of the advice on here has been of help to you. I'm sure I speak for everyone who has read and contributed to your post when I say that we are all rooting for you and hoping that you will find the self-belief, strength and energy to start making the changes you need to take back control of your life.

Sweetheart, this is a form of emotional abuse and controlling behaviour. It’s not HIS money, it’s joint money because you’re a family. You’re blaming yourself for everything when the problem is HIM.
Why not look online and see if there are any women’s groups in your area you could join, or if there’s a programme running anywhere that’s called The Freedom Programme which is about breaking free from domestic abuse. Also you could perhaps get counselling via your GP, or contact Women’s Aid type of organisations for advice. You can get through this my pet and you and your kids deserve better. Nothing is worse than living in a miserable marriage. Chin up angel face.