So sad to read your post. If you really do want to help yourself there are some hard things to come to terms with and some hard things for you to do. I do believe you will waste your time and energy trying to get him involved with any changes.
He will be how ever he is and you can not change him, only he can do that. It's a sad fact and a hard fact but the sooner you face that reality the sooner you start taking care of you.
It is understandable that you want your husband to take care of you and your feelings in the way he did when you were first together.
Wanting that is OK, begging him for that affection gives him power and control and leaves you feeling less worthy than you did before. Please stop begging him. Please, for your own self worth.
You clearly do Not feel valued or worthwhile and even after you have laid your soul bare you don't feel any better you sound as if you feel worse.
Seems as if you are picked up by the improvement then dropped lower than before once his behaviour drops off again.
Break the cycle, stop begging. Give that emotional energy to yourself, get back your own personal power and take control of your life one day at a time.
Get friends to help and support you finding you. Your OH will either get on board with your long term goal or he won't.
DO NOT, please Do Not make any changes for him. He will react to any changes you make in whatever way he wishes and it may not be in the way you want.
The only thing we know for sure is that we will be with us for the rest of our lives. There are no guarantees that anyone else will be. Do what you do for you.
I'm guessing there are things you can do to feel better about yourself.
You have identified your comfort eating and that you feel worse after, change. You have 3 children yet you find the time to comfort eat and the funds to do it.
You can use that time and those funds to work towards a stronger you. A clearer thinking you. A problem solving you.
Do something different. Get your body moving. Get a DVD or down load an easy exercise program, when you want to destroy yourself with food use the time to exercise. Put your favourite music on and dance while you do the house work.
Move, get moving. Movement is what helps change. (If you really want change)
You want your children to have a stable home and future. No one will argue with that, it's a very good desire for your children. However, it's no all in your hands is it?
It's never all just down to us, there are others involved.
What's your OH's long term family goal? Think before you ask, you may not get an answer and you may not like the one you get.
If you want a more secure and stable future for your children start to change.
Change how you feel about you. Get to the hairdressers, make a list and make sure it's all about what you want to do - things you want to do for you. Right now you have a list (even if it's only in your head) and you are not on that list. Put yourself at the top of a new list.
If one partner isn't engaged in the partnership and parenting the situation is difficult. You've identified that already, your OH is pulling away from you and it worries you. Your clarity is a good thing and your worry is very understandable but begging your OH isn't working.
If you get on your own list you'll be better placed to look after your children both now and in the future.
What you are teaching your children is that being a doormat is OK and relying on others to provide self worth is how it's done - Oh and others let you down.
I don't think you are really that kid of person but I do think you have let yourself get lost. Time to find the YOU inside You. Don't even try to get your OH to engage, it's not working for you, it's only hurting you.
Get on line, read books, there's lots out there about putting yourself back together.
There is no Magic Wand to bop your OH on the head with to make him see what an amazing person you are.
There's no Magic Wand to bop you on the head and make you all that you were when you first got together. But ...
There is a lot you can do to find what an amazing person you are, you are able to take care of 3 children, that alone lets anyone know you are able to take care of yourself.
You can't change him but you can change you. He may see you as USEFUL not VALUABLE and you may see yourself that way.
Change your thoughts about yourself. Make yourself VALUABLE not just USEFUL. You have the strength to feel better and be more at peace with yourself but it won't be because you beg your OH to change.
Good Luck. It's lots of long, hard work with lots of set backs. But you're a MUM you know how to do this.